The Seagulls wish to reiterate Fremantle's statement about Harley Balic being on indefinite leave for personal issues. We will continue to do our utmost to support Harley and his circumstances, we have been delighted with his progress and a keeper spot is available to him, when he is able to return.
The Seagulls will not be commentating further on the nature of his personal issue as we respect his privacy, however as we are already aware that the media will, and have already, cast aspersions on his character, we have decided to get on the front foot about this and brought our random personal issue generator - each media will get a different one to wildly speculate about.
Who let you out of the office Caro?
Oh, cutbacks, shame, yes sunlight is brutal without a personal makeup artist. Just spin the rumour wheel.
What did you get? He has been admitted to rehab to cure his addiction to having ■■■ with elderly ladies...well, how about that, never would have suspected, not even close to being true, but it should make for a wild headline though.
Gerard, what are you airing on 3AW today? Hmm...he is taking time off to care for his meth addicted illegally imported okapi...perfect talk-back bait, meth, illegals...no it doesn't say here whether the okapi came by boat, or not, yes I can see how that could be important to your listeners.
Ah Patrick Smith, our security must be lax, spin that wheel, we're covering up the fact that he has a broken collarbone resulting from letting his dog drive drunk...well that does seem irresponsible.
Triple M? Oh you're good, you're going to pretend the story is about Harley Bennell. No, unconscionable was the word I was thinking to describe that idea, but I suppose someone could describe it as brilliant.
Oh yeah, guys before you go, I completely forgot here is a summary of our lawyers recent efforts at suing corporations for libel and slander...and what those corporations paid. Bye, bye now.