The only player analysis you’ll need this footy season
BY HUGH ROBERTSON
Names suitable for minor characters in a Charles Dickens novel
Darcy Parish, Brandan Parfitt, Harry Perryman, Harrison Wigg, Tom Ruggles
The Ks have it
Keegan Brooksby, Kristian Jaksch, Kayle Kirby, Kade Kolodjashnij
Give ’em both barrels
Jesse Glass-McCasker, Sam Petrevski-Seton, Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti, Josh Deluca-Cardillo, Sam Powell-Pepper
The annual Jarrad census
Jarrad (4), Jarryd (3), Jarrod (5), Jared (1), Sharrod (1), Jarryn (1), Darragh (1)
The times, they are a …
Brayden (3), Braydon (1), Jayden (3), Hayden (2), Kaiden (1), Aidyn (1)
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the …
Dayne, Zaine, Blaine, Kayne, Kane, Wayne, Jamaine
desperately immature giggle
Mason Cox, Tyson Goldsack, Tom Doedee, Steele Sidebottom, Aaron Mullett
Yes mum?
Harry Dear, Jack Darling
Obvious aliases of superheroes
Cedric Cox, Harrison Himmelberg, Brady Grey, Tristan Tweedie, Dean Kent, Jack Steele
Footy player or make of car?
Jaeger, Suban, Hrovat, Bewick, Fiorini, Preuss, Varcoe, Strnadica
Imperatives
David Swallow, Billy Stretch, Brad Crouch, Tom Lynch, Dean Gore, Luke Shuey, Jarrod Pickett, Scott Selwood
Names suitable for the protagonist of a Banjo Paterson bush ballad
Darcy Tucker, Billy Longer, Dougal Howard, Mackenzie Willis, Jack Scrimshaw, Jack Fitzpatrick, Billy Frampton, Fletcher Roberts
Names suitable for a new housing development in Sydney’s north-west
Blake Acres, Levi Greenwood, Bradley Hill, Bailey Dale, Fergus Greene, Dean Towers, Easton Wood
Six degrees of Dawson Simpson
Jordan Dawson, Liam Dawson, Zac Dawson, Dawson Simpson, Kade Simpson, Sam Simpson
May the Force be with you
Wylie Buzza, Griffin Logue, Ivan Soldo, Tarir Bayok, Cameron Zurhaar, Maverick Weller, Roarke Smith
The Orazio Fantasia perpetual trophy for best new name
Quinton Narkle
Great names to shout when they take a speccy
Matthew Uebergang, Tim Broomhead, Jarman Impey, Myles Poholke (* DANIHER!)
With special thanks to Peter Cronin
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
HUGH ROBERTSON
Hugh Robertson runs a record store, writes a lot and thinks about the Sydney Swans too much.
What names have you loved to yell out at the footy? My favourite has always been VANDER HAAR! As a young bloke he was the CHF I wanted to be and modelled my game on. Albeit without the smoking and drinking, at the time.
