Inner-City Leftie Begins Painful Transition To Liberal Voter After Inheriting Enough To Buy A Home
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large |
Once a champion of the fight against social inequality and the rights of others, now Dennis Pooley is more or less concerned about himself and those just like him.
The 38-year-old’s elderly mother died earlier this month, nearly ten years to the day his old man dropped out of reception.
He was devastated.
She inspired him to question lawmakers, journalists and the Murdoch status quo. Now just a pot of ashes and tooth fillings on the meek Virgo’s inner-Sydney mantlepiece.
But the effect her passing has had on her boy is further reaching than just some wishy-washy inner-city armchair activism – it goes all the way to his high-interest savings account.
“I never knew how wealthy my parents were,” he told our reporter.
Despite being driven as a child every morning to his private school in a late model European saloon, Pooley was under the impression that he was just like everyone else.
“Mum left me more than enough to enter the property market. In fact, we were able to buy in the very same neighbourhood that I’ve been renting in since my time at university. Amazing. Another thing I never knew was that with home ownership comes great responsibility. Financial responsibility,”
“So that means I need to put my destiny into the hands of the people who have my best interests as a wealthy property owner,”
“The Liberal Party.”
Over the course of the month of June, Dennis has been undergoing a ‘very painful’ transition from being a spirited theatre patron with a penchant for lying awake at night thinking about homeless people and climate change to somebody that only cares about staying richer than the human filth that rent.
He’s parted ways with his beloved beret. He ■■■■ in it, then slid it through the flap of a St Vincent’s de Paul charity bin on the 15th.
He traded in his ‘gay’ Prius for a Mercedes Benz four-wheel-drive that rumbles obnoxiously at the lights.
Now Dennis sits in the back of taxis.
“It’s just who I am now,” he said.
“And one day, it’ll happen to you if you get this lucky.”