James Hird — Sept 25 onwards

[smooth]

If Hird could convince Toby Greene to Don the Sash then…

BRING

HIM

INNNNN!!!

[up_up]

@swoodley

He hasn’t done any coaching courses

The courses, won’t somebody think of the courses?

[evs]

I’m not upset at all. FWIW I reckon your mate is much closer to the actual number than you are.

[up_up]

The tawdry spruiking, the pretense the announcer loves the Bombers, the weak obscenities fraudulently impersonating humour…all fairly channel 10 levels awkward. Just keep in mind you are there for the 30% of it involving the players/coaches speaking, hopefully spiced up a bit by some good questions.

[Bully]

Just looking at the poll here it’s about 50% and this is people that think and talk about the game enough to be regular attendees on a footy forum.

I reckon if you went the average Essendon fan, cheer squad or did a poll on the efc Facebook page, it would be higher. A lot of bomber fans tend to think with the heart instead of the head when it comes to Hird in particular and don’t think about his lack of a resume.

In saying all that, he probably has a better resume now than the first time around, at least he has done some coaching now, all be it mostly over 10 years ago. That original appointment was crazy stuff on reflection, no wonder it ended terribly.

[fire_and_irons]

a spectacle of incompetence

Is my fav

[swoodley]

@Bully

In saying all that, he probably has a better resume now than the first time around, at least he has done some coaching now, all be it mostly over 10 years ago.

That’s some serious mental gymnastics there to come to such a conclusion.

Please, how is his resume better now…unless you’re implying that last time he didn’t even have a resume.

[Bully]

@swoodley

Please, how is his resume better now…unless you’re implying that last time he didn’t even have a resume.

That’s exactly what I’m implying. It’s at least less than zero this time.

[19thman]

A resume or a coaching certificate don’t mean a person can coach.

[barnz]

@Paul_Peos

They are pretty gross, to be honest

excellent description of the gold coast

[dingus]

@Doggatron

Being deemed lower than a laughing stock is definitely something we would have to face as an organisation if the club were to reinstate Hird as coach. It’s undeniably true that we already are one. It’s rare a club/organisation sinks lower than that. I actually found it difficult to come up with a suitable term as to what is a rung or rungs below ‘laughing stock’ due to it’s rarity.

I avoid engaging with AI, but I went to it this time. It had some interesting suggestions as to how we might be labelled. “Humiliation Machine” was my personal favourite:

---

If an organisation has fallen below “laughing stock” status, people tend to use harsher terms that imply contempt, decay, incompetence, or outright disgrace. Depending on the tone you want, you could describe it as:

a national embarrassment
a public disgrace
a dumpster fire
a train wreck
a farce
a parody of itself
a failed institution
a corrupt shell
a toxic brand
a joke organisation
a humiliation machine
a dead institution walking
a rotting carcass
a bottom-feeding embarrassment
a complete collapse of credibility
a mockery of its own purpose
a spectacle of incompetence
a beyond-salvage institution
a self-destructing organisation

If you want especially brutal phrasing:

“It’s no longer a laughing stock — it’s a cautionary tale.”
“They’ve graduated from joke to disgrace.”
“It stopped being funny and became pathetic.”
“They’re viewed with contempt, not ridicule.”
“It has become an institutional embarrassment.”
“People don’t laugh at them anymore — they recoil.”
For a darker, more literary tone:

“a decaying monument to failure”
“an empire in decomposition”
“a hollowed-out institution”
“a carcass wearing its former name”
“a theatre of collapse”

See what has happened here is that you have started with a false premise, and ended with a list of descriptions that describe our current state.

I also would have added “the drunkenly perceived aura of the shadow of a greatness so faded it is no longer believed”.

Or “clubs farked”.

[dingus]

@swoodley

@Bully

In saying all that, he probably has a better resume now than the first time around, at least he has done some coaching now, all be it mostly over 10 years ago.

That’s some serious mental gymnastics there to come to such a conclusion.

Please, how is his resume better now…unless you’re implying that last time he didn’t even have a resume.

Swoods, if you’re saying he’s no good now because he hasn’t done any more coaching, then logically, his resume must be better now (compared to his first appointment) because it has “Senior AFL Coach” on it.

This might seem pedantic, but do you think his stint at Essendon (and he has in fact done a small amount of coaching elsewhere) make him somehow less qualifies than when he was first appointed?

I don’t think Bully’s statement is wrong or “mental gymnastics”. Hird doesn’t strike me as the type of guy that wouldn’t learn from experience, good or bad.

[dingus]

@19thman

A resume or a coaching certificate don’t mean a person can coach.

Precisely.

We all know it’s basic proficiency in PowerPoint that really separates the Knightses from the Hardwicks.

[Doggatron]

@dingus

See what has happened here is that you have started with a false premise, and ended with a list of descriptions that describe our current state.

I also would have added “the drunkenly perceived aura of the shadow of a greatness so faded it is no longer believed”.

Or “clubs farked”.

[Gnik]

Forgetting his playing career & the redemption story arc, what qualifies Hird to be head coach ahead of other candidates with recent coaching experience under a decent system?

[Doggatron]

[stander2]

@dingus

Swoods, if you’re saying he’s no good now because he hasn’t done any more coaching, then logically, his resume must be better now (compared to his first appointment) because it has “Senior AFL Coach” on it.

Using that logic, the resume of say Nathan Buckey must be worse now, even though he’s now assisting a highly credentialed and multi premiership coach. Which is absurd.

[Azza78]

@Gnik

Forgetting his playing career & the redemption story arc, what qualifies Hird to be head coach ahead of other candidates with recent coaching experience under a decent system?

[blob]

He IS James Hird

[Houli_Dooli]

@Gnik

Forgetting his playing career & the redemption story arc, what qualifies Hird to be head coach ahead of other candidates with recent coaching experience under a decent system?

He has knowledge of dealing with the eccentricities of the Essendon football club.
Has a good relationship with Current President, the media and he could be a unifying figure.

Sheedy believes Hird is the only person who can truly unite the various Essendon factions and the fan base.

Player Connection: Hird is noted for a rare ability to connect with players across all experience levels, from young draftees to senior veterans.

Since his initial departure, he has served as a part-time assistant at GWS and as the Director of Coaching at Port Melbourne in the VFL (starting 2025).