Neuvo Classicos

The highly entertaining, original and provocative post from the “What the List Managers Really Said (2018)” thread in the Hangar. Great work Pevster, Blitz salutes you.

Pevster

5d

Adelaide’s List Manager:
“Mitch McGovern, although contracted, was finding it hard to work within our culture. He found our pre-season camp quite traumatic because he only realised once he got there that he forgot to pack his pyjamas. Mitch, via his agent, was very candid in requesting to go to a club that doesn’t have such high expectations, so we sent him to Carlton. ”

Brisbane’s List Manager:
“After initially being homesick, Dayne Beams discovered what most people who live in Brisbane discover - that they are sick of being home. Neale we feel is a good replacement, plus we are confident he will bring important intel about what they do at the Dockers, so we can avoid going down that same miserable path.”

Carlton’s List Manager:
“We started with a bang by nabbing Mitch McGovern. We did our due diligence on him and found his lack of resilience made him a very good fit for our football club. We made a big play for Dylan Shiel. We took him to Noosa and arranged for a chef to make a caviar dish, but knew we were in trouble when he asked if we had any Elwood-style coffee instead. A lot has been made of our extravagant trip to Noosa, but we plan to do it again. In fact, we are taking Lobbe, Phillips, Pickett, Lamb and Kerridge for a plane trip to the Outback, where we plan to leave them there. We have made a few key off-field signings, bringing in famed Head of Fitness, Andrew Russell and well as Peter Dutton, who has assisted in sending our Irish players back home.”

Collingwood’s List Manager:
“We were relieved to get Dayne Beams in the last 2 minutes of trade week, because good things don’t usually happen to us in the last 2 minutes.”

Essendon’s List Manager:
“We are really quite disappointed. Sure Shiel is a good player and solid citizen, whose professionalism will drive standards and will help give us a shot at winning a flag, but he is no 2 Meter Peter! To miss out on Peter Wright, when even the foremost of Twitter experts had it in the bag, was truly heart wrenching. We considered bringing in Kade Kolodjashnij, but he failed the interview. Not only wasn’t he able to spell ‘gatorade’ backwards, but he couldn’t even spell his surname forwards. I must say, on a brighter note, we commend the true die-hard Essendon supporter, Will Setterfield, for proving his love for our club by helping to sabotage the Carlton Football Club in joining their ever expanding injury list.”

Fremantle’s List Manager:
“It has always been our strategy to seek homesick Western Australians from other clubs who ideally want to go to a great club like West Coast but who are for whatever reason forced to come to us. Hogan and Lobb are looking forward to being part of our rise from pathetic to irrelevant and we responded to their desire to be challenged by getting another horrible ball user in Colyer to share a forward line with them.”

Geelong’s List Manager:
“We needed to replace our outgoing inconsistent and mediocre player in Lincoln McCartney with another inconsistent and mediocre player, so we brought in Gary Rohan. We were attracted to Luke Dahlhaus by his 2 way running (he can run forward of the ball and then minutes later can run to the local nightclub). A lot is made of Tim Kelly’s request to go home to get better support for his kids. We have sought to remedy this by requesting the help of Gil McLachlan to source 2 Au Pairs for the Kelly family."

Gold Coast’s List Manager:
“Some people call themselves the ‘destination club’. We see ourselves as the ‘detonation club’. After losing both of our captains in May and Lynch, we prioritised the search for a new captain, so we are extremely excited to net the services of George Horlin-Smith. Whilst some may be of that the opinion that the slated Mega Trade of the trading period didn’t come to fruition, that is not the way we see it. People will look back at the coup of extracting Miles and Corey Ellis from Richmond as the ultimate example when describing where we were headed as a football club.”

GWS’s List Manager:
“We reject the media driven myth that we blew our salary cap. Our accounts were in good hands, with Clive Palmer lending his experience in ensuring that expenses were reigned in. We felt we needed to play hard ball with Scully by expecting nothing short of a future 4th rounder for him. If they come seeking Josh Kelly next year, we are going to drive an even harder bargain and make them cough up Ryan Schoenmakers."

Hawthorn’s List Manager:
“We tried to copy the Bombers by targeting players starting with the letter ‘S.’ in ‘ S cully’, ‘ S crimshaw’ and Wingard (who is S tuck up). ” We look forward to Scully joining us for the pre-season in the coming weeks and for his ankle to join us a few weeks later via express post."

Melbourne’s List Manager:
“We are thrilled to get Brayden Pruess into our club. We have big plans for him. We essentially want him to play the same important role he played at the Roos i.e. to sit and wait for the much more talented ruckmen to get injured. Whilst we are unhappy to lose Hogan, we are happy to bring in May who will hopefully teach our current defenders that there is more to the art of playing full back than handing the ball straight back to the opposition.”

North Melbourne’s List Manager:
“Once we missed out on getting Gaff we put all our chips in for Jasper Piittard. We feel the 2 players have a lot in common (one missed a lot of football due to suspension, whilst the other missed a similar amount for being a horrible footballer). We felt that our list lacked soft and unaccountable types so we brought in Hall and Polec. A lot has been made of what we will end up doing with our warchest. I can report that as we speak we are depositing it in David Schwarz’s bank.”

Port Adelaide’s List Manager:
“We had a great trade period. We traded away our 5th and 6th place getters in our best and fairest to send a message to the rest of our list that good performances will be rewarded with an opportunity to leave for a better club. Burton is a perfect fit for our club, as his fractured leg corresponds well to our fractured club. Sam Mayes was brought into our club to play the important role of laying our tarp pre-game.”

Richmond’s List Manager:
“We were quite satisfied to bring in Lynch, but it came at a cost. Losing Tyson Stengle will prove quite devastating for our club. We have put years developing him as a relief ruckman in case Grigg falls over.”

St. Kilda’s List Manager:
“We said we would be active during the trade period, so we are stoked to bring in Daniel Hannebery who is very active after-hours. A lot of people wouldn’t be familiar with the work of Dean Kent. That’s good, because neither are we.”

Sydney’s List Manager:
“It was a whirlwind trade period for us. We targeted Darcy Moore and missed out. Then we went for Langdon and missed out again. Then we spent the rest of the period trying to avoid Ryan Clark and Jackson Thurlow but unfortunately ended up recruiting them.”

West Coast’s List Manager:
“We are totally committed to the AFL’s equalistion philosophy, so in keeping with this, we decided to help equalise the competition by acquiring the hack Tom Hickey. We missed out on Kelly, so will instead use that extra salary to bail Liam Ryan out of jail.”

Western Bulldogs’ List Manager:
“Taylor Duryea amounts to a big coup for our football team, as we now increased the growing amount of ordinary premiership players that are on our list. We are in the process of printing out a revised contract offer for Libba after he smoked the first one.”

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From the Fark carlton thread in the Non EssendonStuff, the best comeback since Essendon rolled the Roos in 2001.

sj_2150

1h

“That there is the most powerful guernsey in the AFL” - Brendan Bolton.

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A well thought out post from Crazy Bomber from the David Myers thread in the Hangar, concerning a serious issue, mental health. Worth reading, worth thinking about.

Greetings and welcome to 2019, and the first classic post of the new year. From the Good Ideas, Bad Ideas thread on the Non Essendon board, the first effort in the quest to write an AFaiL musical. Don’t know what the melody is taken from, but for me this works a treat.

Now if only he could manage to work in integrity officer as well somewhere…

2 Likes

From the Connor McKenna - ELITE thread in the Hangar, some light hearted fun about managing loads, training and otherwise.

WindsockBoyPlayer Sponsor

21m

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The_New_Coleman

(AFL - Good Ideas, Terrible Ideas, Too Many Ideas, No Idea)

WindsockBoy:

So, Biltzers, here’s what they’ll look like in real life from a distance

I zoomed in:

[


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A wry comment from the [AFL - Good Ideas, Terrible Ideas, Too Many Ideas, No Idea thread on the Non-Essendon board. Nino should be impressed.

After a great round of football, a wry comment on what was arguably the second best result of all the matches played. Great job done by the Gold Coast Suns to ■■■■■■ a victory with 10 seconds to play, and prolong the misery. Caaarlton has the Blooos in no uncertain terms right now.

3 Likes

barnzElite

4d

Gfycat.com

Walla Poppin Collar by anonymous

#aussie rules

Walla on the game of his life


Conor Walsh

Apr 13, 2019 7:43PM

h

BTV: Rd 4 | McDonald-Tipungwuti post-game

We spoke to Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti after our round four win over Brisbane.

I can’t kick goals without the support of the boys, so it was really good.”
Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti

Related

Star forward Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti says his seven-goal masterclass at the MCG on Saturday was the game of his life.

McDonald-Tipungwuti was simply dominant in Essendon’s outstanding 47-point victory over Brisbane, taking the game by the scruff of the neck throughout the afternoon.

Eternally humble, he gave credit to his teammates after the game in which the Bombers functioned brilliantly in the forward line.

“I kicked seven and it was my best career return, so I’m pretty happy with it, but you can’t kick seven without your teammates giving you the ball,” McDonald-Tipungwuti said post-match.

“I’m pretty happy with the day and pretty happy with a win too at the same time.”

View image on Twitter

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Essendon FC :heavy_check_mark: @essendonfc

A career-best for our No. 43.#MightyBombers

890

3:14 PM - Apr 13, 2019


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It was a complete performance from McDonald-Tipungwuti, and few fans could argue to have seen a better game from a small forward in the red and black.

The 25-year-old’s bag of seven was a result of a typically outstanding work rate, seeing him finish the sensational game with 20 disposals, 12 score involvements, 10 marks, five inside 50s and 477 metres gained.

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Essendon FC :heavy_check_mark: @essendonfc

3 votes - A.McDonald-Tipungwuti 🔒

602

8:07 AM - Apr 14, 2019


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There are only a handful of players who can bring the fans to their feet as regularly as McDonald-Tipungwuti, and he said he is always grateful for the passionate Bomber fans.

“Having them getting us going every week, it’s good to have their support. It’s why we come and play footy.

“I really enjoy all of the supporters coming in and getting us up and going.”


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Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti is the shortest person to kick 7+ goals at the @MCG in a V/@AFL game since Harry Davie in 1927
@essendonfc #AFLDonsLions

302

3:04 PM - Apr 13, 2019

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The pint-sized goalkicker said he entered the game with a boost of confidence after a breakthrough effort against Melbourne last week yielded four goals.

He reached that mark midway through the third term this time around, and McDonald-Tipungwuti said encouragement from his teammates went a long way.

“For me it’s just about going and enjoying footy.

“‘Chook’ (Cale Hooker) earlier, when I’d kicked four, he was like ‘come on, you can do it, get another three’.

“It was another test, but I had that confidence that the boys gave me to just go and kick goals and really enjoy it.

“I can’t kick goals without the support of the boys, so it was really good.”

While the side was without key forward Shaun McKernan – who also booted four goals against the Demons – fellow tall Mitch Brown proved to be a brilliant replacement on Saturday.

McDonald-Tipungwuti praised Brown, who gathered 25 disposals, 11 marks, four inside 50s and three goals in a sensational performance.

“Browny came in and played his role; he played high, gave us a few contests and kicked a few goals.

“We miss Shauny, but we have players that can come in and play their role so that’s what we expect from every player.”

It really was a team effort in attack, with Jake Stringer (13 disposals, four inside 50s, three goal assists and a goal), Mark Baguley (10 disposals, four inside 50s, three goal assists and a goal) and Orazio Fantasia (14 diposals and two goals) also contributing greatly.

“I guess for us as forwards (the message is) just to share the load, it doesn’t matter who kicks seven or kicks four,” McDonald-Tipungwuti said.

“For us, it is just to go and do the team thing to help us win. I’m pretty happy with it overall, it was good teamwork in the end.”

Brisbane entered the game unbeaten with three impressive wins under their belt, and McDonald-Tipungwuti was pleased with Essendon’s confidence-boosting result.

“(We like to) play against the best and Brisbane are really good.

“We came out and played our footy, we’re really enjoying it again and I was happy to get the win.”

The Bombers’ next challenge will come next week when they take on North Melbourne on Good Friday in the Kick for the Kids game.

donut

3d

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Essendon FC (essendonfc)

3 votes - A.McDonald-Tipungwuti :lock: https://t.co/rHf6REuHm4

12:07 AM - 14 Apr 2019

It took me a little while to track these posts down, but l couldn’t let Tippa/Walla’s great performance go unrecognized. Go Bombers, go Tippa/Walla.

2 Likes

Certainly not the final word in the Adam Goodes Documentary thread in the Hangar, but for as long as this thread runs, this post will be the best, becase it is the most empathic.

benfti

17h

I’ll weigh in.

I’ve been a champion of indigenous equality for a very long time. It started as my best friend from childhood was indigenous. As a kid you don’t think anything of stuff like that. He loved footy as much as I did and he lived 3 doors down. Done deal, Best friends. He’d come down from Alice Springs as part of a program in the 80’s called the Aboriginal co-op they moved families who were impacted by alcoholism to suburbs to allow their kids to get an education. This was the 80’s so its was a different time, and I do believe things are better now than they where then.

So we used to kick the footy every recess and lunch and until it got dark after school. Call it as it is, my mate, Joey was a jet. We had Glen Archer at my primary school and Joey ran rings around him. So I played club footy and I asked him if he wanted to play, he said no, because he didn’t think his family would let him. So I asked his mum, and she said “I don’t think they’ll let Joey play with the white kids, and I don’t want them to be mean to him” I was like he’s awesome, he should play.

There was a matter of money with them also, so my Dad offered to pay his subs, and tells his mother he will keep an eye out for him so he comes to the next training.

He’s been on the park for about 10 minutes and the club president comes over with a look of concern on his face, talks to our coach and then wanders over to talk to my Dad. Dad looks ■■■■■■ off. (Dad was a migrant and took anytime a kid that was different didn’t get a go, he took that sort of thing personally as it happened to him as a kid constantly, its actually the subject of a book https://books.google.com.au/books/about/By_the_Scruff_of_the_Neck.html?id=S97OBwAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y you’ll see why I think Australia has a culture of racism from this book)

The end result is that the president had decided that before Joey could play it had to be put to vote to the parents of the team, whether they were comfortable with their kids playing with an Aboriginal kid. We were 10 at the time and I had zero idea what the hell was going on. The end result after a lot of lobbying by my Mum and Dad, the then local parliament member and the Rev from the local church. Joey was allowed to play.

Our teams supporters were kind of reserved, his family would watch him play from up on the hill of our local ground and I never saw them set foot near the canteen or anything. People stopped talking to Dad. But where I started to get the brutal understanding of what real racism was was hearing what parents of other kids would yell at this 10 year old kid from over the fence, and the better he played the worse it got. All the team mates started to rally behind him, anytime it was getting brutal we would make a massive deal about anything he did good, if he kicked a goal, not a kid on our team wasn’t stacks on him yelling like we had just won the grand final. If they were going to make him feel ■■■■, we were going to make him feel awesome.

The story didn’t end well for him unfortunately largely due to the fact he didn’t have the resolve or the people around him to help him through it all. As his family felt they needed to move to a more indigenous friendly area than ours after 3 years. Joey has brain damage now. He fell into the wrong crowd and was exposed to Chroming. On the bright site is his nephew plays for Melbourne, he got all the starts Joey didn’t.

What you all need to understand, is while things are better, they are no where near where they should be. From the day Indigenous kids step onto the field, to the last time the leather touches their boot. They will be diminished by people in broad daylight because of their aboriginally. Its the broad reason why all indigenous clubs like Rumbalara are formed. So every single AFL footballer who is indigenous has made it to the game weathering a storm of racial abuse. People tell them to just switch off from it, but it’s impossible, and it hurts them to the very core of their existence.

This is a problem still, crowds are awful, its 2019 and still all these guys cop it from pockets of the crowd every game. Trust me, these guys hear it.

I feel like indigenous people after a while just hear all noise directed at them as racist. Due to the fact that 98% of it was well before they give a cheapie or stage for a free.

Im not suggesting that you don’t boo a player who does something against the spirit of the game. Im just trying to get you all to understand why Goodes probably has a hard time processing it.

7 Likes

9d

For all the kidz out there, note the finish to this:

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Essendon FC (essendonfc)

Thank you, Mr Hooker :hugs: https://t.co/KyJ9RL1cBx

12:47 AM - 28 Jun 2019 1K 140

Posted by DJR in the Hooker thread, as a direct result of his recent forward performances.

2 Likes

A long and involved post from one of the deeper thinkers on BBlitz with an illuminating perspective on the coach.

5 Likes

Thanks for posting that Jack, … there’s not a chance in Hades I would have seen it.

I gave up trying to turn the Tossers Eons ago, … regardless of random Title changes.

jhl

1 Like

From the “Blatant cheating by umpires” thread in the Hangar, an image worth a whole season full of incompetence.

3 Likes

Did not even ping him for trying to steal a goal post.

1 Like

The following is an example of a Blitzer doing plenty of outstanding work in his own “Simmo’s Disparaging Anecdotes About Opposition Players,” thread. Well worth perusing. In the meantime, here is an example…

Simmo41

I don’t know how this happened, but for some reason my phone number is in Pat Lipinski’s phone as “Diary”, I was only able to work this out after I started getting all these texts from him that started “dear diary”. This is probably the best thread to share some of them in so here goes…

dear diary, I had this idea today to finally see what happens inside a dishwasher when it’s on. Bevo said he didn’t have any scuba gear I could borrow though and reckons no one else at the club would either

dear diary, caleb daniel called me a short ■■■ at training yesterday so today I went to luna park to check if I was tall enough to go on all the rides and it turns out I am so he’s wrong. I didn’t actually go on any of the rides because I had too much coke zero.

dear diary, got a massive fright earlier today. I went to grab my phone but accidentally grabbed my ipad and for a moment I thought I had shrunk

dear diary, was late to training today because I poured a can of red bull in my garden and then got about halfway through drinking 20 litres of water out of the watering can before I realised what I’d done

dear diary, today I went to ikea with mitch honeychurch to get some stuff for his new place. At the checkout the lady said are you gonna pay for the plunger too? What plunger I said? Turns out one had fallen off a shelf and stuck to my head about 20 minutes earlier and mitch said he didn’t know how to bring it up so didn’t say anything.

dear diary, me and some of the boys went paintballing. I wasn’t very good, I kept getting shot in the face mask in like the first minute of each round. During the lunch break the guy working there showed me how to hold the gun around the right way and I played much better after that

dear diary, some of the AFLW players were doing handstands and so I gave it a shot, but it turns out you need to put your arms on the ground yourself first it doesn’t just happen automatically. Seeing the dentist tomorrow.

dear diary, I went to the ice rink today with Jason Johanissen and Toby McLean and whizzed around a few laps but didn’t like it much because my feet got really cold and wet. Jason reckons I’d enjoy it more if I wore skates out there but I’m not so sure

dear diary, took the cheese greater I bought at ikea the other week back because it didn’t make the cheese greater at all it just cut it up into really small bits

dear diary, I went to get some Maccas today to get a Big Mac but remember someone at the club said I shouldn’t eat red meat, dairy or carbs. After I told the Maccas person this they just gave me a handful of lettuce.

dear diary, I watched Toy Story 3 tonight. About halfway through one of my teddy bears fell off the shelf on to my face. The fire bridge guys that helped me down reckon my ceiling will need to be replaced.

dear diary, I went for a run today but it was pretty boring, so I decided to chuck a stick as far as I could, then run after it and do it again. Set a PB for 5k. No wonder dogs fkng love doing that

dear diary, I don’t think Tom Liberatore likes me. We were over in Adelaide playing Port Adelaide and I got a postcard from Tom that said “miss you and wish you were here” and the picture on the back was of him taking a dump on my bed at home

dear diary, at the airport the airplane lady asked if I wanted a seat with extra leg room and I said no thanks. I don’t know why she asked me that because I only have two legs.

1 Like

This one stings, but so it should, yet is as funny as it is apt.

From the Elite Bulldogs V Essendon review thread. Enuff said.

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Lazy image selection annoys me.

Hi Tom hi!

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Ah that’s it, they misunderstood the directions.

1 Like

HeffsgirlRegular

4d

Bomb_Doe:

8

This whole shitstorm is worth it for the @bomb_doe photo shop magic.

The final version of an imagined conversation between BJ and JD. The other versions are also worth looking up in the last 500 or so posts of the Joe Danher - wants out of Tulla, thread in the Hangar. Now that the silly season is here (trades and drafts) perhaps there wll be a few more entres in this thread. Enjoy.

4 Likes


1d

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FOX FOOTY

2,457 Likes, 55 Comments - FOX FOOTY (@foxfooty) on Instagram: “Scenes from inside @essendonfc this afternoon… #afltrade

And another great clip, this time about another player the media built up as a trade, only for the communicative speculators to all be played.

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