Trade Wrapup - Essendon

Satirical Sports wrapup by Titus O'Reily. An Absolute Ripper


IN: Adam Cooney, Jonathan Giles, James Gwilt


OUT: Paddy Ryder


DRAFT PICKS: 17, 20, 62, 71, 89, 107, 125


An interesting attempt by Essendon to pretend they traded Paddy Ryder in the end because it was the right thing to do. Only the tinfoil hat brigade are buying that one.


Essendon took forever to get that deal done, even floating a dodgy deal involving free agency compensation.

The AFL blocked that idea saying they were disallowing it because they ‘hate Essendon.‘


Essendon did prove it‘s now a transition to retirement program as well as a legal defence fund, by trading to Adam Cooney.


Cooney said he choose Essendon because he wants to be coached by James Hird and liked the ‘sponginess of the floor‘ at Essendon‘s training facilities.


I think anyone who wants to be coached by James Hird should be surrounded by soft surfaces for their own safety.

Essendon were also very keen to announce they‘d signed James Gwilt. I wonder why? Is he studying law?

I think you'll find that's a satirical write up

It’s a parody review by Titus O’Neil. He did it to every club…

I got stuck behind some peanut in a right hand turn lane because he'd gone into the intersection & didn't have the balls to clear it, was screwing up the sensors or something. Of course there was someone in a big fat 4WD so you couldn't see what was happening. 3 light sequences I was stuck.

It's a parody review by Titus O'Neil. He did it to every club....



IN: Mitch Clark, Rhys Stanley

OUT: Allen Christensen, Travis Varcoe

DRAFT PICKS: 10, 47, 55, 60, 73, 91, 109, 127

A massive and much-needed upgrade in Geelong‘s Instagram ability.

Mitch Clark leaves Melbourne as a massive fan favourite and I can only imagine what he‘ll do to win the hearts of Geelong fans.

Losing Allen Christensen will hurt and nothing done here fills me with confidence.


Registered that it was a parody after I started reading the others. Wow media has me on a short fuse lately.

Don't worry we will pretty soon forget that you just went berko after reading a joke and felt compelled to write a thread about it in which we all took what the French term 'le pisse'

We're pretty forgiving like that.



IN: Kristian Jaksch, Mark Whiley, Liam Jones

OUT: Jarrad Waite, Jeff Garlett

DRAFT PICKS: 19, 28, 61, 65, 79, 101, 119

The AFL announced that the Blues would receive no compensation for losing Jarrad Waite, but we all know that losing him is compensation enough.

Some improvement here but nothing earth shattering.

Andrew McKay confirmed there had been a “bit of interest” in Mitch Robinson during the trade period. “Not from other AFL clubs but some police officers.”



Funny all round.

AFL players have it so easy when it comes to contracts. Try getting out of a mobile phone contract.


Great line from Titus.