TDSpartan posted this same joke 2 days ago with post # 4054.
My delivery was better.
I went to gym class. I asked the instructor " Can you teach me how to do the splits?"
" Sure" he replied “How flexible are you?”
" Well I can’t make Tuesdays" I said.
The great Tommy Cooper.
I had to go to the doctors. Told him my ears were aching and my hearing was suffering.
He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said Homer is a fat yellow lazy slob and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair.
Bumped into an old mate the other day. Couldn’t believe how happy he looked.
He said his wife told him she was popping out to get some milk and never came back.
And you’re not worried? I asked him.
Na, the powdered stuff is great. He said.
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
The husband puts their minds at ease, saying “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills.”
The social workers are impressed but they then express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare and diet.”
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
The husband replies, " It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon."
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
Barman said " What’s this, some sort of a joke?"