Makes as much sense as 98% of the other theoried stories posted here in the past fortnight.
Boo Simmo booooo.
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David Calthorpe came to my primary school as well.
All I remember was that someone asked him if he had his EJ Whitten medal he had just won and he had it in stored in the shelf on his drivers side door…
I used to see @jackie_mihocek at training at Windy Hill…I suspect in the Knights era.
Calthorpe was a general dogsbody who’d collect the balls after training. If Jackie collected one and threw or kicked it to him, Calthorpe behaved as if he was trying to steal the club’s entire collection of training balls.
Very surly and churlish individual.
The gall of the man, considering his exit…
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This thread might get a run in the media post the Dees anti bullying campaign. 
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PS Maxxie Gawn, I love you hipster beard and all 
I was a bit worried this week because I didn’t have any anecdotes up my sleeve for regular Melbourne players. They’re all clean cut sensible boys whose indiscretions are usually cleaned up pretty quickly by daddy’s PR firm. And I thought this thread might be dead in the water three rounds in. That’s until I saw the ins for this week and spotted Corey Wagner’s name.
Corey is without a shadow of a doubt the dumbest kid I ever met growing up. He never learned the body mechanics required to climb down ladders/trees/etc because he fell off literally every time, mostly by choice. He once kept a bottle of apple juice in his backpack for five months thinking it would turn into alcohol - he sculled the lot and instantly threw up everywhere. The next year he tried it again but left it for even longer, thinking that THAT was the flaw in his plan.
He’d turn up to school with all these cuts and scratches and say it was from playing with the cat that lives in his street. However once he elaborated it became very apparent that he was describing a koala. When he got called out he threatened to fight everyone. Even after someone went to the library and got an encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a koala and said “is this what the cat looks like” and he said yes he still insisted that he was right and it was a cat. He wanted to bet us $50 that he was right, but the whole drama repeated when it turned out he didn’t know what $50 looked like.
When we were in Year 8 we didn’t see him for the whole of Term 1. We assumed that he’d moved schools or died falling out of a tree or something, until we found out he’d just kept going to the Year 7 classrooms. And he was getting worse grades than the year before. He straight up didn’t know the difference between left and right (not like confusing them sometimes, straight didn’t understand they were two different things) until I think Year 10, when we worked out that he was left handed and because he wrote with that hand he assumed that was his right/write hand.
When we started going to parties, he kept insisting that the beer he was drinking out of a plastic bottle (I don’t know where he got it either) was better quality than glass or cans because “plastic is more technological.” He once gave out invitations to his party but instead of an address there was just a drawing of three houses with an arrow pointing to the one on the right.
It’s just as well this bloke is okay at footy because he is NO GOOD at anything else.
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Best one yet.
I don’t care if this thread has cursed our season - they are just too superb for simmo to stop.
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Worth the wait
How the ■■■■ is he able to remmeber to breathe, let alone play football.
Im almost tempted just 5o go tonight to watch him and see if this stuff is true.
Its not that i doubt you, and i have a low opinion of humanity as it is , but damn thats one dumb lump of a tree if its true
Some of the reactions to the stories in this thread are better than the actual stories
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I look forward to this each week far more than us playing.
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See, at this point I began to question the authenticity of this. Clearly “technological” would not have been a word in Corey’s vocabulary…
THIS should be Melbourne’s online bullying banner.
I shagged ex Dee’s player Adrian Battiston’s sister about 35 years ago, an unmemorable one night stand, does that count? I was completely wasted at the time & remembered starting the deed, but not actually finishing, if you know what I mean - passed out & woke up on some random couch, with her having done a runner (completely understandable).
I told a good mate Steve O’Dwyer, Dee’s ruckman from the 80’s about it at the time, I believe he made the most of it back at the club.
Pretty lame story I know
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uhhhhhhhhhh
I will try my best.
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