St Essington's Day - 25 August 2023

I moved to Melbourne in April 2005. Pure coincidence that my residency coincides with such a ■■■■■■ period.

A song for Essington

Oh Essington Day
Oh Essington Day
Our hallowed club pi$s taking day
We’ll play ■■■■ backs
Won’t drop our eyes
Kick to a chf that’s undersized
Oh Essington Day
Oh Essington Day
May everyone heap ■■■■ on thee

Lol very funny. I think i have said before that melbourne and essendon are the two worst clubs of the past 10 to 15 years, does anyone know the actual stats around this?

Yes, but define what you consider ‘worst’?


Melbourne have the dubious distinction of being the worst team over the last decade in terms of pure H&A wins, and by a very long way. If i take 2005 (i.e. the year we first cratered) as the starting point, the aggregate H&A position of the five worst teams through round 14 this year is as follows (from worst to ‘best’):

Melbourne: 78-177-3 (79.0%)
Brisbane: 92-161-3 (85.9%)
Carlton: 98-154-4 (91.2%)
Essendon: 101-151-4 (89.1%)
Richmond: 112-139-5 (92.8%)

Pretty incredible to think that, between those 5 teams over the last 11 completed seasons, there’s been a grand total of four finals wins (Carlton: 2, Brisbane: 1, Melbourne: 1). I guess it’s the opposite side of the coin to the fact that there’s been 3 dominant teams for the last decade (Hawthorn, Geelong, Sydney).

What stands out like a sore thumb is how big an influence the introduction of GWS/GC has had on the efficacy of the competition’s primary equalizing mechanism, the draft. What basically happened over the last decade is that you had 3-4 teams that were very strong in the late 2000s (e.g. Hawthorn, Geelong, Sydney), and then the enormous draft concessions granted to GWS/GC from 2009-2013 made it near impossible for mid-to-low table clubs to seriously rebuild and challenge the incumbents. I don’t think any of Geelong, Hawthorn or Sydney would’ve enjoyed the near-oligopoly they’ve had for the last decade had GWS/GC not been introduced, and i suspect the next 5-10 years will be much more even with more clubs bobbing up to compete for top 4 finishes & premierships.

In other words, fark hawthorn, their Fairweather fans and the draft concessions they rode in on

Can’t believe Neagle played on.

Lol very funny. I think i have said before that melbourne and essendon are the two worst clubs of the past 10 to 15 years, does anyone know the actual stats around this?

Yes, but define what you consider ‘worst’?


Melbourne have the dubious distinction of being the worst team over the last decade in terms of pure H&A wins, and by a very long way. If i take 2005 (i.e. the year we first cratered) as the starting point, the aggregate H&A position of the five worst teams through round 14 this year is as follows (from worst to ‘best’):

Melbourne: 78-177-3 (79.0%)
Brisbane: 92-161-3 (85.9%)
Carlton: 98-154-4 (91.2%)
Essendon: 101-151-4 (89.1%)
Richmond: 112-139-5 (92.8%)

Pretty incredible to think that, between those 5 teams over the last 11 completed seasons, there’s been a grand total of four finals wins (Carlton: 2, Brisbane: 1, Melbourne: 1). I guess it’s the opposite side of the coin to the fact that there’s been 3 dominant teams for the last decade (Hawthorn, Geelong, Sydney).

What stands out like a sore thumb is how big an influence the introduction of GWS/GC has had on the efficacy of the competition’s primary equalizing mechanism, the draft. What basically happened over the last decade is that you had 3-4 teams that were very strong in the late 2000s (e.g. Hawthorn, Geelong, Sydney), and then the enormous draft concessions granted to GWS/GC from 2009-2013 made it near impossible for mid-to-low table clubs to seriously rebuild and challenge the incumbents. I don’t think any of Geelong, Hawthorn or Sydney would’ve enjoyed the near-oligopoly they’ve had for the last decade had GWS/GC not been introduced, and i suspect the next 5-10 years will be much more even with more clubs bobbing up to compete for top 4 finishes & premierships.

Thanks for that analysis. I am not sure which year to start at, but i think in a way brisbane could be excluded because they won 3 flags up to 2004 so of course were gonna drop off. I think the shittest team over the period is probably a combination of least wins, least finals appearances, least finals wins. At least carlton won a few finals and at least richmond had seasons where they looked like a true contender finishing 5th i think twice. Our highest finish has been i think 8th. Maybe the fairest way to do it would be to calculate all finishing places from say 2004 and see who has the highest number, the team with the highest total would be the worst of that period.

With regards to the hawks, sydney, geelong and even collingwood, those teams have been up the top for an extended period i believe becauce they were at the top right at the right time. That being when free agency was introduced. So previously you would have teams age and have to go back to the draft, all the star players wanted to go to the top clubs, so those clubs were able to top up with free agents to help continue their reign at the top. That combined with as you said the draft concessions, meant nobody could rise and challenge them because they couldn;t get in a bunch of new talented kids and no stars from other clubs wanted to come to the mid to lower table teams when they could cherry pick going to a hawthorn type club instead.

An interesting proposition. Have we formed a general consensus on when St Essington was created.

I tend to look at the draft day/s that resulted in Carlton spuds like Murphy, Allan and Campo parking their ■■■■ bomb cars in Napier st and asking where the changing sheds are. Never recovered from then.

An interesting proposition. Have we formed a general consensus on when St Essington was created.

I tend to look at the draft day/s that resulted in Carlton spuds like Murphy, Allan and Campo parking their ■■■■ bomb cars in Napier st and asking where the changing sheds are. Never recovered from then.

My nomination would be the day Jackson realised he has farked the salary cap up

Whatever day we land on I think St Essington day should become an annual blitzafest of sorts.

An interesting proposition. Have we formed a general consensus on when St Essington was created.

I tend to look at the draft day/s that resulted in Carlton spuds like Murphy, Allan and Campo parking their ■■■■ bomb cars in Napier st and asking where the changing sheds are. Never recovered from then.

Definitely around 03’ish. Probably started taking shape around the time we kept getting bent over interstate.

Pretty incredible to think that, between those 5 teams over the last 11 completed seasons, there's been a grand total of four finals wins (Carlton: 2, Brisbane: 1, Melbourne: 1). I guess it's the opposite side of the coin to the fact that there's been 3 dominant teams for the last decade (Hawthorn, Geelong, Sydney).

C—ton also managed to win a spoon in that period as well. By the looks the ladder (and last years), Brisbane will probably over take everyone in the shitness department real soon.

Bugger it - the original version of a song for essington was “we’ve copped this ■■■■ since two oh oh three” as its last line.
I would have become immortal.

Grand final 2001 was probably actually the beginning of the end, we just didn’t know it yet.

Lol very funny. I think i have said before that melbourne and essendon are the two worst clubs of the past 10 to 15 years, does anyone know the actual stats around this?

Yes, but define what you consider ‘worst’?


Melbourne have the dubious distinction of being the worst team over the last decade in terms of pure H&A wins, and by a very long way. If i take 2005 (i.e. the year we first cratered) as the starting point, the aggregate H&A position of the five worst teams through round 14 this year is as follows (from worst to ‘best’):

Melbourne: 78-177-3 (79.0%)
Brisbane: 92-161-3 (85.9%)
Carlton: 98-154-4 (91.2%)
Essendon: 101-151-4 (89.1%)
Richmond: 112-139-5 (92.8%)

Pretty incredible to think that, between those 5 teams over the last 11 completed seasons, there’s been a grand total of four finals wins (Carlton: 2, Brisbane: 1, Melbourne: 1). I guess it’s the opposite side of the coin to the fact that there’s been 3 dominant teams for the last decade (Hawthorn, Geelong, Sydney).

What stands out like a sore thumb is how big an influence the introduction of GWS/GC has had on the efficacy of the competition’s primary equalizing mechanism, the draft. What basically happened over the last decade is that you had 3-4 teams that were very strong in the late 2000s (e.g. Hawthorn, Geelong, Sydney), and then the enormous draft concessions granted to GWS/GC from 2009-2013 made it near impossible for mid-to-low table clubs to seriously rebuild and challenge the incumbents. I don’t think any of Geelong, Hawthorn or Sydney would’ve enjoyed the near-oligopoly they’ve had for the last decade had GWS/GC not been introduced, and i suspect the next 5-10 years will be much more even with more clubs bobbing up to compete for top 4 finishes & premierships.

Plus we alone got hit with the triple whammy of being banned from high draft picks for 2 years, as well as all the other sh!+ the AFL served up to us the last four years.

An interesting proposition. Have we formed a general consensus on when St Essington was created.

I tend to look at the draft day/s that resulted in Carlton spuds like Murphy, Allan and Campo parking their ■■■■ bomb cars in Napier st and asking where the changing sheds are. Never recovered from then.

My nomination would be the day Jackson realised he has farked the salary cap up

Did he ever admit that he had?

Grand final 2001 was probably actually the beginning of the end, we just didn't know it yet.

Admit it. It was the comeback game.

In retrospect, that was the one that broke us. We have never been the same since.

Lol very funny. I think i have said before that melbourne and essendon are the two worst clubs of the past 10 to 15 years, does anyone know the actual stats around this?

Yes, but define what you consider ‘worst’?


Melbourne have the dubious distinction of being the worst team over the last decade in terms of pure H&A wins, and by a very long way. If i take 2005 (i.e. the year we first cratered) as the starting point, the aggregate H&A position of the five worst teams through round 14 this year is as follows (from worst to ‘best’):

Melbourne: 78-177-3 (79.0%)
Brisbane: 92-161-3 (85.9%)
Carlton: 98-154-4 (91.2%)
Essendon: 101-151-4 (89.1%)
Richmond: 112-139-5 (92.8%)

Pretty incredible to think that, between those 5 teams over the last 11 completed seasons, there’s been a grand total of four finals wins (Carlton: 2, Brisbane: 1, Melbourne: 1). I guess it’s the opposite side of the coin to the fact that there’s been 3 dominant teams for the last decade (Hawthorn, Geelong, Sydney).

What stands out like a sore thumb is how big an influence the introduction of GWS/GC has had on the efficacy of the competition’s primary equalizing mechanism, the draft. What basically happened over the last decade is that you had 3-4 teams that were very strong in the late 2000s (e.g. Hawthorn, Geelong, Sydney), and then the enormous draft concessions granted to GWS/GC from 2009-2013 made it near impossible for mid-to-low table clubs to seriously rebuild and challenge the incumbents. I don’t think any of Geelong, Hawthorn or Sydney would’ve enjoyed the near-oligopoly they’ve had for the last decade had GWS/GC not been introduced, and i suspect the next 5-10 years will be much more even with more clubs bobbing up to compete for top 4 finishes & premierships.

Thanks for that analysis. I am not sure which year to start at, but i think in a way brisbane could be excluded because they won 3 flags up to 2004 so of course were gonna drop off. I think the shittest team over the period is probably a combination of least wins, least finals appearances, least finals wins. At least carlton won a few finals and at least richmond had seasons where they looked like a true contender finishing 5th i think twice. Our highest finish has been i think 8th. Maybe the fairest way to do it would be to calculate all finishing places from say 2004 and see who has the highest number, the team with the highest total would be the worst of that period.


If i take ladder positions at the end of each H&A season since 2005 and average them for the 5 teams above, the result is the same - average H&A ladder position since 2005 is as follows, from worst to best:

Melbourne: 13.45
Brisbane: 12.27
Carlton: 11.55
Essendon: 11.27
Richmond: 10.73

Melbourne are unquestionably the worst team of the last decade or so, no matter which way you cut it - from 2007-2015 they averaged 5.2 wins per season, finished no higher than 12th in any season with an average ladder finishing position of 14.9, and had a cumulative percentage of 72.8%. They have been so bad that they should actually be lauded for their efforts to stay as bad as they have been, in spite of the AFL’s numerous equalizing measures - it’s actually a statistically significant achievement.

Since 2004, … and it’s in the top 10.

… of the worst.

I’ve been on here since 2005 and this is THE best thread I’ve ever seen.

You’ve been here since 2004? That’s ages.