+100
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Iām doing better. I did ask my GP to change my mental meds, but iāve been naughty and havenāt changed to the new one, just withdrawn. Three weeks in and iām coping. The mood has been a bit wild but I feel like itās just getting used to having the full 100% of emotions available again. I am still seeing my psychologist though so in a couple of weeks iāll discuss with him again then go back to see my GP.
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Good day for it. Iām pretty depressed today by politics.
I am most days but it is especially bad today.
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Iāve talked with my supervisor about my struggles and he knows Iām seeking help. Had a brief project meeting with him today, no time for mental health issues.
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Iāve posted about this a while ago in this thread, but I missed a day of work due to mental health issues and received documentation of my written warning on RUOK day, via email, with the yellow ribbon attached to the signature block.
Not the fault of the foundation, but Iām not really comfortable with the day any more.
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Thatās rough, and obviously blind of your employer.
The day itself- good intentions and all, but I suspect few people really give a rats about it.
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Thanks Soulnet.
Iām going to a gig tonight. Something I like to do along with the odd movie night with mates.
I believe in the following socialist theory. Having been through some rough times Iāve come to realise the value of these sort of places
When he says it I think he means just places
To me itās a bit of tennis, music, coffee with my neighbour at a cafe, taking the dog to the park.
Places where people arenāt judgemental. Or if they are itās a pub test that helps you feel grounded
Hope everyoneās doing ok today
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Iām working on a project to bring fun to blitz. Much much bigger than anticipated but who cares?
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Intriguing. When will we hear more?
To give the programmer response, itās done when itās done 
Some hints:
Itās a very mancave project.
Anyone can join.
You will be able to cheer and boo.
Has electronic components.
Itās physically being built.
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Even more intriguing.
I will stay tuned.
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I have a long lost mate who was once building a winamp based jukebox accessible via remote loginā¦
Aaron?
AAAARROOOON?!
Not Aaron. He sounds like he knows what heās doing.
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He did. He wrote an app for me back in the day that I sold for not small change to my customer base and then disappeared without a trace or an invoice.
He was fond of a bourbon or two.
I had a really tense meeting with my manager on Friday, a meeting that Iāve been dreading for awhile to be honest and they took a very passive aggressive tone with me. I wont go into too many details, needless to say Iām frustrated by how this particular issue has been handled and unsure of what Iām exactly required to do. So whoever says your boss calls a meeting and you shouldnāt automatically go into panic mode doesnt really know what theyāre talking about, sometimes you just know.
Anyway I really couldnāt do any work after that and I feel like absolute crap now - dry throat, shaking, weak legs, butterflies in my stomach along with the thought loops inside my head that have pretty much continued all weekend and left me absolutely drained. The worst thing is that when I finally manage to drift off to sleep I wake up a 20-30 minutes later in a panic. So rather reluctantly I have some diazepam left from ten or so years back that Iāve taken to help me sleep but I donāt think its anywhere near as refreshing going to sleep naturally.
Although Iāve just laid in bed for most of the weekend, I forced myself to go for a swim yesterday and today. I tried to go for a run today too but my legs just wouldnāt have a bar of it, 2kms in and I had to stop despite not having run for a whole week. Iāve tried breathing techniques and meditation videos but when Iām in this state, nothing seems to snap me out of it. Iām curious to see whether anybody else experiences something similar and what they do to snap out of it. Iām having a meeting with my manager and managers manager on Tuesday that Iām also absolutely dreading. Why cant I learn to just not give a ā ā ā ā like other people? Logically I know worrying about this ā ā ā ā isnt helping, so why I canāt I just stop wasting my energy on worrying.
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You need to prepare for the meetings. By that l mean identify the issues raised, anticipate questions they will ask and map out your responses in advance. Not easy but try and get on the front foot and if you can do the above it will make your managers give pause and put you in a better light.
If you donāt and go in looking nervous they will spot that in an instant and take it as a sign of weakness, reinforcing any previously held views.
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Thats my plan for the meeting but Iām not sure Iāll be able to stick to it. When Iām in this state, itās really hard to maintain focus. Routines just go to pieces. For instance, I always check to see Iāve put my bathers in my swimming bag before I leave the pool but yesterday I didnāt, nearly happened today as well, countless other similar examples the last few days.
You have hit upon the key word, focus. Then you need to rehearse your answers.
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Thank you, i suppose my main question though is to see if anybody else gets in this hyperaroused state of anxiety and how they come down from it.
You should take a support person with you to the meeting
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