Hey Soulnet. Have you tried therapy? I have personally found it very helpful for grief. Also Journalling can help. Better out than in. It’s ok to feel the feelings friend.
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Yup. I see a psychologist once a month. Have been for about three plus years now.
I’ve mentioned all this before to him. He tells me the process of grieving is never in a straight line (as per the simpsons) but can jump back and forward.
As for writing it down, we’ll, here I am…
It’s the reminder I need at times that although I am going through a process, the struggle is real and I don’t always need to go through it alone. You know the loneliness in the middle of millions of people sensation.
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A couple of thoughts (truths?) I’ve been working through over the last 18 months since my Mum had her seizure.
First, everyone suffers. It’s a part of the human condition. And going through it ourselves allows us to empathise with others.
Second, if we didn’t know suffering, we also couldn’t experience joy. And that works in degrees too, I think. The greater our suffering, the greater the contrast with the best times in life, and the more keenly we can experience or appreciate it.
That doesn’t take away from the fact that suffering sucks. And it’s hard to go through. But we’re not alone.
Which on a lighter topic, also means the day Essendon next wins a flag will be a great day of rejoicing!
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Tomorrow would be my Dad’s birthday. I lost him physically 3years ago. We never really had any kind of relationship. He was too broken and scared. He killed himself slowly with drink and diet and diabetes meant that he also went out in bits and pieces (as morbid as that is).
My first recollection of mourning him was when I was 16. He had his first major stroke and made me promise not to let my Mum know and told I wasn’t to come and see him
In the hospital again. I lasted about 24 hours before I had a breakdown in the cool room in the kitchen where I was doing my apprenticeship (which he hounded me into after I gave up school). He lasted a bit over 25 years. I’m proud that he forced himself to learn to use the left side of his body again after being told he was going to be in a wheelchair for life. He was a hard bastard. He was a dedicated misogynist and racist and I often can’t find many nice things to say about him.
I guess I’m saying this because for some of us the experience of losing a parent is the opposite of the common version and the sense of injustice that some people feel about losing a parent they loved and were loved by, makes me question why people like my Dad get the endless chances and extra time they do. And there’s no rhyme or reason to it. If I could give you the extra time my Dad had, I’d do it. It would represent as much kindness to him as it would to you.
I know none of that is logical and it’s very unlikely to even represent much in the way of cold comfort.
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You know my dad and I only really started reconnecting after he had his first heart attack. We were both too stubborn to let bygones be bygones and mum reckons a major degree of why i’m suffering is the fact i’m regretting all that time lost.
It’s a funny thing though. I picked up woodworking after inheriting all his tools. What started as ‘what the heck is this thing’ became something I learned to appreciate and then now have happily built stuff that would take me years in the past to convince dad to build for me. Would I have that now if dad was around, probably not. Can’t stop and think sometimes though when i’m stuck on a project what it would be like to ask him. We’d probably fight 
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My old man enjoyed woodworking too. He built me a lathe as a kid, but refused to show me how to use it and branded me ungrateful.
The thing I find hard about my Dad is that I know virtually nothing about his childhood and his parents who passed when I was an infant. He did such a great job of driving everyone away that it was only at his wake that I learned about my grandfather in any detail from the estranged relatives that came along.
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My grandfather had that attitude towards my dad! Funny thing is now we can watch youtube videos on woodworking for hours together and comment on the stuff. He’s 93 but he’s suffering from Alzheimers. He doesn’t remember anything recent (he’ll ask where dad is when I see him) but he’ll tell me how and what he built using the techniques we see.
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I reckon your mum is spot on. It is now up to you, to reconcile this observation. Doing so will help you move forward, sweeping it away will hold you back.
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I had a better day yesterday. Today’s going ok so far.
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Hi folks. First thank you for all the kind words and support as it’s meant a lot to me, particularly the dms.
I saw my GP today and i’m going back onto anti-depressants and I agree with the outcome. Although i’m not anywhere near the point of physically harming myself (not going to happen ever) the emotional rollercoaster where the mind and the emotions were not aligned were starting to affect a normal daily routine.
I did umm and ahh over the decision but this is simply another level of support to get me through this. The thought did occur that i’m weak and useless and all sorts of other nasties but then reminded myself that wanting help and looking for help is in fact a great strength.
So I will pull through. You can’t get rid of me that easily 
As always appreciate the support blitzers.
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Hear, hear, well said that man.
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Surprisingly insightful and excellent mental health interview on “AFL Tonight” with a hawthorn player.
Hopefully on YouTube soon.
Has anyone had any experience with psychogenic seizures?