If it makes you feel better Heff6 has been known to say “oh for ■■■■ sake.” He gets the context right every time.
The wife is a very devout Catholic and mister 4 who’s been into reconciliation week activities a childcare comes home and asks “Daddy, is God Aboriginal?” Me: sure, why not!
My Mum is down visiting.
Me “What’s on tv?”
Mum “Home and Away is on”
PH jr “We’re not watching that crap”
Think I am having a fair bit of influence on him.
Not said, writing in a birthday card, copying his mum’s handwriting and misreading an r, and putting a couple of letters in the wrong order… happy bitchday!
Not mine, but…
Miss 16: What have you got there?
Miss 8: Cake.
16: Who made you that?
8: My mum.
16: I wish I had one.
8: saddest eyes ever, offers half of cake
Oh the innocence of the young
In a card shop with my daughter and 9 year old granddaughter, when 9yr old pipes up in a loudish voice
"Oh look at this cute card… (picture of cute fluffy kitten draped over an older style phone)… look Mum it says ‘you wanted a picture of my p ussy on my phone, well here it is’ …isn’t that funny Mum!!
I don’t know how we kept straight faces.
A pigeon flew at a window and broke its neck today.
Little 4 year old girl saw it from inside.
LG – is the birdie sick? Why is it lying down?
Me – Yep, I don’t think it’s too well.
Girl get’s distracted, I go and double-bag the pigeon and throw it in the bin – had a broken neck and pooled blood around its head.
LG later – Where’s the birdie?
Me – Well, it…ah…died. It flew into the window cause it didn’t see it, and hurt itself, and now it’s gone.
LG – Gone? Where’s it gone?
Me – Well, it was …ah…dead, so I put it in a bag and threw it away.
LG – you threw the birdie away? What about its paw?
Me – Its paw? Birds have feet and talons, not paws.
LG – Where’s it paw?
Me – Well its feet are stuck to it, like your feet are stuck to you.
LG – Why did you put it in a bag?
Me – Because …ah…well I threw it out so I put it in a bag first.
LG – You threw the birdie in the rubbish? In the rubbish bin?
Me – Yep – because it died. Sometimes thing die.
LG – And its paw too?
Me – Its paw is in the bag too, yes – but – well…it’s stuck to the bird so of course it is.
LG – Why is the birdie in the rubbish?
Me – Because – like I just said – the birdie hit the window by mistake, and died, and I had to throw it away.
LG – So why didn’t we bury it then if it died? Poor birdie! (starting to tear up)
Me – Ahm…yep, maybe we should have buried it I guess. I was just rushing.
LG – The poor birdie and its paw are in the rubbish! That’s NOT NICE OK?? (voice raising, in tears)
Me – (backing away slowly) Ok look – maybe we can just say some nice things about the birdie and that will make it better?
LG – THE BIRDIES PAW IS IN THE RUBBISH THAT’S NOT NICE!!! (screeching)
At that point, I walked hurriedly away, since this was not my child, nor was I responsible for her at the time. Come to think about it - I wasn’t responsible for disposing of the pigeon, either. It would have been nice if the adults around had lent a hand, but no…they let me squirm through the whole thing.
Child has a weird PAW obsession.
Yeah, that farking ‘paw’ thing nearly got me unhinged.
Thing is - I really underestimated her. I thought she was upset because the bird died. But no - what she was upset about, was that I threw it in the rubbish - with its paw.
Your first mistake was you didn’t answer the question about where the bird went with “It flew away”.
Yep, … or it turned into an angel and rose up to Bird Heaven.
Or “giant rats came and took it away so they can eat it”. Whatever floats your boat I guess.
It flew away to a farm in the country.
I obviously got it all wrong from the start.
You could have just given the kid a lesson in stranger danger.
Instead of throwing it in the bin, a quick thinking person - especially one with Deck’s culinary skills - would have cooked it up for dinner a la Hemmingway in Paris.
Or used it as a puppet to explain the circle of life from the perspective of a stoopid pigeon.
Except… the vast majority of of horrible stuff that happens to children is perpetrated by family and family friends.
The whole ‘stranger danger’ bullshiit should actually be ‘family danger’.
My dad forced me to cook and eat a pigeon I killed with a slingshot when I was about 8.
That’s a far too sensible and deep reply than my post warranted.