you have to be pretty direct with them, as per this thread they don’t understand subtlety. The balancing act is what they relay to their parents.
My boys are 6 and nearly 3, and we have an Elf on the Shelf. The little one was annoying the bigger one, who politely asks the Elf “ Can you please magic Arlo into a poo so I can swish him?”.
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You may be after the Dumb Questions thread.
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A couple of weeks ago I showed young Heff5 the last quarter of the 2009 Anzac day game. He was kind impressed with the Zakarakis goal.
He just finished playing a game of snap with MrHeff and looked like he was going to lose. But with the last card he managed to get snap and take the pot. He smiled at MrHeff and said “Daddy, that was just like the Zakarakis goal.” Hahahaha MrHeff gave me a filthy look - he ■■■■■■■ hates that goal.
Well done young Heff.
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My wife has a series of young nieces. One in particular is a captivating little gem. She is 2 years old, and able to repeat phrases in English after only hearing them modeled once. Another niece came to visit last week from her home village, one l had never met before. She is six years old, and was also able to repeat short sentences in English after only hearing them once. Neither of these kids have anyone in their immediate vicinity that speaks English, they just have a gift. The third niece is also 6 and goes to a school in a town in the mountains. Although she is one of the top students, she doesn’t have the same language skills. We are looking to adopt this last niece.
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After a dispute over the sale of high school textbooks, when the buyer’s mum rang LMW.
To me:
'Oh, you wanna play mums? ‘Cos I’ll play mums!’
The dispute was resolved quite quickly.
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I taught my 2yr 8mo old son to sing the alphabet.
For giggles in front of mummy I replaced E, F, G with E, “effin”, G.
The kid has run with it.
Daddy is in the dog house.
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Next step…
H I J K LEMON YELLOW PEE
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And instead of knife and fork, switch it around to fork and knife
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Little miss 3 consoling daddy who’s battling a bit of flu, “I don’t like sickness,… I like chocolates”
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Sounds reasonable enough. 
#MeToo!!!
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3 and a bit year old over heard some bad language.
Dad - what’s a f#cken.
He said flocken - he was talking about his flock of sheep.
Daddy, why is he f#cken the sheep.
Silence
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Because sheep need to be flocked. That’s what they do. They flock everywhere, all the time. If they’re not flocking, they’re lonely. So they naturally want to flock. And if they don’t, we flock them. And if there’s too many for us to flock, we get a dog to flock them.
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New Zealanders are good sheep flockers too.
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They’re not very good shearers though because they won’t shear them with anyone
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Where are your gum boots?
Watching the football
“Where is Dyson Heppell, where is Dyson Heppell”
Followed by
“Yucky Carlton”
Nailing parenting
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But a flock of sheep is a thing.
Recently started toilet training 2 and a bit year old and he’s discovered his ■■■■■, fantastically exciting for him, embarrassing for me. Standing in the shops he started touching himself and saying “daddy touch willy”. Middle of the checkout, I’m trying to ignore him and hope someone else takes him home when he starts screaming “daddy touch willy, take photo”.
Waiting for the police to rock up ever since.
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H’m kindergarten could be interesting.
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