What annoys you?

[Soulnet]

“Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

“Service for old man to check they are still alive or not.”

“I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

“Time is very valuable and it should be always used to achieve optimum results and I believe it should not be played around with”

“I belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…”

And, my favorite:

“Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail”

Also, great at ironing.

Fixed.

[BLOODSTAINED_DEVILS]

Keep em coming!

Read my mind,… please more!!

Cracking me up.

[HowManyGoal]

Ask and thou shall reseive:

Woman who sent her résumé and cover letter without deleting someone else’s editing, including such comments as “I don’t think you want to say this about yourself here”

Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)”

Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway”

“I am great with the pubic.”

A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com

The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.

One candidate’s electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.

“My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.”

One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.

[HowManyGoal]

Hobbies: “Having a good time”

Achievements: “Nominated for prom queen”

Candidate explained a gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for three months.

Candidate explained an arrest by stating, “We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.”

“Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”

Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

[Deckham]

These are farkin great.

[dingus]

Microsoft excel.

Die, Bart. Die.

[dingus]

By which I do not mean “The, Bart. The.”

[CaesarCod]

Microsoft Excel is one of the greatest pieces of software ever written.

[dingus]

That may be true.

It also may not.

[miss_ellie]

Ask and thou shall reseive:

Woman who sent her résumé and cover letter without deleting someone else’s editing, including such comments as “I don’t think you want to say this about yourself here”

Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)”

Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway”

“I am great with the pubic.”

A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com

The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.

One candidate’s electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.

“My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.”

One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.

Thanks for posting all very funny.

The bolded one, made lol, it reminded me of my niece. She is a Psych nurse, was moaning one day re hating her job.

Many other fields in nursing, try another field, I said. She says, nope, can’t stand the sight of blood.

[theDJR]

Microsoft Excel is one of the greatest pieces of software ever written.

That may be true.

It also may not.

It’s both.

I should know, been using the damn thing for 32 years…

[OBITV]

Achievements: “Nominated for prom queen”

An applicant I once had put down “Milk Monitor in Grade 3”.

[theDJR]

An applicant I once had put down “Milk Monitor in Grade 3”.

If they’d then added “Responsible for 46% reduction in visits by the sawdust man” I’d have taken them seriously.

[HowManyGoal]

Interests: “Gossiping.”

Experience: “I’m a hard worker, etc.”

Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”

Reason for leaving: “I thought the world was coming to an end.”

Objective: “So one of the main things for me is, as the movie ‘Jerry McGuire’ puts it, ‘Show me the money!’”

Skills: “I have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.”

Skills: “I have technical skills that will take your breath away.”

Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”

Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”

Salary desired: “Starting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job.”

References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”

Awards: “National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.”

“I am a ‘neat nut’ with a reputation for being hardnosed. I have no patience for sloppywork, carelessmistakes and theft of companytime.”

[Deckham]

Interests: “Gossiping.”

As an aside…
Once upon a time, I went on a blind date - RSVP or something (yeah, so what???mind your business!!!)
Anyway - I ask this chick, who turned up having sleeve tats and was …ahm…a little more ‘substantial’ than her outdated pictures showed, what she did with her spare time. To which she said - “I like watching soapies on the coach with a bag of chips”. Seriously.

[Alan_Noonan_10]

People picking on other posters’ spelling and grammar! Tantamount to bullying.

Oh! Isn’t this the Blatant Hypocrisy thread?

[wimmera1]

Unfunny and obvious fake accounts that are tolerated because I guess one person thinks it’s hilarious.

[Reboot]

People picking on other posters’ spelling and grammar! Tantamount to bullying.

Oh! Isn’t this the Blatant Hypocrisy thread?

No, but it may be the blithering hippopotamus thread, so you are not out of place.

[magicalcharlie]

That lyn1 ■■■■

[Reboot]

That lyn1 ■■■■

Now there’s a surname for ya!