Please remember, these are footy folklore.
I, personally, cannot verify any of this.
(Well, apart from the first one which my dad features in, I can verify that)
The story goes that Matthew Primus got drafted by Fitzroy with the 2nd pick in the National Draft, having developed late, as some big men seem to, and played some senior footy at Norwood.
Late in the season the Lions were up against the Crows in Adelaide, and the impressionable youngster was paired up with Simon Atkins as his room mate at the hotel.
Atkins was pleased to be catching up with his twin brother Paul, a former Sydney Swan who was now playing in the SANFL.
The Lions played the Crows and were resoundingly thrashed and the boys went out on the town to drown some sorrows, Martin Pike leading the charge, being a local boy with a reputation for knowing which pubs to go to in Adelaide for a good time.
At some point the Atkins brothers disappeared and eventually the young, impressionable, Primus made his way back to the hotel room, with chaperone Pikey.
He opened his door to find one Atkins brother balls deep in the other one. Being identical twins made it nigh on impossible in the moment to determine which was actually up the other, but at that point our boy Matty wasn't fussed, his upbringing told him this was wrong on a number of levels.
The rumour also continues that Martin Pike, who had been with Primus immediately before, was still in the hallway and heard Primus' shriek of (let's call it) surprise. He called out to ask if everything was all right. Matty was speechless. In the words of Marsellus Wallce in the movie that came out a couple of years before, Pulp Fiction, "No man, I'm pretty farkin far from OK".