Neuvo Classicos

[Captain_Jack]

The reason Goddard was/is "selfish" this season is because he didn't/doesn't trust his teammates ON the field and it was plain to see this year.

That’s why he was calling for the ball in positions and situations where he shouldn’t have this year because he is a leader and he wants to make sure he gets the best out of himself, everyone else around him, the team as a whole and playing group as a whole each and every week. He wants the responsibility when the pressure is on because he isn’t just a high quality player but a teammate and person also.

He didn’t/doesn’t trust his teammates because the majority of them didn’t want to be out there every week this year. In fact it was a real effort by the leaders at the club, coaching staff and friends and family to help get most guys up to play every week and they really should be commended as they were simply fantastic this season.

This is why you saw him turning the ball over more than usual this year and trying to do TOO much when the Goddard we all know and love would have taken the easy option or just given it off to a teammate.

Everyone see’s the finger pointing and the sprays and thinks “Fark you Goddard! You’ve played ■■■■■! Where’s your man, you idiot?!”, “You’re not even a proper Essendon player!” or “Who do you think you are?!” but let me ask you this: In your day-to-day job or schooling, how many of you have had to put up with or pick up the slack of a colleague, teammate or friend in order to make sure you perform (and/or the team) to your best possible level and meet a deadline for example or ensure something important gets done?

Now imagine that you are in the media and public eye everyday for 3 years, you a scrutinised and slandered through the media, your family is also under all kinds of stress because of the workload and public perception/pressure put on you by the media. Add to that, you make hundreds of thousands of dollars based on your work within your business/class/course which is dependant upon your performance and consistency week in, week out.

You also only have 10-12 years of this to make as much money as you can, while you can only if you are REALLY lucky and then after that, your body will probably feel the equivalent to a 40-45 year old if you are lucky, in your early to mid 30’s and you will have little to no job/work prospects unless you manage this carefully throughout this profession/class/course on top of what you already have to deal with.

What I am saying is, being a perfectionist in this league is the best possible mindset and work ethic you can bring to training and preparation each week before a game. Coaches love these players because they are usually the best players and we have a grand total of 2-3 in our team whereas you look at Hawthorn who have 20-25 players who are like this and a coach who is exactly the same.

I really think Goddard should command a hell of a lot more respect and appreciation from some Blitzers/supporters than he does currently and this latest Chapman autobiography has just given them an excuse to come out of the wood work and use it as an opportunity to potshot and pigeonhole him which I don’t think is fair at all.

He has bled for this club every week for 3 seasons now after coming into a new environment which he has treated with nothing but respect whilst also being a leader and a face for the playing group without even being asked.

I love Chapman and even though he only played for us for 2 seasons, I thoroughly enjoyed watching him play in the Red & Black but I find this latest chapter on BJ in poor taste and more of an opportunity to say “Fark you!” or get a leg up rather than actually commenting on or giving an opinion/insight into a players demeanour/work ethic behind closed doors.

At the end of the day, when Goddard retires, he will most likely be given life membership and be regarded as a club champion. Chapman will not.

I apologise for the long ranting post but I just had to put this out there and get it off my chest.

#StandByGoddard

From the ‘Chappy book on Goddard and Hird,’ in the Hangar.
A high quality post, about a high quality player.

[Captain_Jack]

I have some inside info to share with you.

As some of you may know, the Dees were seriously considering picking Francis with pick 3, and whilst they favoured Oliver, they scheduled a meeting with Francis just before the draft to give him an opportunity to change their minds.

Apparently Francis sabotaged the meeting on purpose, such was his desire to join the Dons.

How do I know this?

My connections gave me the transcript of the interview:

Melbourne Recruiter: So, what would you say is your best attribute?

Francis: I get to sleep very easily. 15 hours a night.

Melbourne Recruiter: We hear you have some endurance issues. What are you doing about it?

Francis: I’ve been very proactive. I got myself a running coach.

Melbourne Recruiter: That’s great! Who is your coach?

Francis: Relton Roberts

Melbourne Recruiter: To succeed, you need passion for the game. Do you have passion for the game?

Francis: Definitely … yeah, um, sure … sometimes …

Melbourne Recruiter: What do you like most about AFL?

Francis: I’m a big fan of the 3 strike system.

Melbourne Recruiter: There is some talk that if we select you that you would be a flight risk. Is this true?

Francis: Not yet. But I am working on beating Boony’s record.

Melbourne Recruiter: What would you say has been your greatest achievement so far?

Francis: The other day I got pulled over by the cops and blew .04

Melbourne Recruiter: You have been likened to Luke Hodge, Josh Gibson and Brendon Goddard. Which player is a good comparison to how you play?

Francis: Because I can play lots of different roles, I wouldn’t say there is one player. I feel I have the courage of Jimmy Toumpas, the competitiveness of Lucas Cook, the consistency of Sam Blease, the durability of Luke Tapscott and the precision kicking skills of Cale Morton.

Melbourne Recruiter: What current Melbourne player do you most want to emulate?

Francis: Dean Terlich

Melbourne Recruiter: What benefit would drafting you have on our organisation?

Francis: It would take a lot of the focus off Jack Watts.

Melbourne Recruiter: Well, that’s about it. Thanks for meeting us on such short notice Aaron!

Francis: No problem. You wouldn’t happen to have a light on you, would you?

Can someone get Jackie to incorporate this into the next comic! Clever.

It may be copyright but it’s not a bad idea. Brilliant piece of work.

Garnering critical acclaim a post from the ‘Welcome to Essendon - Aaron Francis’ thread, in the Hangar.

[Captain_Jack]

Some fun from the Welcome to Essendon - Yestin Eades thread in the Hangar.
Now many more Blitzers are getting involved, but the following is the Eadesily the best of the lot.

Well I was wanderin' down the wing wantin' to do my thing,

I got 7 options on my mind,

4 Dont even know me, two leadin’ one is Joey,

… & the goal itself is looking fine,

I’ll take it Eads-ey, take it E e eads-ey

Won’t let the size of my own tank, make me crazy.

Sir, take a bow.

Extra points for being my old busking opening number.

[Captain_Jack]

From the Training - December 18 thread in The Hangar.

“I’m a little teapot…”

[Captain_Jack]

In the wake of the Tracy Holes interview with James Hird comes this literary post from the Sorry Saga thread.

You know, reading the posts today about Tracey Holmes & Hird etc. discussing the centralising of power within sporting bodies, corruption, etc. I'm reminded of George Orwell's dystopian classic, Animal Farm. The book is about the dangers of totalitarianism & its propaganda.

In Animal Farm, the animals rebel against the supposedly cruel human owners and take over their farm, led by the pigs (Napoleon & Snowball).

They re-name the farm, Animal Farm. In the early days all goes well and the pigs cement their hold on power over Animal Farm.

Through trial & tribulations over the course of the course of the book (Napoleon winning a power struggle over Snowball) you end up where the pigs organise to have one of the loyal & hard working farm animals - a tireless work-horse named Boxer - to be sent to a vet for an injury because he can get better care there. Boxer truly loved the farm and literally gave his all to it through supreme effort.

When the hospital van arrives to take Boxer to the vet, another animal notices the word “knacker” written on the side & tries to rescue Boxer. One of the pig lieutenants claims the hospital bought the van from a knacker and hadn’t re-painted it. The pigs later claim Boxer died peacefully and hold a festival in his honour at the farm exhorting all animals to work harder. The truth was that Napoleon sold one of his hardest working & loyal farm animals - who really bought into the dream of the animals owning & running the farm - to a knacker for money to buy whisky for himself and the other pigs.

As the years fly on and many of the animals involved in the original farm rebellion have passed away, the pigs control over the farm and all animals becomes absolute & total. The pigs rule by a combination of intimidation & propaganda. The pigs start wearing clothes, walking up right and carrying whips, morphing into the humans that were originally overthrown.

At the very end of the book, Napoleon - still the chief pig - holds a party with some local farmers to celebrate a new alliance with them. He even restores the original name of the farm (Manor Farm).

And hauntingly, as the other animals look from pigs to humans, they realise they can’t distinguish one from the other.

Which brings us to professional sport and and the central bodies, like FIFA & the AFL, that preside over the their respective sport codes.

The FIFA’s & AFL’s of this world have become the pigs of Animal Farm.

Put in charge of their codes (farms) by the clubs (farm animal breeds & individual animals) for the good of the game (farm) they initially start well but power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. They end up running the game for the good of themselves (like the pigs), not for the good of the game/clubs/players, through a mixture of intimidation & propaganda…even to the point of forcing journalists to have “accreditation”.

And you end up with the Matt Rendell’s & James Hird’s of the game being treated like Boxer was at Animal Farm by the controlling power.

You end up with AFL suggested “communications specialists”, like Liz Lukin, telling folk at the EFC that the truth won’t help.

You end up with Gill McLachlan being more concerned about selling “1,000,000 tickets” than what really happened during the EFC supplements program.

You end up with reports that “leave out the things that might compromise what we need”.

Worst of all, you end up with with mendicant clubs so dependent on the AFL that they are happy to sprout AFL propaganda and sell one their fellow clubs down the river. Even the not-so-mendicant clubs do the same in the hope of currying favour or some privilege from the AFL.

No solution is offered in Animal Farm at the end…just the haunting realisation of all the other animals that they couldn’t distinguish the pigs from the humans. Orwell wrote the book because, although he was a believer in communism, he was aghast at Stalin & how he ruled via a brutal dictatorship reinforced by terror & propaganda.

But, as history shows repeatedly, totalitarian regimes eventually are over thrown, often collapsing under the weight of their own propaganda & the desolation they bring.

How will the likes of FIFA and the AFL be “overthrown” and the game returned to the clubs, players & fans?

I suspect it will take incredible courage from unique individuals who will fight the good fight so that eventually the truth wins out and the game returns to its owners.

Perhaps individuals with extraordinary courage, like James Hird. And others.

[Captain_Jack]

l freely admit that l have not been able to keep up with all the goings on in the FASADA Saga, nor kept up with the last 200 pages of that thread, for that l am remiss. However the following post has been recognized as being of great interest at this stage of proceedings.

THE ESSENDON 34: A NEW PERSPECTIVE

15 January 2016
Sports Law
Does the finding of guilt of the 34 Essendon players by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) mean that they are forever drug cheats?

Commentators seem to see only two ways for the players to go from here: they can either appeal the CAS’s findings to the Swiss Federal Tribunal or sue the Essendon Football Club for breach of the club’s duty of care to them. The commentators seem pessimistic about the likely outcome of the first option and the second option is fraught with difficulties, not the least of which is: even if the players are successful in obtaining judgments for their loss of earnings, reputation, etc, will Essendon be able to survive the financial onslaught?

But there may be a third way: apply to an Australian court to set aside the CAS’s decision.

Under normal circumstances, the decision of an arbitrator is regarded as res judicata (essentially, finally decided) and further appeal is precluded. In the Essendon 34 case, the CAS process and decision are regarded as international arbitration and are subject to the International Arbitration Act 1974. Article 34 of Schedule 2 of this Act (Model Law on International Commercial Arbitration) allows an application to be made to set aside the CAS’s decision in only limited situations. The important ones for our purposes are:

Article 34 (2) (a) (i): a party furnishes proof that the arbitration agreement is not valid under the law of Australia; or
Article 34 (2) (b) (ii): a court finds that the award is in conflict with the public policy of Australia.
It is arguable that:
the AFL’s arbitration agreement is not valid under the law of Australia and/or
the CAS’s decision is in conflict with the public policy of Australia
because either or both constitute:
a misuse of market power under section 46 of the Competition and Consumer Act 2010 (Cth) by the AFL in relation to the players; or
an unlawful restraint of trade by the AFL in relation to the players.
This could give the players a right to commence legal action against the AFL (as the party compelled to implement the CAS decisions).

Is there a misuse of market power by the AFL in relation to the players?

Section 46 (1) © of the Competition and Consumer Act 2010 prohibits a corporation that has a substantial degree of power in a market from taking advantage of that power for the purpose of deterring or preventing a person from engaging in competitive conduct in that or any other market.

It can be argued that the AFL is in breach of this section because:
it has a substantial degree of power in the relevant market
it has used that power to compel the players to enter into highly restrictive arbitration agreements
those arbitration agreements and the attendant consequences prevent those players from engaging in competitive conduct in the relevant market.
Therefore, the arbitration agreement binding the players is arguably not valid under Australian law and could be set aside pursuant to Article 34 (2) (a) (i).

Further, it is arguable that the CAS’s decision is also against the public policy of Australia and could be set aside pursuant to Article 34 (2) (b) (ii).

Does the arbitration agreement or the decision of CAS constitute an unlawful restraint of trade?

A further and alternative basis for setting aside the CAS’s decision may be by making the argument that the AFL’s arbitration agreement constitutes an unlawful restraint of trade in relation to the players and is therefore not valid under the law of Australia and/or the CAS’s decision is in conflict with the public policy of Australia.

In Australia, prima facie, all restraints of trade are unlawful as contrary to public policy and therefore void. This general rule has exceptions. Restraints of trade and interference with individual liberty of action may be justified by the special circumstances of a particular case. But in all cases, such restriction must be reasonable: that is, in reference both to the interests of the parties concerned and to the public interest. And the person seeking to rely upon the restraint must show that it is no more than reasonably necessary to protect its legitimate commercial interests.

It would seem that, in this case, the arbitration agreement amounts to a restraint of trade: it seeks to prevent AFL players from resolving their grievances through any channels other than the CAS which has, by its decision, stopped them from pursuing their livelihood. So then the question needs be asked: is it reasonable with respect to the interests of all the parties concerned and to the public interest?

The AFL, like the ISU (see below), has a degree of power as against the players and requiring them to submit to the WADA regime and the CAS without further recourse may well be an unlawful restraint of trade, being unreasonable in the circumstances. It is strongly arguable that, given the way the whole saga has played out, the finality of the CAS’s decision is neither in the players’ best interests nor in the public’s interest. It is arguable that the AFL and WADA might have difficulty in showing that the bans on the players are no more than is reasonably necessary to protect their legitimate commercial interests.

Overseas examples

For some time, a consensus of international sports law commentators has felt that there is a ‘structural imbalance’ in the CAS, in that the body administering it, the International Council of Arbitration for Sport (ICAS), is effectively controlled by, too closely aligned to and too heavily weighted in favour of sport’s governing bodies, leading to a tendency to unfairness to athletes by the CAS. Accordingly, these commentators have been calling for reforms to be made, particularly to the structure of the ICAS. And although some changes have been made, many commentators feel that these are not sufficient, and that the CAS is still biased against athletes.

There are two overseas examples supporting the suggestion that the recent decision by CAS might be appealed in an Australian court.

In 2009, Claudia Pechstein, a German police officer and speed skater, was found guilty of blood doping on the basis of changes in readings of samples taken over a period of time and noted in her Athlete Biological Passport; effectively, on circumstantial evidence (like the Essendon 34). The International Skating Union (ISU) banned her from all competitions for two years. She exhausted the appeals process at the CAS, who upheld the ban. She subsequently appealed this decision to the Swiss Federal Tribunal (on the basis that the CAS is a Swiss legal body) and was rejected twice. Her defence was that the abnormal blood values were caused by a disorder which she had inherited from her father, and she produced experts who testified to that effect.

For a number of reasons, including that her employment was put at risk by such findings, Pechstein sued the ISU in a German court, asking that the doping ban be overturned because of a breach of the applicable competition law and seeking compensation of €4.4 million in damages.

To the apparent dismay of the CAS, the Munich Higher Regional Court decided that her claim that her doping disqualification was unlawful could be tried within the German jurisdiction. It found that the ISU had a degree of market power, as against the athletes, and that requiring them to submit completely to the jurisdiction of the CAS without further recourse, whilst not necessarily coercion and therefore unenforceable per se, could amount to an abuse of that market power and be in breach of German competition law.

The court’s reasoning was that, notwithstanding changes in the 1990s whereby the administration of the CAS had become more independent of the IOC, it was not yet so independent that it was obvious that the structure of the CAS was not biased in favour of sport’s governing bodies and against athletes.

This decision appears to be fortified by an earlier decision of a German Court of Appeal (in SV Wilhelmshaven), where another CAS decision had been questioned for breaching relevant competition law and was not automatically thrown out by the German court. This was a case relating to an EU treaty regarding the free movement of workers within the European Union.

Interlocutory steps

The above course of action could also allow for an interlocutory injunction to be obtained by the players, to prevent implementation of the bans until final disposition of the action. They would need to show, amongst other things, that: (i) there is a serious question to be tried; (ii) damages alone are not a sufficient remedy; and (iii) the balance of convenience favours granting the injunction. Each of those things seems reasonably arguable. The first depends on the strength of the players’ case. The second is clear, given the immense financial and reputational damage each of the players and the game — and therefore the public — will suffer if the injunction is not granted. As to the balance of convenience, the cost and inconvenience of any interim injunction to the defendants (and it is not clear who they will be at this stage, but at least the AFL and possibly WADA, ASADA and possibly even the CAS) would appear as nothing compared with that of the players. The lower risk of injustice would clearly favour the players being granted an interim injunction.

There are real questions to be considered about the compatibility between the forced nature of the CAS arbitration on the one hand and the rights of the players to a fair decision on the other. Interested AFL players may wish to seek legal advice about exploring this proposed course of action.

If German courts are prepared to accord its athletes justice, why not Australian courts?

To discuss this with our team, please contact Allistar Twigg today.

The Essendon 34: a new perspective

[Captain_Jack]

Some fun now, from the Star Wars thread the ultimate spoiler, a plot synopsis worthy of Mad.

FADE IN:
OPENING TITLE CRAWL

The STAR WARS EXPANDED UNIVERSE has vanished. Thus, with a blank slate and endless possibilities to explore, we’re soft-rebooting A NEW HOPE and continuing to make everyone related to the SKYWALKER FAMILY.

EXT. TATOOINE JAKKU

MAX VON SYDOW hands OSCAR ISAAC a USB STICK shaped like CRAPPY LEGOS.

MAX VON SYDOW
This will begin to make things right.

OSCAR ISAAC
You mean because this device has the final piece of the map to find Mark Hamill,
who went into hiding and promised to stay in exactly the same spot for as many
years as it took for someone to put this map together?

MAX VON SYDOW
What? No, I mean this movie, it’ll set the entire franchise right. That’s
what happens when you oust the creative auteur who masterminded the entire
universe and replace him with a committee of marketers and business
executives whose primary motivation is financial rather than artistic, right?

OSCAR ISAAC
Hang on, Disney is having a meeting discussing which possible response
from me would rate most highly with all possible market demographics.
(pause)
OK, they’re done. “Yes, that is what happens. Also, remember Yoda?”

Suddenly, STORMTROOPERS attack! OSCAR ISAAC hides the map in his BB-8 droid and sends it literally anywhere. DARTH ADAM DRIVER arrives in his GIANT NAPKIN HOLDER, kills MAX VON SYDOW, then captures OSCAR ISAAC.

OSCAR ISAAC
So, who quips first? I quip first, you quip first? I know someone’s
quipping; anyone in the audience who isn’t busy laughing is going
to realize how derivative this story is in like two seconds.

DARTH DRIVER
I need that map! Stormtroopers, blow his ship up without checking if the
map’s on it first! Then kill these villagers, any of whom he may have
given the map to! And, finally, burn the entire village, including the
literal haystacks that could easily be storing the needle-sized map!

The STORMTROOPERS comply except for one, JOHN BOYEGA, who mostly stands around attracting WAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION.

INT. MOISTURE FARM FALLEN STAR DESTROYER - TATOOINE JAKKU

Meanwhile, BB-8 travels randomly around the planet surface with an apparently useless bent antenna, eventually running into …

DAISY RIDLEY
Nice to meet you, droid carrying sensitive data who’s been captured by
scavengers! I am Daisy Ridley, a plucky teenager with a mysterious family
history who dreams of a bigger destiny in the galaxy. Wow, the safeness of
this screenplay almost makes you appreciate the prequels, huh?

BB-8
Beep.

DAISY RIDLEY
Who am I? Well, luckily for you, I’m a person who speaks Beeping Droid! But
even more luckily, I’m a kind-hearted girl who actually cares about the
well-being of a droid, despite them being established as non-sentient slave
labor! But, even more luckily, I’m a fantastic mechanic, pilot, melee fighter,
and Force-sensitive future Jedi! And I’m probably related to one of the
handful of characters from the original trilogy!
(pause)
And you just ran into me at random! In a galaxy containing over 100,000 planets
and at least 100 quadrillion living beings!

BB-8
Boop?

DAISY RIDLEY
Yes, really! Also the Millennium Falcon is on this very planet just down the
road, with the keys in the ignition and the door unlocked!
(sighing)
Look, just go with it and hope the next one’s better.

DAISY RIDLEY travels to NIIMA OUTPOST with 20 tons of scrap loaded on ONE SIDE of her landspeeder and delivers it to an alien scrap dealer who strangely ISN’T A RACIST STEREOTYPE!

ALIEN SIMON PEGG
This is worth one-quarter portion of dehydrated food. That’s right, we deal
entirely with food that needs water added on this desert planet.
(notices BB-8)
Hey, I’ll give you 60 portions for that adorable droid unit you’ve got.
It looks like something my kid would enjoy playing with for about 20
minutes on Life Day morning, so that’s easily worth $149.99 worth of portions.

DAISY RIDLEY
Extremely Simplistic Screenplay Structure dictates that I must have a
“save the cat” moment, so no for some reason.

BB-8
(literally purrs)

INT. IMPERIAL FIRST ORDER STAR DESTROYER

DARTH DRIVER confronts CAPTAIN GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE.

DARTH DRIVER
I somehow know exactly which anonymous Stormtrooper didn’t murder
villagers when I said – have him killed immediately.

CAPTAIN GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE
He’s no good to me dead.

DARTH DRIVER
Fine, then I want him re-brainwashed and all of his lines dubbed over
by Temuera Morrison.

CAPTAIN GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE
As you wish.

GENERAL DOMHNALL GLEESON
I knew we should have gone with a clone army! All right, that’s our only
reference to the prequels; everyone can relax their sphincter muscles.

DARTH DRIVER
I will locate the map by using my Sith Mind-Reading-Ability on Oscar Isaac,
which joins Sith Blaster-Bolt-Freezing, Sith Lightsaber-Crossguard-Construction,
and Sith Temper-Tantrums as newly canonical superpowers that must be
immediately incorporated into video games, comic books, and novels.

Suddenly OSCAR ISAAC is rescued by JOHN BOYEGA!

JOHN BOYEGA
Oscar, I’m a Stormtrooper! We’re all abducted and brainwashed from childhood
to comply with orders, but when I watched one of my fellow Stormtroopers die
right in front of me, it woke me up to the horrors of death and violence,
so I’ve defected. Can you fly a TIE Fighter?

OSCAR ISAAC
I can fly anything; it’s my special unique skill that half the galaxy seems to
possess! But if we’re going to escape, you’ll probably have to shoot a few Stormtroop-

JOHN BOYEGA
■■■■ IT, KILL 'EM ALL AND LET THE FORCE SORT 'EM OUT!

JOHN and OSCAR steal a TIE FIGHTER and ESCAPE back to JAKKU.

EXT. TATOOINE JAKKU

JOHN wakes up in the DESERT. He goes to the wrecked fighter but finds only OSCAR’S JACKET before the ship falls into a SINKHOLE, which must then of course BELCH, because STAR WARS.

JOHN BOYEGA
Damn, stranded in a completely random location on the surface of this desert
wasteland. Assuming this planet is about the size of the smallest planet in
Earth’s solar system, I’m dealing with a surface area of about 74 million
square kilometers, so on foot I should be able to find an outpost in
approximately OH LOOK THE ONE OUTPOST WHERE EVERYONE IS!

He walks a few miles to the outpost in less time than it takes ships capable of lightspeed to fly there. He is spotted by DAISY and BB-8!

DAISY RIDLEY
Hey, my droid recognizes your jacket, so we’re all friends now. Want to come on
a galactic adventure to defeat the weakened remnants of the Empire that was
already defeated in a movie that should have just closed out this franchise
and left well enough alone?

JOHN BOYEGA
Actually, I’m a spineless coward who just wants to stick his head in the
sand while space Nazis take over the galaxy, so no. But I guess I think
you’re pretty, so yes.

Suddenly TIE FIGHTERS attack! DAISY, JOHN, and BB-8 escape in a little junker of a Corellian freighter called … THE MILLENNIUM FALCON. HOLY ■■■■ IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING.

INT. THE MILLENNIUM ■■■■■■■ FALCON

DAISY RIDLEY
We got away! Wow, look at this ship, it’s got gun turrets, a secret trap door,
Luke’s targeting droid, and even claymation chess!

JOHN BOYEGA
Yeah, the only thing that could make this a more transparent attempt to
manipulate the audience via nostalgia would be if Harrison Ford were on board,
but how would we ever justify running into-

HARRISON FORD and CHEWBACCA board the ship ■■■ ■■■ ■■■ STAR WARS IS BACK EVERYONE WHO CARES WHY!

WE LOVE YOU, DAD SOLO!

HARRISON FORD
Chewie … we’re home. Good thing I installed “Find My iPhone in Space” or
whatever otherwise this would be one insane coincidence too far, eh?

DAISY RIDLEY
It’s an honor to meet you! This droid has an extremely detailed map to find
Luke Skywalker, and we need your help. To, uh, read it, or something?

HARRISON FORD
All right, but first let’s have a totally gratuitous side encounter with octopus
creatures that inexplicably neither film editor was willing to cut.

They DO.

EXT. MOS EISLEY CANTINA LUPITA NYONG’O’S CASTLE

HARRISON AND THE GANG go visit LUPITA NYONG’O, a yellow alien whose name is literally almost MOS CANTINA.

CGI LUPITA NYONG’O
You must join the fight to restore balance to The Force! The Force, by the way,
is an energy field that surrounds and penetrates all living things, THE END.
Note the lack of microbes in my description.

JOHN BOYEGA
Daisy, I confess I’m not really a hero, but I want you to run away with me
despite having only known you for … two hours? If that?
(leaves)

DAISY RIDLEY
No, don’t leave! Please stay; it’s vitally important that- hey what’s in this box?
(views teaser trailer for Episode VIII)
Aaaaaieee!
(leaves)

HARRISON FORD
Wow, both our new heroes just totally bailed. I’ve got a bad feeling about this …
(pause)
… movie taking a hard right turn away from the whole “map to Luke” storyline
and into unapologetic original trilogy retread territory.

EXT. DEATH STAR STARKILLER BASE

GENERAL GLEESON and DARTH DRIVER meet with enormous GOLLUM CREATURE ANDY SERKIS.

GENERAL DOMHNALL GLEESON
Bwah ha, our ultimate superweapon is finally ready, and it’s yet another
Death Star! I know, I can’t ■■■■■■■ believe it either, this is the
best Lawrence Kasdan could do!

DARTH DRIVER
What, how? Aren’t we just sort of surviving on the carcass of the old Empire?
We’re even flying around in their ships! How the ■■■■ did we manage to turn an
entire planet into an enormous sun-eating eyeball gun?
With what resources? And whose money?

SUPREME LEADER ANDY SERKIS
Uh, mine, I suppose? And in this movie’s most intriguing piece of originality,
I’m a 20-foot-tall giant monster – PSYCH! – this is a hologram
and I’m probably four feet tall.

The PLANET shoots an ENERGY BEAM that travels through hyperspace and blows up A BUNCH OF PLANETS, so that’s way higher stakes than those other wimpy movies that blew up only ONE PLANET at a time!

SUPREME LEADER ANDY SERKIS
Driver, we got like 40 text messages that the droid with the map was
spotted with your father … HARRISON FORD!
(pause)
Of course, this information is basically useless, since the map isn’t really
in the droid as much as it’s on the small, portable device located in the
droid’s storage bay. As such, nobody would be stupid enough to leave it there
and carry the droid from place to place across the galaxy, especially
once they are aware that we’re looking for it.

Miraculously, THEY ARE!

EXT. MOS EISLEY CANTINA LUPITA NYONG'O'S CASTLE

JOHN, HARRISON, LUPITA, and A FUCKTON OF ALIEN CHARACTERS EACH SOLD SEPARATELY all watch as planets light years away explode visibly in the daytime sky.

JOHN BOYEGA
Gah, the enemy I was too scared to fight is even stronger than we thought,
so I’m back to fight!

HARRISON FORD
Is that Coruscant blowing up or what? The New Republic? And that’s different
from the Resistance, right? And the thing we’re Resisting is called New Order?
First Order? So the prequels spent too much time focusing on the political
landscape and now we’re going to overcorrect by skipping it entirely?

CGI LUPITA NYONG’O
Yes, and it looks like the entire galaxy was alerted the instant you
stepped foot in my hidden fortress refuge making it worth ■■■■-all!
John, you must take Luke Skywalker’s old lightsaber; please try not
to accidentally cut all of your limbs off within seconds the way
that an untrained regular person obviously would.

FIRST ORDER TIE FIGHTERS arrive and SHOOT THINGS! So RESISTANCE X-WINGS arrive and SHOOT BACK! No new kinds of spaceships have been invented in the last three decades, so your childhood has been PRESERVED!

OSCAR ISAAC
(flying in)
Not so fast, First Order douchebags! The Resistance is going to save the day!
Also, I’m alive because-

The X-WINGS destroy all the TIE FIGHTERS and TROOPERS! Meanwhile, DARTH DRIVER captures DAISY RIDLEY and takes her aboard his ship. CARRIE FISHER’S SHIP lands, and she sees HARRISON for the first time in years.

CARRIE FISHER
So, our son runs off to join the Serkis, becomes an evil murdering ■■■■■■■, and
your solution was to go capture Hentai tentacle monsters?

HARRISON FORD
This from the person whose immediate reaction to seeing her entire Republic
blown up was to give me ■■■■ about my jacket?

INT. REBEL RESISTANCE BASE - YAVIN 4 D’QAR

Our heroes arrive at the BASE to find R2-D2 in PERMANENT SULKY POUT MODE as well as FAT C-3P0 and ADMIRAL ACKBAR and a bunch of J.J. ABRAMS’ TV BUDDIES.

KEN LEUNG
Our spy planes have provided this schematic of the Death Planet. It’s 100
times larger than the Death Star, but on the flip side, it’s 100 times
easier to randomly cross paths with whoever you happen to be looking for.

GREG GRUNBERG
Also, the First Order has tracked the spy planes back to our location,
because we suck at spying. So we’re the next target.

JOHN BOYEGA
The Death Planet absorbs power from its sun. Even though its last shot didn’t
use up the sun, this one will apparently, which means its usefulness as
a weapon will be zilch after today, I guess?

HARRISON FORD
We need a plan. I vote we do Return Of The Jedi again; who’s with me?

CARRIE FISHER
Done! May mass and acceleration multiply themselves in your presence.
(pause)
Was that right? It’s been a while.

INT. DEATH STAR STARKILLER BASE

As the DEATH PLANET begins sucking the energy of an ENTIRE ■■■■■■■ STAR into a MASON JAR, DARTH DRIVER prepares to interrogate DAISY.

DARTH DRIVER
Now that everyone knows my identity, time for the dramatic visual reveal! I am …
(removes helmet)
… FACE-SQUISHED ANDY SAMBERG just kidding it’s me, Adam Driver from Girls!
(smirks)
Now to extract the map from your brain! Surely your memories of an extremely
complex galactic map that you saw for five seconds, extracted via whatever
the ■■■■ this is, will be as detailed and specific as the actual map!

They MAKE SCRUNCHY POOP FACES at each other awhile until …

DAISY RIDLEY
A-ha, now I’m in YOUR head! You’re afraid you’ll never be as iconic a
character as Darth Vader. That no matter how many crazy Force powers you
incorporate, you’ll always be seen as a pale imitation of
something far greater! Subtle, J.J.

ADAM DRIVER
Hey, I’m just as good as Vader! I’ve got his whiny approval-seeking
uselessness and overwrought sulky angst and- aw ■■■■,
I’ve been doing the wrong trilogy!
(leaves in a huff)

DAISY RIDLEY
Wow, so I have Force power too! Hmm. Guard! Release me and give me your gun!
(pause)
But don’t give me your armor. Or security codes. Or directions out of here.
Or a Bond movie as good as Casino Royale.

DANIEL CRAIGTROOPER
Yes ma’am.

The DEATH PLANET continues charging its big gun just as the FALCON crash lands at LIGHTSPEED, NONSENSICALLY!

JOHN BOYEGA
Look, I don’t actually care if we fail to drop the base’s shields as long
as I’m with Daisy while watching the First Order kill the galaxy. But
I bet if we capture Captain Gwendoline Christie, she can drop the shields.

HARRISON FORD
But she’s a Stormtrooper captain and super formidable. Besides, we
don’t even know where she is and-

CHEWBACCA
(sticks out arm)
(clotheslines Gwendoline)

They make GWENDOLINE drop the SHIELDS. While JOHN, HARRISON, and CHEWBACCA are all distracted, she stands up dramatically as if to reveal that she actually thwarted their plans, but she DIDN’T.

HARRISON FORD
Let’s stuff her into a trash compactor to be brutally crushed.
You know, like good guys do.

JOHN BOYEGA
Great, then we’ll rescue Daisy and Harrison can confront Darth Driver.

CAPTAIN GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE
What if he doesn’t survive? He’s worth a lot to me.
(vanishes from movie)
(is made into more toys than the main characters)

JOHN BOYEGA
Hey, Daisy is on the side of a wall way over there! Let’s teleport
over that giant chasm and meet her.

They all travel together to the MAIN REACTOR OR WHATEVER-THE-HELL and confront ADAM DRIVER.

ADAM DRIVER
At last we meet again, father. On an extremely dangerous catwalk over a
bottomless pit. Somehow we had the cash for a laser planet but a couple
railings was just asking too much.

HARRISON FORD
It’s not too late. Come home, BEN. That’s right, you’re named after the
one character from the original trilogy that I had absolutely no
relationship with whatsoever and was kind of a rude ■■■■ to.

ADAM DRIVER
OK! Together we can tour at least two more full press junkets as father and son!

HARRISON FORD
Oh crap, you’re right.
(dies)

HARRISON just sort of slumps over and goofily ragdolls into the pit in a manner truly befitting of an ICONIC STAR WARS HERO.

EXT. HOTH STARKILLER BASE SNOW-COVERED FOREST

DAISY and JOHN run off but are confronted by ADAM!

ADAM DRIVER
Not so fast! Though I can likely just Force-choke the both of you, I just
realized that this movie is about to be over without a single lightsaber
duel. Pzzzrrrrhhww vrwommm vrwom krsshh!

JOHN BOYEGA
Now’s my chance to display my badass lightsaber fighting skills as implied
by the poster, trailer, toys, and every shred of media coverage!

ADAM effortlessly puts JOHN into a COMA and summons his fallen lightsaber, but instead it flies dramatically into the hand of-

DAISY RIDLEY
A-ha, yes it’s me! Did you think it’d be Mark Hamill? Come on, admit you
thought about it for a second. See, you’d write a ■■■■■■ one too.

She and ADAM DUEL! ADAM forces her to the edge of a CLIFF!

ADAM DRIVER
You need a teacher, all evidence to the contrary! Join me and
I will train you in The Force.

DAISY RIDLEY
Huh? Oh yeah, The Force!
(closes eyes)

ADAM DRIVER
Don’t worry, I’ll hold totally still and do nothing while you have your
big moment. Just let me know when you’re ready.

Finally, the SURPRISINGLY FORGETTABLE MUSIC swells and DAISY OUT-FORCES ADAM and DEFEATS HIM. CHEWIE shows up in the FALCON, and they all ESCAPE right before the PLANET STOPS WORKING, which must then of course EXPLODE, because STAR WARS.

EXT. REBEL RESISTANCE BASE - YAVIN 4 D’QAR

CARRIE FISHER
I’m bummed Harrison came up with the idea of being killed off before I did.
But, on the bright side, R2-D2 woke up, and now between him and BB-8,
we have the complete map to the next movie!

DAISY RIDLEY
Guess I’ll take the Falcon and go get Luke, then – nobody minds if I claim
the ship for myself, right? Nobody else ever had dreams of being the main pilot?

CHEWBACCA
(dies a little inside)

CARRIE FISHER
Yeah, you go on ahead; I’ll just hang out back here despite the opening crawl
specifically stating that I’m “desperate to find Luke.”

DAISY follows the MAP to IRELAND and finds … MARK HAMILL!

MARK HAMILL
Oh goody, the Falcon! Is Harrison here? Is it time for our big emotional reunion,
which the fans have been looking forward to ever since this movie was announced?

DAISY RIDLEY
Ermm … hey, look, I bet you’ll be happy to see this … it’s your old lightsaber!

MARK HAMILL
Oh cool, yeah, my father used that to murder like 100 children.

DAISY RIDLEY
Wait, what?

END

[Captain_Jack]

Another long post, this time from the FASADA SAGA thread, where our own Lifetime Ban dismantles Chris Kaias arguments in support of the CAS sham findings. Worthe reading all the way to the end. #standbythe34.

I apologise in advance for the length of this post. This is my dissection of Chris Kaias' piece.

In point one he states that CAS refer to the Montogomery decision “Accepting that a positive test isn’t required, and indeed wasn’t even possible here, WADA still had no ‘direct’ evidence (ie confessions, whistleblower testimony, etc). But there’s no reason that this should be required. On this point, the CAS Panel referred to USADA v Tim Montgomery, and explained that doping offences can be proved by a variety of means (CAS Decision [102])” What he fails to mention is that CAS state this “The Panel’s decision, adverse to him, was reached on the basis of one only - the admission made by Mr. Montgomery to another athlete that he had taken a prohibited substance, although the panel expressly said that this omission to consider the other six types “is not to be taken as an indication that such other evidence could not demonstrate that the respondent is guilty of doping””.
Notice that even though they had six other strands available to them, it was only the admission they used ultimately. Why? Because even thought they state that the other strands could show doping, without that admission they obviously had no faith that the other strands could support the prosecutions case otherwise they would have included them in the conviction.

For point two, he references the substance being compounded by Alavi and taken by his assistant to Bio21 to be tetsted. CAS state that, based on the testimony of Dr. Cox, this substance is TB-4. If I remember correctly, and I’m sure someone here will correct me if I’m wrong, wasn’t this the batch that the club was invoiced for and for which Alavi had to withdraw his claim? If so, how did they reach the conclusion that it was in the possession of Dank?
They use the “proof” that Dank was in constant communication with Alavi as evidence of wrongdoing. But they fail to establish that the substance actually got to Dank, because that apparently doesn’t matter. Heaven help any player who might have purchased anything at all from Alavi’s pharmacy on that basis, because Alavi had handled TB-4 therefore all of his customers used TB-4. And my argument on Alavi is just as specious as WADA’s claims about Dank.

At point three he argues the validity of unsworn testimony, or hearsay. He criticises the AFL tribunal for disregarding all unsworn testimony from Dank, Alavi and Charters, then praises CAS decision to accept any statements they might make that are not evidently self serving, while ignoring statements that benefit themselves. This is CAS applying the “Take bits out that might compromise what we need” philosophy of the AFL. If you accept they are telling the truth on one hand, why are you discounting what they say on the other. Unsworn testimony should be treated like the rubbish it is. Add to this the fact that both Charters and Alavi had stated they would not sign because the wording had been changed, and the whole piece of evidence needs to be treated with contempt, as does the CAS use of that evidence.

Point 4 I won’t bother with. The argument regarding consent forms, Doping Control Forms and seeing Thymosin labels has all been put out there for public consumption before.

With point five, while he makes well reasoned arguments,they are all predicated on TB-4 being at the club, which has never actually been established. Consent forms would indicate a desire to be open and honest regarding substances used, rather than the CAS interpretation of intent to dope. The parts surrounding non-disclosure on the DCF’s has been well covered in regards to voluntary rather than compulsory. The other missing ingredient is what was the standard throughout the league, did the players differ significantly in what they declared compared to players from other teams or indeed from other codes like NRL and ARU. We have argued the lack of records ad infinitum, and the culpability of those administering the program has been recognised. That does not however discount the fact that no records of a substance being used might be because in fact, that substance wasn’t used! This is a concept that so many struggle to come to terms with. W/C: Why don’t you have records for TB-4 use? E34: We didn’t use TB-4! W/C: Not good enough you need records of things you didn’t use!

In point seven he addresses the Federal Court appeal, and states that CAS was right for concluding that the players were parties to the proceedings because the appeal was for their benefit. This “logic” is flawed beyond belief. The players refused to participate in the appeal at all, but somehow, because someone else submitted an appeal that they had no control over, it is their fault, therefore they delayed the process. Chris’s reasoning seems to fail him here. An employee has no control over his employer taking court action, even if it is on his behalf. To reason otherwise puts the cart before the horse. I’m sure the Hon. Mr. Beloff would always allow the wishes of his staff override the needs and responsibilities of his practice… not! Essendon could have dismissed all 34 players and still appealed.

In point eight he rehashes the CAS reasoning for not finding no significant fault. I have addressed this elsewhere so won’t continue here.

Point 10. "This is a point that has been raised by Western Bulldogs President Peter Gordon. He claims that, of the six judges who considered the matter (combining the AFL Tribunal and the CAS Panel), four decided that the players should not be banned.

This statement is misleading at best and, potentially, plainly wrong. For one thing, the extent of the dissent by the third member of the CAS Panel is not entirely clear. " (LB’s emphasis)

151. For the above reasons:

(i) the <i class="Italic">majority of the Panel</i> is comfortably satisfied that all players violated Clause 11.2 of the 2010 AFL Anti-Doping Code and were significantly at fault in so doing; and

(ii) one member of the Panel agrees with that conclusion save in the case of several players in respect of whom <i class="Italic">he is not comfortably satisfied</i> that such use is made out. (emphasis added)" <i class="Italic">(LB's emphasis)</i>

There is nothing ambiguous about this statement, the finding was a majority decision, not a unanimous decision. Regardless of whether the third panelist believed that a majority, or only one player doped, he was obviously not satisfied that all players doped and was therefore unwilling to find that they had all doped. It did not reach a level of comfortable satisfaction for one panelist. On that basis, it is a FACT that only 2 out of the six men who have tried this case, were comfortably satisfied that all 34 players had doped. To argue otherwise is to play with semantics. he then uses tweets from Renee Anne Shirley to support his argument, the same Renee Anne Shirley who made the following tweets

Renee Anne Shirley (RAnneShirley)

Renee Anne Shirley (RAnneShirley)

Renee Anne Shirley (RAnneShirley)

Renee Anne Shirley (RAnneShirley)

Renee Anne Shirley (RAnneShirley)

Renee Anne Shirley (RAnneShirley)

Renee Anne Shirley (RAnneShirley)

Renee Anne Shirley (RAnneShirley)

On point 11 Chris Kaias uses the fact that a reporter changed his story the day after he wrote something (which requires getting the thought, putting it down on paper or pc, proof reading it, sending it to an editor and getting it printed), to justify his argument about lack of injections, but supports WADA’s case that Dank meant TB-4 when talking to McKenzie (says TB-4 once if transcript in paper is correct, after being asked a leading question about TB-4), even though he corrected himself the next day as soon as he had seen the substance in written form.

In point 12, Chris addresses the Sandor Earl issue. This is to paraphrase Dank, the cornerstone of CAS’ decision. It is Sandor Earl that CAS predicate Dank being known to use TB-4 on. That Earl and TB-4 are never mentioned in the same txt message, and that as Bruce Francis has stated, Dank told him it was in relation to a different patient undergoing reconstructive surgery on both his shoulders, would indicate that this is a stretch. This decision is also under appeal, so to use it as the primary basis for concluding that Dank has used TB-4 on other athletes, therefore he used it on the EFC34, is much like I stated earlier, putting the horse before the cart. This assumption is what CAS used to justify players having to prove they weren’t doped.

In point 13 he addresses the blood tests that were ordered for IGF-1 and states that these tests are “recommended before undergoing a peptide regime”. Unfortunately this test can also be used for non sinister functions such as determining if a patient is at risk of diabetes. See the link.

https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=167&ContentID=insulin_like_growth_factor

where it states
"Levels of IGF-1 that are higher or lower than normal may also be caused by:

Hypothyroidism, or low thyroid hormone levels

Liver disease

Uncontrolled diabetes mellitus".

The fact that the CAS panel then in their findings of the strands state in para 120(iii)
"All players had blood tests before the administration of the injections commenced, an exercise recommended for peptides like TB-4, and for which no purpose other than a “sinister” one (the epithet of Dr. de Morton, a former club doctor) could be identified. " I’m sorry CAS for my non legal, uninformed interpretation of you decision, but I think the possibility of Dank looking to see if players may have had a condition like diabetes that could impact on both their health and their performance is hardly sinister. And that was after a 30 second Google search. Could they also reference any articles or papers that recommend conducting an IGF-1 test prior to commencing a peptide (specifically TB-4) regime because I had trouble locating any such information.

Point 14 goes to questions of law that I am not qualified to answer, but Peter Gordon is a fairly decent lawyer, with plenty of experience so I bow to his greater knowledge of this particular aspect.

As far as point 15 goes, should the AFL walk away from WADA, this is a matter that will always be a personal opinion. I would support the FAL turning its back on WADA, because I believe the system is broken and now punishes those with no intent. Someone who takes a sip of off the shelf sport drink on the day of competition and is rubbed out for two years, when he would be fine to consume the same product the next day, while an entire athletics federation has been know to be doping for years by the organisation meant to enforce the code, tells me that the system does not work and is far too open to corruption. I refer again to Renee Anne Shirley former Executive Director of the Jamaican Anti-Doping Commission and whistleblower on doping.

Renee Anne Shirley (RAnneShirley)

Sorry again for the length of this post, but I felt it needed to be said.

[Captain_Jack]

A wry comment on a memorable devut for the Blooos, which was good by any measure, but not as good as the terrible common potators were making out. From the Review thread V Fark Carlton.

Best debut in the history of any sporting team in history.

Don’t undersell it Rocky… probably in the history of both known and unknown galaxies also.

I heard Carlton are selling a commemorative Jumper and DVD to celebrate this once in a lifetime debut.

Contender for post of the year.

First of many such contenders. Should this be a poll?

[Captain_Jack]

From the #43 - Anthony “Walla” McDonald-“Tippa”-Tipungwuti thread in the Hangar, a post that sums up what this player is all about. Bookmark this one for future reference, say another 10 years.

It's seriously so damn good to be watching him playing AFL so well. I'd legit given up on him ever getting a gig as soon as we drafted Eades. I'm sure Ben's in the same boat, but it's kinda strange, it feels like I've been watching him for an entire career already, but he's really only just begun.

He’s always been one of my favourites. I watched this little fat bloke play under Heppell in the 2010 Gippy Power’s incredible finals run, which could be the most amazing and inspirational streak of games I’ve ever seen and it sucks that there’s so few other people who remember it for me to reminisce with, and I saw him add spark and creativity to a side that sometimes lacked it, even if he only got 13 touches a game. I was so glad when he got another go as an overager for Gippy the next year, and he alternated between kicking 3 a game in the forward line and running off half back taking multiple bounces in the slush and howling gales at Oakleigh or wherever, and you could just see the talent but it was trapped in a body that could only play 50% game time before running out of puff. And I read the stuff Emma Q wrote about him and realised he moved to Gippsland without even speaking English, and it just blew my mind about how hard he’d worked for his chance.

I argued for years with people on here and bf that yeah sure he was short (but he was talented enough that it didn’t matter) and fat (but he was incredibly dedicated to footy and would blossom in a professional environment). I was so damn rapt when EFC gave him a VFL gig, by that point I’d have been hapopy for him to get a game anywhere, but to see hima bomber was just awesome. Then I saw him do some amazing things at VFL level and I had hopes going into the 2014 season he’d be drafted, but he got clotheslined by Ben ■■■■■■ Hudson and missed most of the year, and I thought his chance had nearly gone. He got his chance last preseason when playing as a top-up, but didn’t really show what he was capable of. I’d given up hope on him last year, he played some good footy and had some unbelievable highlights but I figured the club had basically put him in the ‘good VFL player’ basket, especially when we drafted Eades ahead of him last year. When we finally picked him, I didn’t really believe it. and to see him playing so well now, it’s incredible. A bloke dealing with the sort of culture shock he did coming down from Tiwi - I’m not sure any other club could have done it. Hawthorn tried and failed with Frank. Everyone knows about Melbourne and Jurrah. Richmond has tried many, many times and only left a trail of alienated kids and shattered dreams in their wake. And we did it in the worst possible circumstances. Makes you pretty proud of the club, and incredible proud of the kid himself. And I have to keep reminding myself this is only the beginning.

I’ve been draftwatching for quite a few years now. You get your favourites, and it’s awesome when they go well but sucks when they end up at another club. And there’s the blokes who everyone knows are going to go early and be guns (Heppell), but the ones that really get stuck in your head are the blokes who go later, the guys who have everything against them. They’re just better stories. But they don’t always have happy endings. Poor ■■■■■■ Michael Mascoulis was a favourite of mine, got rookied by WCE and then killed in a car crash. Alex Johnson, who’s done knee after knee (but has a flag to go with it, so probably can’t complain), and Alex Woodward, who’s done knee after knee WITHOUT any flags. Tippa’s always been right up there on my list of favourites. To see him take the long road to the AFL, to see him play for the bombers, and to see him play so well in such cruddy circumstances - it’s pretty damn special and pretty damn personal.

May this be only the beginning.

That’s the best thing I’ve ever read

[Captain_Jack]

… but wait there is more, from the same thread.

Sort of following on from HM's post, actually think about this from his perspective. It's actually the most sensational story of just showing what anyone can do, anywhere in any field if you're just prepared to sacrifice and work REALLY. REALLY. REALLY. hard. Picture what this bloke is probably thinking this evening after the game having a meal and sitting on his couch or watching the replay or doing whatever he's doing. "I just played in front of 50,000 screaming fans and won one of the most meaningful wins I've ever played in" (probably). 5 years ago he was in the bush in the middle of fkn NOWHERE on some island most people hadn't heard of, playing footy because he loved it and couldn't even speak English FFS. He decides to pack up, move to the coldest mthfkg place in the world by comparison, learn this new language, culture shock, playing in front of small Aberfeldie crowds which is probably weird for him, then cold blustery days in front of 500 in the VFL, and ends up doing this. And best of all it wasn't an anticlimactic finish to ending up on the senior list. He plays round one, is a shining light in Rd 1 and crucial in Rd 2. I don't know what it was like back home but all of a sudden he's got Twitter (@Tipungwuti fkg best Twitter handle of all time) and would be getting tweets up the fkn wazoo. HM was spot on with how good it's been for us to watch him, I just can't fathom what would actually be going through his mind right about now. Go look at his fkg tweets in 2012 when he didn't get drafted "Dreams don't come true :( " and look what he fkg did, he worked even harder and got here. I hope he wins a flag.

The guy is a champion.

Rant over.

[Captain_Jack]

It is great to get back to talking about the football and recording some of the better commentary from last week’s win and what it means for this mighty club, we all love. l will go on record here and now and say that the march and the win not only were our line in the sand moment, but marked the turning point. We are on the way back to being a force in this league once more, one to be feared and respected. It will still take us a while, but the two events of last weekend prove that we took a giant step forward, in full view of the competition, when it was least expected, when others were gleefully predicting we would fall on our collective faces, and face years of more pain. Well there will be pain, because nothing worthwhile was ever won without suffering and effort, but there will also be more glory.

Two posts now from the Darcy Parish thread in The Hangar.

Its just a brilliant thing to be able to enjoy an aspect of footy for what it is rather than having all of it tied to a notion of grinding defiance.

I dont care if opposition fans or the media try to stifle our “clear air”. They’re irrelevant now. Speaking personally, all that matters is that the club personnel feel it and that I -as a lifelong supporter - can feel and breathe it in. And i can say right now that i can. That video suggests some excellent camaraderie and spirit in the group too.

This young fella is a big part of it. But not he alone. Langford is a young colt, Laverde a beast. Tippa is a story that should be front and centre. Fanta and Glees are running. Bags has gone from vfl dour defender to vice captain and tough as nails. Zerrett is a machine, his brother may be sprouting. Francis looks like a footballer par excellence. He’s good and he knows it. Longy and Hams have their names engraved on the Vfl “best” list. Both are really good stories (albeit tinged with tragedy for one) in their own way

I always default to optimistic re Essendon and its talent. Its just me, i prefer it that way. (Whether it pans out as hoped is another matter, lol). So i’m sure as hell going to sieze on the optimism i can sense now. I suspect it helps the “12” too.

The kids are playing unhindered, the club feels lighter and unburdened. As do I after years of defending the club, reading everything in the Saga thread, having to avoid media arseholes, whatever.

We keep fighting on the Asada side of things, yes. But dont get trapped only in bitter repercussions and recriminations. Store it in the memory banks for another time and determination. A sense of Retribution can come when the 12 return, if that’s the emotion you need.

Instead, in the meantime, There’s some old school footy optimism abounding that is worthy of our attention. You can feel it, its emerging. I recommend basking in it, Dont short change yourself and miss out. This could be a special year to simply follow Essendon the football team again, however many wins we notch up. Time to enjoy footy again. We all deserve it. Hell, this is the first time in years Ive felt motivated to take up the metaphorical pen and write a longish post on something related to footy. That right there is telling me something. The winds, they are on the change.

Well done Darce on a fantastic opening. Welcome to the best football club on the planet. And thanks for your small part so far. It has been disproportionately important.

Well written. I mostly agree.
Trouble is many on here turn negative if we are not winning games.

and here is some more comment from the same thread…

I really liked Sals sentiments. Its close to the way I feel about it.

Our players have to deal with every lost contest on game day, every replay of what they did and how they can improve. We can be
observers, we can be passionate , but why be destructive, why have expectations beyond what our boys are capable of at this point. Surely all we ask is for them to try their hardest. Note what Darcy said about Matty Dea. “courageous player” . thats what even the best players admire in their teammates and thats why a gutsy lock down defender becomes a club vice captain .

Its absolutely clear that not only do each one of our players compete against the other teams players , but they have to cement their spot against others as it always has been. And yet , as the Darcy Parish video shows, the team has a good laugh and a fantastic rapport and all seem to be having fun.

This is so different to when we were under siege, when every week was yet another test of unity, when the mass exodus was imminent.

In 2016 clear air is like Mebournes “cool change” it brings clarity, it brings a new environment, and now it brings a spirit of belief that yes, we can win and footy can be fun.

[Captain_Jack]

Drawing critical acclaim from the Hooker: Here or There? thread in the Hangar.

Hooker will either go to another club or re-sign with Essendon.

Just stretch this to 500 words and you’ll get tomorrow’s back page.

HERALD SUN/THE AGE
April 15th 2016

ESSENDON’S CALE HOOKER TO GO OR STAY
by Rocky IV

Drugs in sport. We now associate the term with the Essendon Football Club after the sorry saga involving the club that seems to have overtaken the AFL season for as long as we can remember. One of the casualties of the saga is their All-Australian centre half back Kale Hooker, who it is believed to be deciding his future on whether to remain at the club or continue his career elsewhere.

A source close to the situation recently said Chale is definitely weighing up his future and is expected to choose between remaining loyal to Essendon, who have had their reputation damaged by the sorry saga that has lasted for as long as we can remember in AFL circles, or whether to look for an opportunity at another club where there is no history of drugs or any off field issues, like Collingwood, Hawthorn or even heading back to West Coast.

[image] James Hird leaves his mansion during the drugs sages, that has taken its toll on the club[/image]

There is a largely held belief that the suspended 12 Essendon players, their suspensions being due to the experimental drugs program that has engulfed all things AFL for seemingly an eternity, will want to once again play together once their drug imposed suspensions are served. However one insider has revealed it may not be as clear cut as that.

“He’s definitely weighing up his future” said the insider, who is close to the situation, “He’s going to choose to either remain loyal to Essendon, but they’ve had their reputation damaged by the sorry saga that has lasted for as long as we can remember or he’s going to look for an opportunity at another club where there is no history of drugs or any off field issues, like Collingwood, Hawthorn or even heading back to West Coast” he continued.

[image]Syringe[/image]

Cale is said to be hurt by the ongoing toll the ongoing drugs saga and while open to leaving Essendon for a big money contract, he is also open to staying at Essendon, the club that has been marred in the past four years by a series of drug related issues, for a big money contract. If he decides to leave, there is a thought he could continue with another club in the AFL possible Hawthorn, West Coast or one of the other clubs in the competition.

One thing is for sure, Khale Hooker is going to be playing AFL in the future for either the club he currently plays for, albeit not at the moment because of the suspension stemming from the ill-advised and poorly monitored drugs program that he was a part of, or for another club. Time will tell which one it is.

And where will he play in future? Perhaps only Cail knows the answer to that one.

Hire this man!

I actually thought I was reading the actual piece from these ■■■■ papers.

[Captain_Jack]

Two great posts from the same poster in the “Grand” final live thread, from the Non Essendon Stuff board.

The Bulldogs had no right to win today, let make the finals this year or last.

Given their history, given where they were just 2 years ago, having had their captain request a trade to GWS, sacking their coach as a consequence, making a ridiculous deal to secure an unproven forward and hamstringing their player payments for a 6M contract over 7 years, sacking their CEO for the chaos they were in, sacking another this year. Injuries to Murphy, Wallis, Redpath, Crameri suspended, other key players missing for much of the year using 39 players overall, the most of any finals side.

Normally we laugh at sides who are in disarray looking for quick fixes, thinking it takes a seven year plan to make significant inroads to fixing major problems (a la Mark Thompson at Geelong).

What is different about the Bulldogs? How could they finish seventh and still win a premiership? People say the bye, that helped them get a side on the park for sure. But it didn’t make the difference for Adelaide or West Coast, who were more highly rated, to progress to the GF.

The answer has to be Luke Beveridge, and his ability to get his team to play for each other and for him. The side created an aura of a finals team that you never thought was out of a match, despite their lack of previous success. A side that harnesses emotion and puts it to work. Importantly it is an ethos of love and respect with discipline and commitment, and no obvious egos.

That has to be attributed to Beveridge who could forego his own coaches premiership medal and stand back and let Bob Murphy hold the premiership cup aloft with Easton Wood. They say that Beveridge’s emotional intelligence is off the chart. That gesture both proves it and explains what emotional intelligence is.

It is truly valuing people.

This is the key to motivating people in this day and age of a world that doesn’t care, which we know far too much about.

I am hopeful that we have learned this lesson too, X, Woosha, and the rest of the club has shown this trait in the handling of the 12 and the other players this year. Let us hope we can harness our own emotions, like we did with the march to the G for the Melbourne game, and like we hope to for the start of next year.

By really caring about each other we can harness the hurt we all have suffered and translate that into success, I genuinely think this is the way ahead, now that respect for authority has dissipated to the point where many don’t take it seriously any more.

The way to move forward with purpose and conviction is through love and respect.

This is true for life and this is true for football.

Just a fantastic post SCarey.

One of the very best that I’ve read on the Blitz.

And also…
BillyBewick 8:07AM edited 8:08AM Flag
That was probably the best GF that I’ve ever seen…
after 1984, certainly the greatest gf first half that I’ve ever seen…after '93 of course.

The Swans yesterday reminded me of Essendon 2001 whereby they took risks with injured players whom contributed little during the match and with Josh Kennedy doing a Scotty Lucas with a herculean first half only to be finally overrun in the final quarter by a much fitter and hungrier opponent looking to create history.

Despite all their problems during the day, I thought that the Swans put in an extremely brave effort yesterday to hang in there until almost the very end.

The Bulldogs were just simply outstanding not only yesterday but also during the entire finals series.

Before yesterday’s match I believed that the way that they were finishing matches strongly during the finals that their superior fitness was going to go a long way towards them winning it if it was going to be close. Coupled with their high skill level and toughness under pressure, I believe these three factors were what helped them win the flag.

What they’ve been able to achieve this season has just been simply incredible.

A lot has been made of Bob Murphy and his bittersweet story but two of the guys that I really feel happy the most for at their club is Matthew Boyd and Dale Morris.

The former skipper Boyd has been suitably rewarded for his unfinching loyalty to the Dogs.

A couple of years ago when the club was on its knees and everyone was jumping ship, he remained to help guide their young pups through the dark times and give back to that club, even after they treated one of his own mates, Daniel Cross a little shabbily.

I remember being at an Essendon/Dogs game quite a while ago when Dale Morris suffered that horrific broken leg injury that ended up keeping him out of action for almost an entire two years.

I remember being near it when it happened and the sound of it snapping sickening myself and those of us around me, I think most that heard it were somewhat in a state of shock for the poor guy.

The game was stopped for a good ten minutes whilst he was being attended to and eventually carted off. All of us Bomber fans and obviously Dogs supporters alike applauded him off the ground.

I thought that his career was over after that incident as that was the worst injury that he’d suffered up until that point of his career after previously suffering other mid to long term injuries.

It says volumes of the character of these two guys that they’ve had their fair share of setbacks and heartbreak at that club but both were able to get through those tough times, stick with their club and contribute the way that they both did yesterday and get their just rewards.

Make no mistake, those two guys made significant contributions on the field yesterday and were probably in the top ten best players on the ground for their team.

Other heroes for them yesterday I thought were Tom Libba, Tom Boyd, Hambling, Roberts, McLean, MaCrae, Roughead, Picken, Johanissen, Dunckley, mainly the entire side apart from The Package who had an absolute stinker but was still able to contribute an important goal for them when it was most needed.

I thoroughly enjoyed yesterday and I believe, for me at least, that yesterday’s match signifies coming to the end of a four year dark tunnel of which I’m ready to embrace again my love of the game and look forward to better times with our beloved Bombers.

[Captain_Jack]

Something a little bit different now. A long post that manages to summarize a thread that polarized much opinion, of the #43 - Anthony “Walla” McDonald-Tipungwuti likes the fans calling him TIPPA thread in the Hangar.

Here’s a short summary of the lead-up to TIPMAS:

We've had many opportunities to draft this guy. If the club misses out, it's nothing short of a disgrace.

Here we go again ......

If this actually happens this year, it will be the GREATEST thing that has ever happened to Blitz

If this actually happens this year, it will be the GREATEST thing that has ever happened to benfti

Fixed

Two months from now. Ratten is coach and Tippa is at hawthorn. Book it.

Essendon 2016: Find A Hobby

Might just be true, this:

This guy would get an extra 5k to the games every week

Can someone keep Joe busy, please?

2016 game plan

1. Obtain ball
2. Give to Tippa
3. Kick to Joe. If Joe is busy, goals.

Fogdog came in after a televised VFL game to pour cold water everywhere:

Is it fair to say he doesn't like the hard stuff? A couple of times today he hasn't go in for the hard ball and hasn't chased. Looks like he's in second gear a lot.

Good when he gets it but maybe doesn’t get it enough.

Can’t see him getting on a list from the limited amount I’ve seen of him.

Doesn't look to have much of a defensive game to me.

This was one of Wim’s kinder responses to the above:

I don't know what you're on, foggy. He stuck and broke every tackle. Delivered under pressure. Had a better game than a lot of players on our list. And has a game that will convert to the big league.

I’d been sitting on my hands (everyone knew Radio 3DJR’s opinion on this) but Fog saying Long’s few touch game had been better than TIPPA’s 22 touch game was annoying:

I liked the game of Long … more.

Fogdog gone full Fark Carlton.

Is there any situation The Simpsons can’t explain perfectly?

SO WANT

Just pick him up.

What would people think if the Bulldogs did?

Im not kidding, if he's running around next year for another AFL club that will be the final nail for me. I wouldn't be able to take it.

Seriously? Over a fringe player? Wow.

Best not to take chances with our list at the moment, it's just about balanced to perfection.

Sorry fog but you've lost the plot on this one. Tippy has been improving year by year, but this year was really a breakout year for him. I reckon more tha 90percent of the time he hits a target I haven't seen that in our team for a long time. You just know when he gets it he hit his target off the back flank. His move into the midfield was phenomenal he single handily brought us back into the game with his clearances. If he's not worth a rookie pick than fark me.

Radio 3DJR may over-report TIPPA actions but that's not just 'cause we're racist -- he gets us out of trouble, apparently effortlessly, so often and you know he WILL hit his target.

He has a high success rate when sent to the middle. Why that move is relatively rare I can’t say.

He spent much of his early time with us forward, didn’t get enough of it. I’m sure he’d do better now, though I’m not convinced it would be the best use of him.

Can I guarantee he’ll be a sustained AFL success? No. Can I guarantee he’ll be of more use than many on our list next year (including Long)? Hell yeah.

Just. Do. It.

I refused to LIKE the post below:

Predicted Tippa/Blitz timeline:

November 24 2015: Blitz angst when Tippa not selected with last pick in National Draft.

November 27 2015: Blitz angst when Tippa not selected with last pick in pre-season draft but quickly turns to elation when he is picked up as a rookie.

December 2015 - Feb 2016: Blitz on constant Tippa watch - What number is he wearing? How did he look at training? Lots of “when Tippa does chin ups he’s actually pulling the world to him” posts.

March 2016: Blitz meltdown when Tippa not selected in first practice match.

March 2016: Blitz delight when Tippa is selected in first NAB cup game. Much discussion as to whether a 4 disposal, 2 tackle and 1 goal game was reasonable or not.

March 2016: Blitz despair when Tippa injured in a training mishap with a prognosis of “only missing a few weeks”.

August 2016: Blitz eagerly awaits reports of Tippa’s first game back from injury in the VFL by DJR.

Dec 2016: Tippa comes last in club time-trial. Labelled unfit by some and laconic by the uneducated.

Dec 2017: Tippa cut from list. Blitz calls of “Waste of a pick we could have had player x instead” and “Waste of talent” and “Too lazy and too much turtle meat”.

A true believer said:

I couldn't help it, in the membership survey under suggestions near the end, I simply put. "Recruit Tippa"

Im sure the club are aware of his cult following in the twos.

I'm not that loud... oh wait yes I am.

There were weeks that you could be heard through the radio call, not joking.

Remember when Coghlan as an AFL player was a thing?

10th in VFL B&F from 20 games played. He's hardly knocked down the door, but no doubt there will be shock and disbelief when he is overlooked.

I'd be very disappointed if we overlooked players like Coghlan to take Tippa. Decent VFL player is his level.

Some more detailed responses on that:

I still don't agree that Coghlan is automatically a better prospect than Tippa. He gets a fair bit more of it and kicks more goals and is bigger, but what's his AFL role? I think he appears pretty much a Howlett, which isn't a bad thing, but we already have one.

What we don’t have much of is elite foot skills.

I’d love to see them both on the list but I want Tippa more.

I do agree with that, the problems Sloots talks about I believe will be quickly rectified by an AFL pre season

It’s not like we’ve just plucked this guy from obscurity. He’s played three years of VFL footy, and two years of TAC before that. As well, EFC have been working with him behind the scenes trying to get him up to speed for three years at least. You would be hard pressed to find another player in the draft pool who has had so much exposure to a professional football environment.

Are we to believe that after one preseason at AFL level he will get the tank needed to put in the repeat efforts required of an AFL footballer (ignoring that he already has done some preseason work with the EFC listed squad)? When Crameri, Ambrose, Kommer and Howlett came to the club from various lower leagues, they were immediately in the top running group at the club. If it’s just a matter of him putting in the required work, then you’d have to ask why hasn’t he done it to date? Perhaps he is busting his nut, and genetics are holding him back from building a bigger endurance base.

I can see he has some great attributes, particularly his precise ball use. But I just can’t imagine him making it at AFL level. I think he would get exposed one-on-one by small forwards, and possibly isolated in front of goal. His foot speed isn’t that great, and his ability to keep his feet is poor. Overhead he punches above his weight, but the likes of Betts, Walters and Rioli (his likely opponents if he was to make the grade) would have him well covered competing for a high ball.

I’ve got no idea whether he would make it as a small-forward because he hasn’t played as a small-forward over the last five years. If he was considered a prospect in that position, he would have spent time in the forward line for EFC VFL.

It will be a great story if he gets drafted, but realistically he is a marginal prospect at best.

you have taken the time to point out your concerns so I will take the time to point out why I think he can overcome them.

firstly, he played 3 years of TAC, and 3 years of VFL. I wont go into details for year on year progression because we will be here for ages, but, I will talk about what is perceived and what is fact.

Firstly, he doesnt get any more work put into him than anyone else on the VFL list, He is seen more at the club because he works at the club, 3 days a week, as a cultural development officer in the GLOball program, its a job, a real job, none of this visy stuff, he then works 2 days a week as a teachers aid in Drouin, and he is doing his Dip Ed, this is all external of training with the VFL team. he was able to do 3 weeks of pre season last year, and then the top up stuff because it was school holidays. What you also need to understand is you can still play full time footy in the WAFL or the SANFL but he VFL guys get a couple of hundred bucks a game. So they have more time to work on those things.

I dont know why he doesn’t get more time forward, he was a forward as a junior, Nick Stevens in his last year of TAC moved him behind the ball because he used it a lot better than anyone they had at the time after Dyson had left. But for the Tiwi Bombers, and the NT thunder side he played as a mid/forward.

An AFL footballer puts in about 25 hours a week in recovery, training, weights, cardo and technique. These last two years for him have been about building endurance. He finally has a base now, which he will be able to build upon, if drafted he will be able to work on his core, which should straight away help with his ability to keep his feet in the contest. He has balance, only a numpty cant see that, keeping feet is about strength. That can be fixed

We need Tippa. For starters he knocks back SANFL and WAFL offers every year to stay and work at the club. But his attributes which you mention. thought I will debate till the cows come home about his being not that great, he would be in the top 5 for speed on our list.

We nave no good uses of the footy who are quick, except Edwards, and we have no quick guys who are good users of the footy. We continually draft guys and think we can fix those sorts of things but they are huge gaps.

THIS IS A GLARING WEAKNESS IN OUT LIST. As a late pick or a rookie we have done FAR FAR worse than Tippa, and if im right about what him having to have the ability to move to full time would bring.

even @david_j_richardson will tell you than even on his non preferred he is better by foot than probably 80% of our guys, on top of that he makes good decisions, he knows when to lower his eyes and he knows where to raise them.

I think years of playing in defense at lower levels will in the end help him not get exposed at AFL level by his man when he moves to the wing/half forward. Where is ability to hit targets under pressure and on the run will be of best benefit to the team moving forward.

Yes, I objected to the “even” bit.

■■■■, I just chopped out some comments while editing. Ah well.

After TIPPA was put on the “permission to train list” and Coghlan and Brown weren’t:

Is he actually any good? Just need to know so I can get in early on the bandwagon.

Early?

Has been so much waiting.

A visual pun:

Went out at lunchtime today and saw Tippa.

He was behind the counter.

It was getting down to actual draft talk now.

So what night this week is the Blitzcast gonna be happening?

60 seconds after Tippa is drafted.

Give ben at least a few minutes to clean himself up.

Full transparency, the Dogs and Port are interested, it where I'm not sure. With that being said he is a scenario option at both clubs as far as I'm aware.

Dogs need to f-ck off, and recruit their own reserves players.

ordered a tray of witchetty grubs and a stack of damper in prep for tonight.

He is a Tiwi man Stallion, I've ordered turtle and roo tail

This place will go full retard if we pick him up and it'll be farking glorious

A VFL trainer posted a reference to the now famous 6:59 run:

So...given there a people on this site who have connection with Tippa (or lead you to think that they do), I would have thought Tippa would well and truly have been told by or at least had discussions with the club, about what the Club's intentions were.

Pretty easy to stop the speculation I would have thought.

If he broke 7 minutes in the 2k last week, rumour has it he will be offered a place on the list.

Anyone know the times?

After the main draft:

WTF am I going to do with all this fkn damper?? FK sake.

Boot was classy, not:

Oh dear. Who would have guessed.

Only those who lack joy in their sole

Or those who are astute judges of a footballer.

And I’ve never really considered the joy factor of any part of my shoes to be honest.

As a NSW guy would say (and somehow I didn’t quote him earlier, SHAME), some still believed:

ON THE THIRD DAY HE SHALL ARISE.

When Tippa is drafted on Friday I hope the first thing he does is call Boots cafe and tell him to fk off.

Tippa always knew his day was Friday. He has hit all the targets they set for him including a sub 7min 2km, sub 3sec 20m and under 8 sec agility as well as over 70cm jump. Thats why its a bit baffling why they took Eades!!! Maybe trying for a Rioli/ Poppy forward line???

Darli was called in to pull Boot into line:

When Tippa is drafted on Friday I hope the first thing he does is call Boots cafe and tell him to fk off.

How will we know it's him?

How many people tell Boot that each day?

Aside from me?

Boot made a joke:

When Tippa is drafted on Friday I hope the first thing he does is call Boots cafe and tell him to fk off.

How will we know it's him?

He'll order the turtle.

He'll be getting no turtle.

He can have the chicken, or go to Stallions. I believe he has a shiteload of damper that needs eating.

There were alternative views on how the rookie draft might go:

If we dont pick Tippa, I will still buy a membership and go to every possible game. I will still scream abuse at the opposition and pick drunken fights with people I shouldnt. I will still wear my shirt with pride and sing the song loudly. There will however be a small part of me that feels as if the magic is gone. Like finding out that Santa isnt real but is just a creepy old man in a red suit that stumbles drunkenly from house to house sneaking into childrens rooms.

Very thoughtful, well reasoned post.

I’m gonna spazz out.

So fkn nervous for Tippa tomorrow

I'm nervous for Reboot

God this thread is going to go full retard tomorrow, either way.

I personally guarantee we are a certainty to overlook him.

And then it was TIPMAS:

This is a strangely erotic experience.

HELL

F’N

YEAH

EAT IT @Reboot

[Captain_Jack]

For the literary minded some of the books that could be written about the Essington method of doing things, from one of series of Robert Shaw threads in the Hangar.

Put yourself in the players shoes at the time, would you drop $100k a year because the CEO can't count?

If I'm on 600k and dropping to 500k means my mate keeps his job and we are more likely to achieve our objectives, yes I'd like to think so and plenty of teams have done so since

Since being the operative word. Brisbane bears, the Cats (except GA Jnr) & the Hawk's (except Buddy) dynasties all learnt from our fast fall from grace. We wrote the book on how to fark up a strong team quickly & all the other teams learnt from our mistakes.

We also wrote and released very successful books:

• how to fark up a sports science program
• how not to invest in your core business and build a war chest
• how to spend your war chest when your core business is farked
• head coach as head recruiter: the ugly truth
• bend over and grab your ankles, or else…
• when having absolutely no media strategy at all is the best strategy of all
• extending a ■■■■ coaches contract to avoid speculation that your coach is ■■■■
• how to tell when it is time to pay out a ■■■■ coach for dummies
• getting in first: the toy stadium that was better than the best stadium in the world
• it’s just a knock: injury management in the modern age
• playing guys out of position: development and list management certificate 1
• the forward pocket as centre half forward: revolutionising the forward entry
• going in long and high: if it is broke, keep trying again and again
• ruckmen, who needs them, with forward by grant Thomas
• getting in touch with your inner ruckmen: equal opportunity and inclusion in modern football
• how to make the wheels fall off in the second half of the season
• letting the loose man in defense exploit your poor entries and sticking to your guns
• priority picks: when not to exploit a loophole
• forward or back: a modern tragedy
• back or forward: hooker’s untold story
• list cloggers: know when to hold em
• screw the cake just give us the icing
• Darcy parish: the light at the end of the tunnel

And many more

We should go into publishing.

That is gold, Ivan!

A similar list could be written for any farkin club,but hey, let’s keep heaping ■■■■ on Essendon.

True enough. The humor round here over the last four years has probably kept a few of us sane though so, you know, lighten up.

Oh yeah, sorry, we’re ■■■■ hahaha

Admitting it is the first step.

[Captain_Jack]

SMack and Francis just played themselves into the seniors based on reports from today’s game.

Here is a reading.

Chronicles Sancti Francisci

Thine first miracle attribut’d to Saint Aaron de Francis is gen’rally reckon’d to beest the Healing of The Rift.

Upon thou field of hurlyburly af’re Sandringham Castle, that gent didst teareth thine thigh asund’r, such as its liketh hadst been not seen bef’re.

As wide wast thine chasm yond such longbowmen, even thine mightiest of arm, couldst scarce landeth their bolts upon the farth’r sh’re.

And yet, upon but the second m’rn, Saint Aaron didst em’rge. Unscath’d and of halest of heart., bearing no scar of man, spirit nor flesh.

Andst thou word didst spreadeth. And thine people did rejoicest, with breaking of bread and taking of mead with proclamations across all thy lands.

Bann’rs did fly from the battlements, glorious tinctures of gules and sable flutt’r’d and glitt’r’d in the warmth of newly arisen skye fire, and the kingdom fear’d nay Giants again.

Thus it was written.

http://i.imgur.com/hkQlGOF.jpg

Here is a reading.

Chronicles Sancti Francisci

Thine first miracle attribut’d to Saint Aaron de Francis is gen’rally reckon’d to beest the Healing of The Rift.

Upon thou field of hurlyburly af’re Sandringham Castle, that gent didst teareth thine thigh asund’r, such as its liketh hadst been not seen bef’re.

As wide wast thine chasm yond such longbowmen, even thine mightiest of arm, couldst scarce landeth their bolts upon the farth’r sh’re.

And yet, upon but the second m’rn, Saint Aaron didst em’rge. Unscath’d and of halest of heart., bearing no scar of man, spirit nor flesh.

Andst thou word didst spreadeth. And thine people did rejoicest, with breaking of bread and taking of mead with proclamations across all thy lands.

Bann’rs did fly from the battlements, glorious tinctures of gules and sable flutt’r’d and glitt’r’d in the warmth of newly arisen skye fire, and the kingdom fear’d nay Giants again.

Thus it was written.

http://i.imgur.com/hkQlGOF.jpg

A prophetic post. The portents are favorable, the planets are aligned, the coming of the next champion has been foretold. From the St Aaron of Francis thread in the Hangar.

[Captain_Jack]

It's a nice day so I take a walk and who should I meet? St. Francis of Aaron, standing out on the waters of Queens Park Lake turning breadcrumbs and sardines into loaves and whole tunas, while casually peeing Cabernet Sauvignon out into empty flagons.

So I yell out “hows the quadie going there St Francis”? He replied “I’ve got the first three legs in and the forth leg is a monty at twenty to one”.

“Err, I meant how is the leg? The one that took a knock”… And with that there was a clap of thunder and a voice boomed down from the heavens, “behold ye of little faith”.

Suddenly a bright ray of light burst from the sky and lit up a section of the park, just behind the kiosk, where 12 blokes were kicking a football around. “Who are those dudes” I asked, somewhat blinded by the light, a la Manfred Mann.

Once again the voice boomed from above, “Behold before you unbeliever, The Twelve Collosals. There was a thirteenth, one in which the force was strong. But I farked that Judas off to a dismal Port for penance, solitude and to deal with a Koch-head”.

As the voice from above finished, one of the 12 Collosals, a big blonde bloke wearing No. 18 drilled a ball out to St Francis of Aaron who lept beautifully, intercepting the football at its highest point.

St. Francis then sent a 70 meter drop punt skimming over the water where another Collosal, a big bloke wearing No. 26 clunked the mark, short passed to a gut running No. 5 who then hand balled to a little fast bloke, No. 32, who then fired a long ball to St. Francis who took a spectacular one handed grab.

St Francis then fired a duck cutter over the waters onto the chest of another of the Collosals. A bloke who they referred to as ‘Hep The Longhair’, who in turn hand balled to a bloke they called ‘Skipper". This Skipper feller sent a ball high and wide to St. Francis’ left side.

But not to worry, St Francis of Aaron padded across those waters at phenomenal speed and launched himself parallel to the surface, taking the ball in his outstretched hands in a tumbling, diving breathtaking mark.

St Francis then casually stood up, glanced over his shoulder and scissor kicked a ball 55 meters onto the chest of the leading big lumbering Collosal wearing No. 2.

The bright light disappeared and the voice from the clouds rumbled “have you seen enough non believer?”

“Yep”, I said turning my back.and walking away. “We still over posses the football and fark around too much”.

And now another Blitzer gets in on the action/fun.

[Captain_Jack]

Ten news just had footage of Jobe doing some Training this morning, not sure where it was, and supposedly some of the other banned players were also at the training session. He handled a football including kicking and handballing - had 10 eyewitness news plastered all over the footage that was aired.

“Banned on a run”

Banned on their run, banned on their run
And the media men and especially Damien
Were searching for every one
For the banned on their run
Banned on a run
Banned on a run
Banned on a run

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cr5gnRqUsAAKfWy.jpg

A coffee run that is.

Eyes look a bit blood shot, should have put on the Ray-Ban’s.

Sheesh it has been a while since l posted anything in here. This is a good post, but it is even better news. Welcome back Jobe.

[Captain_Jack]

Dear haters:

http://i.imgur.com/ttqTWRK.gif

Can you have Jobe wearing his brownlow?

http://i.imgur.com/c1y2WUu.gif

if hirdy was driving the car it would be the complete gif

http://i.imgur.com/BRoLkFf.gif

I don’t want to push the luck here, but you know - a couple of white stripes on the car would look ‘racey’, and would it be hard to be true to Jobe’s currant haircut? Just let me know if it’s too much, mate.

Standard EFC #backin gif
I love it

Some much needed, fun now in the Hangar to mark the return of Jobewan, to where he belongs, #Backin.