Simmo's Disparaging Anecdotes About Opposition Players


It’s close to ten years ago since Simmo rolled out his legendary Scott Gumbleton streak thread.

At the time, it looked like the start of a very promising career for Simmo. Anybody with satirical chops that good, was clearly gonna be putting out hilariously clever threads every few weeks…

You took your time @simmo41, but good follow up.


Grade 3? You’re much younger than I thought you were.



My grade 3 story of ‘who is that bomber player whose autograph I got?’ Was Ed Considine.


I remember Brian Stynes coming to our school. I didn’t ask for his autograph.


The biggest sporting name to come to our primary school, was Dean Uthoff of the Eastside Melbourne Spectors.


A few years ago I was waiting for the train after an Essendon hawthorn game which we lost.

Right in front of me was Scott mclaren and his two hawk supporting teenage daughters, I didn’t drop kick him into the path of the on coming train, never forgiven myself

In 2005 I was working retail at kmart and Scott mclaren came in and all he looked at was the undies that were on clearance, we didn’t have what he wanted so he left. Weird guy


I once wrote a will for the grandmother of a much loved Essendon player, I will not name him. He was a genuinely nice guy who was there to do the right thing by his gran. It would be fair to say he wasn’t what I expected (in the best possible way) but equally I’m sure he was on his very best behaviour with Grandma. It seemed inappropriate to start talking footy so I didn’t even let on I knew who he was let alone that I was an Essendon tragic.


I don’t want to defend McLaren, but getting it’s important to get your underwear right


“So, just sign here, and here, oh and one last signature on this one.”

“Ah, sir, this is a footy card.”


I met Ariel Steinberg at the Moonee Ponds Subway(s). He’d been stuck in the VFL so long he knew who I was, and started the conversation.


Ha. That’s gold.

I think you’re more famous than him, and any fame he had, was largely due to you anyway.

That interaction makes sense.


I’m sure he’d have recognised the dapper taller gentlemen with the white moustache too: I think he’s been religiously going to VFL games longer than me… and does so via public transport from Bendigo!

(Or Ballarat, I forget. At least the trains have improved over that period.)


He was disappointed to find out they weren’t used.


Are you a Ringwood boy @Henry_s_Angry_Pills?




I believe he is from the area, like me. I used to live near Paul Vander Haar.

Out of curiosity, what is Todd like, anyone know?


I’ve not heard anything good about Paul.


Park Orchards.


Ah… near Sheedy then?
Paul Salmon’s house was just up the road from ours.


Lowest crime rate of any suburb in Victoria isn’t it? Until that bottle shop got rolled late last year…