Things are particularly grim. The child is now 25kg (13 years old). Refuces to increase calories so has been sedated, for the third time in four weeks, for the doctors to insert a feeding tube. He doesn’t want to live, he had made it clear.
Anorexia is a horrific illness.
My friend is supported by a wonderful husband and her family. She has lost weight from stress that they have concerns about her physical and mental health.
I’m not seeing a path forward with much hope. Completely terrible.
Oh HG, this is just a terribly sad situation for all.
Thoughts are with the 13yo, all of the affected family and you.
Take care of yourself. Hugs
It’s unbelievable in many ways but not. Family court system put the rights of an abusive father over the child. Eating was the only thing they could control.
Breaks my heart reading this, I’m so sorry you and your friends are experiencing such an unfolding tragedy. I’m not one for prayer but if there is a light in this universe may it shine brightly upon this poor child.
The bloody courts strike again. They have much to answer for. They are supposed to protect children, but often children are given scant regard.
The Family Court functions on the legal basis of best interests of the child.
Judges of the Court have among the worst jobs in the world, when parents claim rights of ownership of a child and use the child to seek revenge on the other partner. At times the Family Court is forced to assign guardianship to a third party as the least worst option for the interests of the child.
When two national jurisdictions with differing laws come into the mix, it’s that much harder for the child.
The child begged court appointed social worker, psychologist and doctors that they wanted a relationship with his father on their terms. That included 1 dinner a fortnight and a weekend day.
Sleeping over and being away from mum was highly traumatic. But the court determined the fathers wants - 5 days, were more important.
Now we have a situation where 12 years of trauma have led to this.
He took her to court at every opportunity and said his goal was to bankrupt her. Luckily she’s a doctor and court afford good counsel.
In Germany, the child is represented independently. Much better system.
In a case involving my Godson , the Court appointed a barrister for him. It happens here too.
Don’t the courts usually always give custody to the mother. And being a doctor as well.
Edit. Just went back and read your friend is in Germany.
No. All court proceedings were in Australia. The mother isn’t always given custody.
If the parents can’t agree on arrangements through mediation the Court can determine the arrangements, including joint custody ( for example with the child dividing time between parents ) to full custody to one parent with access periods set for the other parent. If they don’t live in the same city, or interstate the holiday periods would be set. It’s more complex if it’s international or if one parent has questionable character or an unstable home. In the case of my Godson, the father has prescribed times for face time etc and meetings once a month in a supervised place ( he has orders against him proscribing contact with the mother). Half the time the father cancels because he’s got better things to do at the time. The parents are both subject to the condition that they are not to disparage the other one to the child.
Thanks to all the contributors to this thread. Some great information and life lessons within.
I have a question, does anyone have a recommendation for marriage counselling in the northern suburbs of Melbourne? I was thinking about Relationships Australia, but haven’t heard the best things.
Things are pretty rough and something needs to be worked out.
Thanks in advance.
During my Sons time in Ward 17 at the Repat Hospital, I met many ex-ADF men and women who had attempted or were considering ending their lives. The numbers of deaths is such a tragedy. Hopefully this Royal Commission will cause things to change
Over the journey, I had marriage counselling with Mrs Fox the Second through Relationships Australia, and while it didn’t bring us back together, it helped soothe the pain and angst. I think it enabled us to agree on children custody and access arrangements much easier. It really depends on who the Counsellor is and how you approach the exercise. I didn’t actually like the Counsellor much but probably my guilt trip, and not her methods.
It is worth the effort.
Counselling is also cheaper than you both having a family lawyer.
Mind you everything you say in counselling can be used in court.
Just remember this because at least one party in a breakdown may not be approaching the exercise with kindness and because you dont like or love each other anymore may find you end up with ulterior motives which aren’t helpful.
Sorry Handy One that is not true.
Almost all matters discussed during marriage or relationship counselling cannot be used in evidence in family law proceedings. This extends to what is said or discussed to a mediator or psychologist during the course of mediation or Family Dispute Resolution. Sections 10E and 10J of the Family Law Act 1975 provides that such evidence inadmissible.
Well thats good. But the latter advice kind of remains.(and former)
Acting in good faith requires both parties. Breakups can be a terrible toll on somones mental health.
It took a toll on me when I went through it.
Robbie Burns encapsulated it - to see ourselves as others see us. If mediation can achieve that understanding by one or both in a relationship, it’s worth a try.