Happy to listen anytime.
I would think about easing off on those snakes though:crazy_face:
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May I suggest something? The use of the word burden. Implies a negative. Sharing how you feel isn’t a negative, it’s a positive step towards good mental health.
I’m not a professional and would suggest you speak to your GP.
For what its worth, sounds like your bucket is overflowing. Anxiety doesn’t have to arise from a singular incident, it can be the culmination of layers of stress. Everyone has a limit to how much their bucket can take. The good news is there is support. You are welcome to post here and I’d encourage seeking professionally help. You’ve got a full bucket.
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Goodness me, that’s stress x2!
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Thanks folks.
The kindness of strangers
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If only you had access to respite care, if your MIL could go into respite care for a week or so . My Aged Care run by the Feds does make provision for respite care to help families. Has your MIL done the assessment?. My stressed out neighbour carer of her elderly mother recently arranged a week for her mother in respite care. Mum loved it and extended for another week. The respite for the daughter worked wonders for her, emotionally back on balance.
Knowing a retired firefighter who also had first responder responsibilities on the railway tracks and hearing his stories, you have my utmost admiration.
All the very best for you and your family.
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Thank you.
MIL refuses to entertain the idea of respite.
She has other health issues such as diabetes, kidney and heart issues. Because of these my wife wouldn’t relax if MIL was else. Double edged sword.
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Possibly time to give it away ? It’s a stress variable that you can control right now, and it’s not a field of activity where you want to be off your game in any way. Just the knowledge that you definitely won’t have to deal with an angry Brown today may help you in the other areas of stress as well going forward. Reduce the load on yourself a bit.
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It has certainly entered my mind and I appreciate the suggestion.
Unfortunately, through circumstances, my wife has no income or flexibility to work at the moment so I need a second income. I dont have a trade and this is the best option I could come up with for our family life.
I do have a bloke that works for me and I send him out on calls as well so that helps.
I would never knowingly put myself in a situation where I risk not going home to my wife and kids
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I’m only posting from second hand knowledge of the neighbours, a daughter caring for a mother with the same health complexities as your MIL, the same opposition to residential respite care…
Only to suggest that , if you haven’t already done so, to check if your wife is eligible for a carers payment or other assistance. It does not compensate for income from employment in the wider workforce, but it can help, better than nothing, provides a form of respite for the carer ( including tapping into the local Council or health network set up)
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Of course. But in my experience if dangerous work is beginning to take it’s payment in stress then it’s telling you something. And very often shows itself in other areas of my life that I need to be told about.
But I’m certainly not preaching. I evaluate my own risks and how I’m feeling too re live power work , heights, confined spaces, even motorcycle riding etc . But I certainly recommend listening to your own biorhythms and psyche. Sometimes, we just flat out need a break from tension and the critical need to not eff up.
Anyway, you’ve already recognised that it’s winding you up like a spring so that’s probably the key realisation that will get you through this.
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Mind InspireInspiring Things In The World
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Ernest Hemingway once said:
When people talk listen completely. Don’t be thinking what you’re going to say. Most people never listen. Nor do they observe. You should be able to go into a room and when you come out know everything that you saw there and not only that. If that room gave you any feeling you should know exactly what it was that gave you that feeling.
It’s a rare and profound gift to be fully present with someone, and yet, it’s something so few of us truly offer. Most people only half-listen, their minds already formulating their next words, distracted by their own thoughts, or zoning out entirely.
Imagine how powerful it would be if we listened more deeply—if we made a commitment to being fully engaged, to hearing and understanding not just the words, but the emotions and intentions behind them. Listening isn’t just about waiting for your turn to speak; it’s about absorbing what someone else is sharing and making them feel heard, valued, and understood. It’s about connecting on a level deeper than surface conversations, because when you truly listen, you open a door to empathy and genuine connection. And isn’t that what we’re all really longing for?
Beyond listening, there is also the art of observing, of truly noticing the world around you. When you walk into a room, take a moment to soak in everything. Notice the details—the way the sunlight filters through the windows, the color of the walls, the expressions on people’s faces, the way someone is nervously tapping their foot or laughing with their eyes more than their mouth. Most of us rush through spaces, our minds preoccupied and our eyes barely registering what’s in front of us. But there’s magic in paying attention, in being mindful of the small details that make every moment unique.
Think of the room not just as a physical space, but as an experience. Every room has a mood, a feeling, an energy. It could be the coziness of a room filled with laughter, the tension of a space where a difficult conversation just took place, or the warmth of a place that holds beautiful memories. The more we tune in to these subtle feelings, the more deeply we can understand our surroundings and the people in them. What gave you that feeling? Was it the way someone’s eyes lit up when they smiled? The scent of freshly brewed coffee that brought a sense of comfort? Or perhaps the distant echo of a song that stirred up a forgotten memory?
Being observant and emotionally aware in this way takes practice, but it also transforms the way you move through life. You become more sensitive, more attuned, more aware. You start to notice the way a friend’s voice softens when they’re talking about something they love, or the slight shift in someone’s tone when they’re hiding something. You begin to see and feel things that others miss entirely, and that awareness can lead to a richer, more connected experience of the world.
It’s a beautiful thing to be a person who listens with their heart, who observes deeply, and who feels fully. It means you’re not just drifting through life; you’re living it intentionally. You’re soaking in the fullness of each moment, aware of the beauty and complexity around you. It means you understand people better, because you’ve made the effort to see and hear them, to pick up on the nuances of their being. It means you can be the kind of person whose presence feels calming, because people know you’re truly there with them, not just waiting for your turn to talk or half-heartedly engaging.
So, when you’re in conversation, let go of the urge to plan your next statement. Take a breath, relax your mind, and give the person speaking your undivided attention. Let yourself be present, fully. When you walk into a room, slow down and really see it. Observe the details, feel the energy, notice the small things that make that moment unique. You’ll find that life becomes richer, fuller, and more meaningful when you learn to listen and observe completely. It’s not just about hearing words or seeing objects—it’s about feeling the fullness of everything around you. It’s about experiencing life, deeply and completely.
What do you believe we miss out on when we’re not fully present, and how does that impact our relationships and experiences?
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Update:
It took 10 weeks and got the letter. What the letter is alleging I did, pretty much all teachers across the state/country do.
The Union have been great helping me write my response and cannot believe that I have been accused of what I have done.
I do not wish to even state what the allegations are here as I do not wish to be labelled something I am not due to my trauma.
I am also considering leaving teaching.
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A member of my family is going through that process with the Education Dept. it’s harrowing for them and hard to maintain a focus.
No doubt your Union has schooled you on the application of natural justice/procedural fairness principles. Also, the importance of retaining your teaching accreditation/registration in terms of future career options outside of employment in the Education Dept.
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I know this post is a few months old, but I used to think like that and I think it just made my mental state worse. Because I was putting time and effort into myself to make myself better and it just wasn’t but “oh that’s ok it’s not actually ever going to be ok again”. And I was then having days of pure mental silence and I’d start spiralling about my mind being silent. Why is this happening kind of thing.
Then I realised that’s what ok is. It’s silence. Mental silence. So I just let myself be ok in the peace and quiet. And now I’m ok. I mean sure there days here and there where it gets a bit much but I’m pretty good at getting back to the good head space. The silence. And I’m letting myself be that way.
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Yea, they have said it will most likely be a written warning however cant guarantee anything.
I have 3 friends who have gone through this process. 1 has left teaching for good as it has changed his whole approach and just left a bitter taste in his mouth. He basically can’t get close to children or have them approach to close and the paranoia was too much.
Another left for 2 years after being stood down for actually supporting disabled kids (got allegations of grabbing students behind neck and locking up food and drink which was taking away rights of students to eat and drink). He grabbed kids from behind neck to stop them running on broken glass from a window and he had disabled students who can eat solid food due to swallowing issues and would go through kids lunch boxes and drinks.
He is still going through the VIT process to be reregistered.
For me though, its the whole guilty until proven innocent and how I cannot be confident in my own abilities and second guessing myself in everything.
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A rare serious post from me here.
A close friend of mine lets call her Mrs X has been in a emotionally abusive marriage/relationship for sometime. She has been on the verge of a full mental breakdown for a while now and its happened.
I didn’t want to be right about this and part me feels like I have failed Mrs X. I feel I hadn’t done enough.
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Is she safe? In a hospital?
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Yes to both questions.
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Do police know about the abuse? Are there children?
This has good resources
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No to both questions for that one.
He would often weaponsise the history that Mrs X and I have. We briefly dated but decided we worked better as close freinds. If I spoke up he would gaslight her into thinking i wasnt coming from the place of a concerned friend but something more sneaky.
I asked if it ever got physical, she says no and i really shouldn’t say this but I don’t think that’s true.
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