Do you know if she wants to leave?
Emotional and psychological abuse can be just as bad, if not worse than physical abuse. Domestic violence can come in different forms.
If you want to talk to a trained counsellor the above link provides a service to people who suspect family/friends are victims of domestic violence.
I think deep down she does.
My advice is to seek professional guidance. For you too as itâs impacting you.
I hope your friend can find peace and safety.
Me too.
I learned from involvement with women in abusive relationships that it can take up to ten times for them to leave. No matter the abuse, the expert assistance available on line in talking them through, alternative safe refuges, they go back to sometimes worse abuse, then something snaps, they donât go back. Hopefully for your friend this is the time and she has somewhere else to live. Just be there for her.
Thatâs ridiculous. Happy for you to pm me if you donât want to share details, but this is kinda my area of expertise. Did they stand you down while they gathered information etc? Or did you just work as normal?
I donât think theyâd have a strong argument for any significant disciplinary action if they havenât stood you down, really undermines their argument.
My suggestion to any employee in these circumstances is to try and take the emotion out of it as much as you can.
What I generally see is that when workers formally meet employers to discuss, agreeing on things you can agree upon, ie, yes I did do a b c d e f g, is a good start. Thereâs little point arguing facts which arenât really in dispute (unless they are and thereâs evidence to support that assertion).
Once a common ground is reached on what happened, workers will then generally suggest why they donât think what they did is in breach of a certain policy. From there, if a worker then suggests that although they didnât think it was a breach, theyâll change their behaviour, that generally works well in their favour.
Workplaces become nervous when they feel they are working with someone who cannot and will not (from their perspective) change certain behaviours to meet what they need. Thatâs when HR and management will consider whether the risk of significant disciplinary action/ termination is outweighed by the risk of similar action happening again.
It is also worth mentioning if other teachers
engage in similar conduct and arenât brought up on it that that fed into your belief that what you were doing was appropriate and not an issue.
Your union may have another perspective, and Iâd always encourage you to take their word for it or seek external advice, as this is just my general view on how Iâve seen things pan out and shouldnât be relied upon.
Best of luck.
Today I start a new batch of anti depressants. My anxiety has got so bad I find ways not to leave the house. I love going to the footy and gigs but if I ever do Iâm normally very drunk to cover my anxiety. The next day is normally the worst day ever.
So I start a road to recovery.
Sincere best wishes.
Iâve very much been there before. Counselling and meds have helped me a lot.
So has a balance of âunderstanding oneself, being kind to oneselfâ and âpushing oneself, saying âyesâ to things even when itâs hardâ. A tricky, volatile balance.
The other factor was realising uncomfortable truths (nevertheless, hard truths) about my childhood, and how they relate to my way of being-in-the-world, have helped me step forward into a very different (much much better) life and way of being.
Youâll get there, in time, and via your own combination of things, but it will come. I know cos you are trying and evidently have insight into yourself. Time, effort, kindness-to-yourself, youâll 1000% get there - and youâll be stronger for it. Go you good thing.
Just a small update. My daughter traveled to her film festival and came back very happy. Her film went over very well with the audience there and a director who was there for a workshop sought her out the next day to encourage her to submit the film to some further festivals. Was so nice to see her smiling when she returned. Thank you everyone for your encouraging words, Iâm not an overly emotional guy but I was and am very touched.
From Fairport 9.
Pleasure and Pain, Fairport Convention, lyrics.
Pleasure and pain is like profit and gain
Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose
Be kind to yourself when youâre tired of yourself
Donât go mixing the reds along with the blues
The coach that I ride has a horseman whoâs tired
The reins to his hands they are tied
The one to alight, if heâs lucky, he might
Learn to slow down and drift with the tide
[Chorus:]
Itâs ever so low when thereâs nowhere to go
And your spirit lies close to the ground
Take a long look behind, Iâm sure youâll find
A friend there whoâll help pull you round
[Chorus:]
You have to agree, itâs not easy to see
A sheep underneath all that fleece
If youâll take my advice, stick with people you like
Itâs a big world, youâre only one piece
[Chorus:]
Pleasure and pain is like profit and gain
Sometimes you win
Be kind to yourself when youâre tired of yourself
Donât go mixing the reds along with the blues
There are definitely things in my childhood I have never discussed seriously that may be effecting me now. Thanks for your reply
Can relate to this. Wasnât just one day though - maybe 2-3 after drinking a decent amount. Booze is defiantly anxiety and depression inducing for some. I used it to mask anxiety as well at social events. Eventually just had to stop.
All the best for you.
Iâve done 6 months here and there without drinking. It helps for sure. It hinders my lifeâŚbut I canât give it away for good.
Probably an overly personal question to ask on here but what meds have people tried for anxiety or recommend
I reckon i tried 6 before i found diazepam to work.
But not on medication any more.
One thing i found is that the first few weeks of medication can be rough and can maje you feel worse before feeling better. Always follow the doctors guidance for starting and weaning off these tablets.
I was on Lexapro for a long time. Tough early on but it worked for me ( I went for relatively low doses). Iâm off it now but I exercise every day to help manage my anxiety and depression
Lexapro (escitalopram) for me too. Is more for anxiety than depression, and has been a great help - no side effects for me at all - in combination with counselling and other life stuff.
I am not a doctor, but for some people I reckon itâs beneficial to get stuck into some counselling first, then look to meds later down the track as an adjunct when youâve got a framework for âwhere youâre atâ, and starting to get into a more âdoing the workâ phase.
For others, though, Iâm sure (in fact, have witnessed) the usefulness of starting meds asap, as breathing space (even though they take weeks to start to have an effect).
Big pharma is fkd but thank god for SSRIs.
Thanks everyone for the responses.
Iâve done a lot of work with a psychologist over the years and tried cbd which does work to an extent and have used bromazapam for major anxiety attacks.
So finally looking to take the jump and try some meds to help with the anxiety and help with the adhd
Iâve got a couple of recent friends introduce me to the shitshow that is the education department.
legit no wonder thereâs so much youth crime and that, when primary school kids can get away with whatever they want.
the worst part as you allude to, one could be doing something that is actually either helping the student or helping other students from being in danger, yet because you donât follow a certain guideline you can be up for all sorts of charges.
Itâs â â â â â â , I thought working security was bad with the fine line you can walk, teaching though, Iâd actually discourage anyone getting into that profession.