I guess I’d like to get my point across but it’s moreso that it’s a disappointing thing to say to somebody who is that position. Not a big deal and he’s a good guy so I may end up letting the sleeping dog lie.
He and I are both pretty sensible people so I don’t think any course of action I’d take would end badly.
I wonder if being unemployed to take care of a sick relative would be justified?
Would you prefer he censor himself?
I recognise his statement is odd. But it’s much easier to deal with good natured but direct people, willing to offend you than the alternative. The alternative is much much worse.
The fact that he told you directly means he respects you.
There’s plenty of those all or nothing type people about and they’re hard to avoid anyway.
There’s probably something else going on when you get annoyed by it - I dunno. Shrink hat off.
This. It’s ■■■■■■■ hard to do but I basically got taught to count down from ten and almost goad the panic attack (‘alright in ten seconds this is it you’re going to kill me’, that kind of stuff). It sounds a bit cringeworthy but it makes you face them head on.
After a while you sort of train yourself to understand that the panic attack itself can’t seriously harm you, and you realise it’s the fear of the panic attack rather than the thing itself which pushes you over the edge. Face it head on and you stop fearing it.
It takes a weird kind of courage to override that fight or flight response but it worked for me, never needed meds etc. I think it best to talk to someone professional about this approach and not go it alone, and don’t be afraid to say you don’t want meds (it was a last resort for me) if it’s not the way you want to solve it as a first option.
He might be nice but he’s wrong and the question is have for you is, has this person ever done things really tough/had a difficult time in their life? Sounds like that’s unlikely.
Everyone handles ■■■■ differently. For some they need time out, others want the distraction of work to help keep their mind off something that’s really affecting them (idle time makes it worse).
I personally probably wouldn’t bring it up in a way. If I made that statement to you, and then you explained you had been unemployed due to childhood trauma I think I would’ve apologised and probably then elaborated on what I’d meant, and learned some insight from you too (as to why I shouldn’t be so broad and dogmatic in my views).
This person had the chance to do that but doubled down. Seems like you’d be banging your head against a brick wall. Or perhaps they’ll actually bring it up with you after some reflection time and surprise you, but yeah I probably wouldn’t engage if it was me.
Seems it’s a very fine line between showing some backbone and coming across like a giant sook!
It’s probably not worth mentioning and I imagine that as I digest all this over the next couple of days I’ll shrug it off. Even now I know it’s not a big deal.
As soon as you figure this out and believe it you win.
As someone who has never had that issue, the first thing I thought is why would you give a fark what someone else thought. It is not like you are doing anything wrong, as taking time to get your head and body right makes complete sense.
Surprisingly I have many longterm friends and we put up with each others character flaws, as we are friends who love and respect each other, and understand that perfection doesn’t exist.
If this person is the fine upstanding human you admire, then share your feelings and endeavour to reach a mutual understanding. If that falls over, then tell them to fark off, and find a new friend. I am happy to have a beer with anyone who supports the Bombers.
Yep. If I was choosing words I’d have said a lack of purpose is a waste of life or something with more depth.
If you’re in need of healing you need to rest. If you need a clear headspace and wish to change direction people need to pause.
Your mate can do the equivalent if you like of “stacking shelves” or “shuffling paper” for the rest of his life.
Purpose is how you need to think of life. Thats how I think of it.
Reckon it will hold me in good stead whether I’m working, retired, in between jobs or just unwell.
Heck even a vacation I need a purpose. Even if that purpose is to catch some rays, read a book or choose to sleep in til noon.
Good post, thanks for contributing.
I said earlier on that it was somewhat about expressing a boundary. Maybe it’s less about expressing a boundary and more about engaging in a mutually beneficial exchange of ideas.
Why would I give a fark what other people think? Simple; I’ve got a problem. Got a mental health issue? Then you probably care too much what others think.
Mentally healthy, emotionally well adjusted people are hardly bothered by stuff like this, if at all. Currently, I’m not there yet, hence the time off work to improve other aspects of life.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not crying myself to sleep at night but I did feel that apart from being factually incorrect, it wasn’t the sort of thing you’d say to a person in that situation.
We all have friends who are dikkheads, and in my case he has been a friend for about 60 years. He would say something like your friend did and I would tell him what I thought and we would work it out. I have come close to smacking him, but never have, and he is only a little bloke so I reckon I have his measure. He is a Bomber supporter and we have drunk a lot of beer together.
My only advice if you have mental health challenges is to find a good therapist to talk with. Mrs Fox is a star and while I am not one of her patients, I get random advice regularly. If you need a good one in your area, let me know the general region and I will ask her, and send a PM.
I don’t like talking about the linked reply, but this I feel is necessary.
Recently we’ve come to know why our son passed away suddenly in 2021. Genetic testing was performed at the time and the results were withheld from us until very recently. That’s another story.
The testing revealed I have a ■■■■■■ up gene that I pass onto 50% of my offspring. I’m meant to get regular checks every 6 months to prevent just croaking suddenly. More importantly, so do my kids.
I think getting your genes checked out and those of your kids, is as important as getting your skin checked. Had I known this information with my first born, another bomber supporter would probably be alive today. My other kids are getting checked out now.
I’ve done it with all my kids. Once post birth and two pre.
Hi Y’all.
Hope you’ve all been well and keeping busy with the things you’d like to do.
As for me, well I had to go back a bit to see what was the last entry. So between now and then what have I been up to. Well for my birthday, Christmas and new years I was away on holidays. Convinced mum and my brother to join me over there as we kind of all agreed it would be hard to be home that Christmas. Although dad always left it to mum to buy all the presents, he was certainly the one who ‘directed’ the locations of the decorations.
First week away was very much mixed feelings. Like I didn’t ‘deserve’ the holiday. Like it was a feeling of running away again which was kind of odd as you also always remember the dumb things you’d send to mum and dad, like a photo of a massive tuna or something we’d make a silly joke about. My last trip away I had visited a lot of temples and prayed to anyone that would listen. I needed that miracle but it never came. However part of me nagged that this would be a thank you tour in the end. I don’t know, maybe they granted part of my wish and gave me an extra whole year… Took me close to the end of the holiday though before I was brave enough to step up and make that prayer of thanks. It really hurt and when done I wanted to leave the temple straight away. I went again at new years which was the tradition there. I asked for strength, health and peace within. I asked for family to be looked after. I asked for some lasting peace in the world.
You can also get your fortune ‘told’. Basically you pick a straw with a number, go to that box, pick a paper out and that’s your fortune. It said if i work hard at what i love i will be rewarded for it. This was considered excellent luck. Somehow… I had carried my last fortune with me always in my wallet which stated I should trust those opinions whose expertise will guide you through difficult times.
So was it good for mum, my bro and me to have some time together. We’d rarely done that since dad had passed. We shopped, we toured, we ate, we drank, we shopped some more. We missed dad but we thought of him often.
Coming home was hard as well. It was like returning to a past life. One where everything was abandoned. One where I didn’t know what lay ahead. I’ve been so pre-occupied with one thing it sort of was like what the hell did I actually do before. Before felt like so long ago, but it still felt like yesterday when dad was around.
I have been down. I’ve been looking for something to give me that spark. I felt guilty when I ‘wasted time’. Down time was stressing me out, doing stuff was leaving me exhausted. It was a terrible sensation. Wanting, needing, guilting, darkness, doing, repeating. I have tried some of the things I love to do again. I took a lot of photos in Japan but haven’t edited them properly yet. I open the photos and it just doesn’t feel right. Like my photos are moody, reflecting how I feel.
Normally I go visit dad when i’m feeling down. I have a chat to him at the cemetery. Let it all out and as I leave I feel a sense of relief. For the first time I left with nothing. I knew there was no blaming dad. It was me this time and now I was really feeling lost and somehow abandoned.
So off to the physiologist to have a chat. It had been about three months since the last visit and I started listening closer to my words and realising perhaps what I thought was something new was actually something of a previous habit. Was reminded again that needing to find that answer immediately was perhaps not best. Is what i’m doing good for myself? Obviously it was a no. The final advice was to continue to be kinder to myself. I tend to be the person who judges myself harshly. I person who doesn’t celebrate reaching a milestone but immediately pushes on to higher goals.
I will also see my regular GP as well soon. I think it’s time to review the antidepressants. It’s hard to describe but sometimes you want to get stuff out but you can almost feel like there is something pressing inside your head. Pushing it all down. Resisting. Not sure if anyone else has had that feeling. Maybe a change or maybe time to come off. We’ll see what she has to say.
Besides all that the anniversary of dad’s passing approaches. Will be harder and harder as the worst of it starts from about now. The bad scans, the bad news, the trips in and out of hospital until the end. So many memories, and so many things that suddenly re-appear that you had thought you’d forgotten about.
I don’t have anyone in real life I can share this with as no one can relate. If anyone on blitz wants to share i’d appreciate it. Privately if you wish.
Thanks again for reading.
Have a great day 
Side Story:
Mum’s been rearranging finances as this stuff took ages for things to settle and mum got a new credit card. She was sent her pin number and it was six digits. What do you think are the odds of the randomly assigned pin number being dad’s date of birth? I mean DDMMYY. Oh and before you think, oh the bank must’ve done that, I doubt it. Different bank.
Literally one in a million.
Show off…
It is a curious point of human nature that we are quick to share happiness, but reluctant to share personal pain. I appreciate the journey you have taken us along. Giving us intimate glimpses of your sense of loss and finding direction.
Anyone been on Fluoxetine and have any observations about it? I have a child that has just been prescribed it.
I have, it’s Prozac. Less side effects than Zoloft and longer acting (slow release) so if you miss a dose (which kids and adolescents have a tendency to do)it’s less of a problem.
I have an anxiety disorder and a history of suicide my family. I’ve found it to be an very effective med, along with talk therapy and other things.
Thanks for sharing.
It hasn’t come as a total shock, but we were expecting an ADHD diagnosis, rather than depression and an anxiety.
We’re very lucky that our child is good at being open and talking about how they feel/where their thoughts are at. They have a wonderful therapist and although we’re not married anymore both parents (and our partners) are supportive and mostly helpful.
Yep - our little fella (12yo) went on it 8 months ago with vey bad anxiety (stay in the house forever).
Has helped him a lot. I was very reluctant for years to medicate him. Feels like a big decision.