The mental health thread

Yes I‘ve been the same before. Whenever you have something bad happen to you and you try to think of something positive you can‘t. Negativity is such an easy trap to fall into. And it‘s very hard to get out of.

It‘s horrible when you‘re away somewhere doing something you enjoy and you can‘t feel happy and all you feel is pain

Speaking out is always the best way to let out our believe as humans we’re too nervous to say how we‘re feeling because we don‘t want to be seen as cowardly and weak.

I‘ve tried saying how I feel to friends in the past if I‘ve been upset but some of them don‘t understand it mainly because they don‘t understand mental health and therefore I have felt like not speaking out even to my parents in the past about my feelings but if you want to be a good mate you have to be patient and understanding and allow them time to speak their feelings.

Luckily we have our page on blitz to speak out when things aren‘t going our way full of understanding and caring people on here to make us feel better we’re always here for each other that’s what makes this page special. Thank you for sharing and I hope you feel better soon.

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Very well said.

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This will probably be a rambling post, as my thoughts aren’t well organised. I think this thread is probably the right place to post this.

I had occasion to visit Wim’s workplace last night. My Mum had a seizure yesterday, and is now in a medically induced coma, and on a breathing machine.

Initially the paramedics thought she’d had a stroke, which is what Dad told me when he called me yesterday afternoon. Last night, the hospital staff said her heart seems to be good, and she didn’t have any brain bleeds, and they couldn’t find any clots, but they found a large mass in her right temporal lobe, which could be the cause of her seizure, or a result of it. Though cause seems more likely.

She was moved last night to the Austin. They had an ICU bed spare, and they are one of only 2 hospitals with a neurosurgical team, for what may come next. We were very lucky to be able to get her to a hospital with expertise in the right area, and we also managed to gat a quick booking with the state’s only Adult Retrieval Vehicle to move her, which was also lucky. And when Dad initially called 000, the ambulance happened to be driving close by, and was there within minutes. A week ago, my parents were up in the highlands of Tasmania, and an ambulance could have taken hours to respond, and hours to get her to a hospital. They were only over here for a few days, to attend a wedding, so we’ve been pretty fortunate in many ways so far.

We will find out more in the next day or two about how much brain damage has been done due to the seizure, and what surgical options there are, if any, for her. Dad has several degenerative health issues, and one will take him out at some stage, but he’s responded to treatment very well, and has already lived several years longer than initially expected when he got his cancer diagnosis. He is in relatively good health currently. He’s mentally alert, and mobile, but Mum was his carer, and he needs a reasonable amount of care ongoing, as well as medical appointments etc. He had already stopped driving a couple of years ago, and regardless of the final outcome with Mum, she won’t be driving after this, so we’ll need to organise this ongoing.

My sister and her boyfriend have adopted the caravan life over the last few years. He makes a living playing pub gigs and weddings/events, and can get work anywhere he goes, and my sister is a therapeutic masseur, so can also get work wherever they travel. She recently had a fall and suffered a lower spinal injury. She’s mostly better, mobile, and doesn’t have too much pain, but isn’t well enough to massage for an income currently. They had just returned to Victoria from Queensland, so the timing is perfect for them to look after Dad at his place currently.

I have a pretty good relationship with my parents, though I’ve had conflicts with my Mum over some things over the years. They are both Bombers supporters, as are my 3 kids, and my brother and his kids. I take my parents, my kids and another friend who’s a Bombers supporter along to most home games, and some away games in Melbourne, and when some of us can’t make it along to our group of 7 seats, my brother and his kids or other Bombers friends often join the rest of us.

My youngest has turned 18, and we still have all 3 kids living at home, and we’ve been planning a family trip to Europe, while we have some money set aside, and still have the opportunity to travel together. Our kids haven’t travelled overseas a whole lot yet. They all have casual employment currently, and are holding off on finding full time jobs again until after the trip. We are talking with 2 travel agents this morning, about putting a package together for us from July, for a couple of months away. Now, all of a sudden, I don’t know how this all works around what will be an increased need for our input into care of at least Dad, or Mum and Dad, over that time. I’m sure my brother and sister will also be supportive of our parents, but my brother gets busy running his own business, and my sister can’t realistically look after them forever.

Obviously there are too many unknowns at this point to even make concrete plans, so I’m sad, anxious, and a bit conflicted, and there’s not enough information to get beyond that at the moment. I’m sharing here, because it’s a supportive place, and I need an outlet to put my thoughts down.

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Sounds like the family travel plans will need to be put on hold for a while at least. There isn’t a lot you can do for now, until the medical picture for your mum becomes clearer. In the meantime you and your siblings need to meet to work out a sustainable action plan for going forward, that includes investigating to find out what support services will be available.

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Perhaps they will. But the kids can’t avoid full time employment forever, and if we don’t go when planned, we may not ever have another opportunity where all the kids are free, so it’s more likely we go or the whole thing gets scrapped.

And I’ll probably feel guilty either way.

How long is your holiday? Sounds like you have support for you to travel as planned and come back and pick up the caring duties as needed.

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We’re planning around 9 weeks from mid July.

EDIT: And yes, depending on outcome with Mum, my siblings are also pretty supportive.

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This all happened last night. your probably still in shock
Had you already arranged an appointment to go and see travel agent?
or were you planning to in next few weeks?
How much will fares raise if you delay booking it.
I would probably give it 2 weeks to let the dust settle and decide to book it or not.

It does sound like a great opportunity to go, and you could all travel as a family overseas one day, but probably not for like 9 weeks as you said you could do now.

If everyone involved is still keen to go and parents give their blessing then you shouldn’t feel guilty. You will be creating memories for a lifetime.

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We already have the appointment for today. This is just the first conversation, so there will be many back and forth’s before we actually book anything. We’re just giving an outline and getting responses.

It’s just that it feels at odds with what’s going on with Mum.

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Update - Mum has tried to wake up a couple of times, but tried to pull tubes out, so was re-sedated. However, she responded to requests to squeeze, blink, stick out tongue. All good signs.

They may let her come off sedation over the weekend.

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Mum has been off the ventilator for 24 hours, and is now speaking and interacting with us normally.

The neurosurgeon talked with us all this morning, and Mum was told that she has a mass in her brain which they believe is cancer, and they are able to do a biopsy tomorrow morning.

They should have results of the biopsy within a couple of days, and they’re looking at Mum being back at home by the end of the week.

The cancer is too deep in the brain to be removable, so once we have a diagnosis, they’ll go over options for treatment. Without treatment, she would be expected to have months at most.

So we wait and see what comes next.

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Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.

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My heart goes out to you and your family right now. You feel so helpless but the only thing you can really count on is the word of the doctors involved.

Honestly the only real thing you can do is make sure your mum has what she needs (be it stuff from home or someone being with her while in hospital) and for yourself to arrange your own personal timetable to ensure when you are needed you are ready to go so to speak.

Your parents probably will qualify for some home help. I believe it’s the local council you need to contact for them to make an assessment to let you know what services they can offer. For my mum for example she gets a cleaner for an hour once a fortnight and a couple of taxi trips a week (helps to get to doctors if needed).

Don’t be afraid to ask for some time for yourself as well. Sometimes you just need an hour to sort your head out so then you can continue being the rock that you are.

Best of luck.

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Thanks Soul.

We have had 2 ED nurses from 2 different hospitals both say that where we are is the best place we could be for neurosurgery.

We had a bit of a hiccup yesterday when my sister was feeling like her heart was racing a little. Her ECG showed ischaemia. I ended up downstairs with her in emergency instead of upstairs with Mum. Fortunately, blood tests for heart damage and blood clots, and scans for ischaemia came back clean. So probably just hypertension plus stress. Hopefully the cardiologist clears her tomorrow morning.

So far, my boss has been pretty good, telling me to take whatever time I need.

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Hi all, no update today, just random thoughts and notes while I’m sitting here with dad.

Its a day where standing in the sun is quite hot but dad has some cool shade with the native miniature tree and a cool breeze complimented by the water and fountains going strong.

I kind of sit here today looking around and seeing dad has quite a few new neighbours. All would have their own stories to tell. Their loved ones left behind. Hoping perhaps they go to the next place or happy to become part of the universe again.

My story wouldn’t be very different. Of course they would also feel the pain of losing a loved one. Of course their dad is the best dad in the world too. Who am I to argue with them.

Time never stops though and you have the remind of the grass slowly taking over the bare earth. Soon to fully take over and before you know it there is only the olaque to tell you where he is.

I still have all the emotions from before. The anger of dad being taken, the sense of helplessness, the sense of not knowing if I did enough, the sense that perhaps I wasted some years because of silly things and avoided them.

Maybe hardest at times is mum doesn’t really want to talk about dad, or when she does it was always at the hardest moments. Messages like dad went to hospital today last year. Hard to read things like this when it was his last day at home. We never know when our last moment may be.

I try hard to remember what he may have done in a situation or something silly he would say. Try to think back to moments of joy when the sadness wants to make that unwelcomed appearance again.

It still hurts me deeply knowing how brave a face dad has to have put on. Only later did we realise how close dad was to the end. We try to keep things positive during those chemo sessions that dads just suffering from the chemo. Little did we know that the cancer was well and truly winning. Did we brush him off too easily trying to keep up that positiveness when the inevitable was going to happen?

But see, that’s a sad thing to think. Really I should be thinking of what he said during the hardest of times. “What for” he would proclaim loudly, as he would find the notion of us worrying about something as the most ridiculous thing ever. I’m worried, what for? Even closer to the end he wanted us to not look back, not to miss him and to look after each other.

Brave brave man.

I also looked up to the night sky for the first time in a while. Instantly reminded of dads last few days at home where he would sit on the edge of his bed looking out at the stars all night as he couldn’t sleep. I still remember the night he dragged me out to ask about what he was seeing. It was the first time he’d ever ask me about astronomy. He knew I loved the stars and even his oncologist had a long chat to me about star photography cause dad loves to brag about ‘his boys’ (my brother included). I do cherish that small moment. I laugh that he thought that the moving satellites were aliens. I somber thinking of him realising he didn’t have much time left.

So yeah, I’ll stop here now my eyes are full of tears again. Dad probably will tell me off. What for?

Cheers.

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I have been under a fair amount of stress from multiple directions for the last few years. I have always hidden it as well as I could but as a result of undiagnosed medical issues, cracks have well and truly appeared. I believe it has now manifested itself in the following way.

I now have an irrational fear that I will be/or have been bitten by a snake. Even when logically I am 100% sure it hasnt happened. I then watch the clock almost frantically for the next few hours waiting for symptoms to appear.

It has impacted my every day life and I feel terrible that I cant do what I used to/need to around the house. We are on a mostly bushy, acreage block.

I am on anxiety meds and have been seeing a hypnotherapist. Sometimes I think I am doing better. Today is not one of those days.

I dont know where else to turn or what else to try.

Any suggestions? I am open to anything if it helps me be the man I want to be for my family, and myself.

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Sorry I’m not qualified to advise. My experience may not be relevant or applicable to your situation, but perhaps some could be in the sense that it could be adapted to managing.

The best advice I got in long rehab from a physical injury and later physical health problems ( which affected me psychologically ) was to set targets, but not to despair if I didn’t reach them within time frames, also not to be afraid of asking for all help available. I found the primary health carer, the GP and nurses , fantastic in their empathy and in identifying more specialist help ( including a social worker).
I also found that when I was physically capable, working in the garden, growing new plants and setting up a bird bath , more bird feeders, were great for my my mental balance. Also of course pets.

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Sorry to delve into the past but did you use to be involved in the snake catching business?

If so it may be a rational fear?

But not the clock watching/wondering

Sounds a bit like me wondering if I locked up the door at work before leaving when I would have checked it.

Obviously your worries are a lot more pressing.

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Yep. Snake catching is still my 2nd job but I have an employee who has been taking all the catches for the last couple of months.

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Only thing I can suggest is talk to your gp and maybe get a referral to see a psychologist. It might not even be a fear of snakes but maybe what the snake bite represents? What if scenario.

Don’t be afraid of seeing a psychologist. It’s just a chat and not in the TV style!

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