Thanks Tim. You look at other fathers and just assume they are bulletproof, but alot of us are all thinking the same thing, wanting to do right by those we care about.
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Yeah, I forget this, itâs like Iâm trying to do everything perfect right away, trying to live up this image Iâve made in my mind of a father that provides, is available and follows his passions. making all these decisions and changes and Iâm not reminding myself that of course itâs going to come with stress, and I need to be easy on myself⌠Thanks Paul.
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Good job blitz!
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I just wanted to share an incident with you all that occured to me last Thursday morning in the hope that it can help someone, or it might encourage you to think differently about what you might do in a similar situation.
At 6am on Thursday morning, I was on the train commuting on my way to work. Shortly after I got on, and alone bar one old lady in the carriage, I was approached by a man clearly under the influence of drugs, or mentally unwell (or a combination of both). He proceeded to ask me âDid you say something to me â â â â ?â - then proceeded to intimidate me for the next 20 minutes by sitting next to me, then moving up and down the stairs whilst staring me down and generally making me feel extremely uncomfortable.
After 20 minutes of this, I made the decision to move carriages. I got out of my seat, grabbed my bags and moved to the front of the carriage and stood in front of the doors to exit the carriage at the next stop. In a split second, the man appeared at my side and told me to âget the â â â â back downstairsâ - he repeated this a few times, and also pulled down his jacket, revealing a weapon, being a thick 30-40cm metal tool of some kind. Now, I had a decision to make, either make a run for it, and potentially isolate myself with this man, or comply and head back downstairs to try and talk him around, or at the least, surround myself with people who might be able to help or witness what was about to go down.
I made the decision to follow his instructions and head downstairs and sat back in a seat. From here, things escalated and he began telling me he was going to kill me, brandishing the weapon. He also punched me in the face at one stage (though it was a very weak punch and barely connected) - however, despite this, I knew if he had escalated to the point of using his fists, then it was likely only a matter of time before he started using the weapon. I made the decision to take my chances and run to the back of the train, in the hope of trying to find a guard or the guards carriage, or safety button.
The man (fortunately, and for whatever reason) decided to only half-follow me to the back of the train, and although I found a guards carriage, it was un-manned. Fortunately, there were also an emergency help button in the same carriage, so I pushed it and told the other end that I was being attacked by a man with a weapon. The train remained stationary, and shortly thereafter a guard came down (walking past the offender, who was still popping in and out of the carriage, debating whether to follow me or not). The guard locked me in the empty guards carriage and the man was eventually caught by the police outside the train station after the guards called the police. I was finally safe and knew I would make it home to my family that day.
After the incident, I gave my statement to the police. I also found out that not one other commuter on that carriage (20+ people) were willing to make a statement after the event, nor did anybody call the police during the incident. It was only the train guards that called it in after I had notified them. Upon reflection, I also realised that at no stage did anybody themselves push an emergency button, or try to get the attention of the guards on the train. I understand people were scared, but the offender only had eyes for me. I easily could have been bludgeoned to death on that trip if things went differently, and the fact that I had to save myself in the end, without any help from the public was incredibly disappointing in the end.
I am doing well all things considered 
. Was pretty shaken up on Thursday, but recounting the story to friends and family, talking to the police and understanding this manâs mental health state, and also understanding that this was a freak âwrong place wrong timeâ incident has been helpful - though, I will now be much more wary about where I sit on trains, who gets on the train, and taking the correct actions to help myself, but also, importantly what I would do if I see someone else being put under those circumstances - and j would implore you to all do the same.
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Iâm sorry to hear man. Wasnt sure which direction your story was going until the end as I thought there was just the one passenger on the train. I would like to say I would have pushed the red emergency button but until youâre in those circumstances, sometimes you panic and dont do what you would do under other normal circumstances. Glad to hear youâre OK.
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That is absolutely terrifying. I hope nobody here ever has to go through anything like that.
I am disappointed but not entirely surprised that nobody seemed to help; I suppose the first instinct of most people in a situation like that go into self-preservation mode. Thatâs pretty upsetting. I feel like with all the hotlines and help numbers that are available to call/text these days that it wouldnât require that much effort or personal inconvenience to at least report an incident like this silently and anonymously⌠but itâs also easy to say that from a keyboard.
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It â â â â â â â â â â â â me the rise of bystander effect. Someone else will do something.
@Scintilla i hope youâre ok. Sounds like you have good support around you as you work through it.
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Thank you @Heffsgirl!
Itâs a month today that life-support was switched off and Katie died. Itâs been quite the journey! We wake up each morning quite desolate as we realise afresh that our Katie is not going to walk down the passage past our bedroom, or swoon over our golden retriever as she arrives after work. The poor dog has had to go on anti-anxieties to cope with the loss.
Weâve found sharing with close friends a bit more difficult of late, but we stagger these more emotional events carefully, so that we can best care for the ourselves and those reaching out.
Weâve started reading a C.S.Lewis book, A Grief Observed, a small but insightful reflection written after the death of Lewisâs wife. Weâve become aware that some are feeling embarrassed, unsure what to say or do for people in our situation. We need to care for those caught in this situation. Also, Lewis describes how grief puts a blanket over all of lifeâs joys; weâve noticed that too.
The better half and I are going to Mooloolaba in July for a month to celebrate her 60th birthday. The kids are flying up to be with us for some of that time. Thatâll be good; itâs a place we regularly visit and its weather is nicer, the scenery delightful and there is no hustle and bustle to speak of.
Church has been wonderfully caring and weâre about to rejoin activities there, so thatâs good too.
We feel sad, but loved.
Thank you again for reaching out!
Derek
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Thanks mate. Yeah Iâm OK and with my support network I am, and will be fine - and I hope the offender gets the help he needs, but also that there are consequences for his actions.
I completely understand why people may not have been able to help, it was a â â â â â â â scary situation. I wasnât looking for a âtackle and disarm heroâ or anything like that, but a push of a button, a 000 phone call or at the least a statement would have been nice. I guess it just made me self-reflect - would I have done the same in the same situation? I probably couldnât say hand on heart that I would have before Thursday, but I know after my experience that I would now.
Just one to throw out there to make people think I guess.
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Thank you for sharing it must be difficult.
I do hope you find some comfort in knowing people are thinking of you and offering support.
Iâm not sure what to say, so apologies in advance if I offend; sounds like your beautiful daughter made a lasting impact on so many. I hope sheâs at peace.
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This is such a good line. Iâve discussed this with mum a lot. You feel like oh this person said theyâd call or catch up but when would the person ever be in the right mood to do so, knowing there would be discomfort for themselves but also not wanting to say something to trigger the other.
It can be an act of kindness if someone doesnât call cause they donât know if what they say will upset you.
Thank you! We are very confident she is at peace.
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Yes indeed. Timing too is everything. Some are only now, a month after Kateâs death, reaching out. These folk knew how raw it was in the first few weeks and wanted to delay their kindness until after the Thanksgiving service and committal. That too has been a blessing to us.
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Geez that sounds terrifying.
Itâs hard to imagine what you would do until your in that situation.
I would always attempt to run if given the chance. But on a train you are trapped, and as you said could isolate yourself.
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Not all of us can run a sub 19 minute 5km like you though 
, just trying to lighten the mood of course. 
Thatâs a horrible experience you went through. Glad to hear it worked out ok in the end. Iâve seen plenty of YouTube videos where this sort of thing happens in the US and some unassuming bystander jumps in and chokes them out before calmly walking away.
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Thanks everyone for the well wishes - it was certainly a scary situation to be in! However, Iâm back on the train this morning / tonight as I had my last day of work in my current job. I contemplated driving in, but I wanted to get back on the horse. Glad I did!
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Well done.
If i had been on the train Iâd have done something.
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Good on you. As I mentioned, before last Thursday, Iâm not sure if I would have done something, but I truly believe the purpose of my experience was to teach me a lesson (and maybe make others think twice about what they would do too).
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