That’s great news, but obviously only the beginning.
Good luck…
Don’t let it stop you posting what’s up though. What you’re going through isn’t invalidated by what someone else is dealing with.
My Mum died in October last year after a brief… I guess I wouldn’t call it a fight… period… with glioblastoma brain cancer.
Dad moved from their house into the same nursing home Mum was in, a few months before she died, because living on his own with late stage prostate cancer had become too much for him. And he wanted to be near Mum.
He’s in hospital again after only being in there 3 weeks ago for radiotherapy treatment on a painful area of bone from the bone metastases.
This time, they say there’s no point in radiotherapy. It has been through his bones for a couple of years or more, but now it’s right through his spine as well. So he’ll have to be on increased pain meds, which means he’ll be sleepier, slower thinking than he already is, and his appetite will reduce further. He was already not eating enough to keep his weight up.
We’ve been told he’s not in the dying stages yet, so he can be kept comfortable for a period before then. Not really sure whether we’re talking weeks or months, but not long. Because advanced prostate cancer tends to manifest in the bones, they become weaker over time, until it also affects the marrow, when they become very susceptible to infection, and often pneumonia knocks them off.
I found the mental toll of caring for Mum over a 7.5 month period while watching her degrade week by week tough. And by the time she passed away, I inherited all the paperwork and practical work needed to get Dad permanently admitted to the nursing home and get his finances sorted, including preparing and selling his favourite place in the world, a shack in the Tassie highlands, to pay down the nursing home deposit. My parent’s home is being prepared to go on the market in September, supposedly to pay the rest of the deposit. Though that is probably not needed now.
About a month ago was the first time I visited Dad where it was purely to see him, instead of being there to take care of something or another that was needed. Even though I’d been there at least a couple of times a week since August.
I find it sad that so much of this time has been ticking boxes instead of purely time with him. However, I was still able to bring him food and enjoy lunch with him most times. And I did get to take him one last time from the nursing home, to his shack in Tassie, with my wife’s help, late last year, as we met with an agent to put it on the market.
We still have a little time left with him. The final pages in his life haven’t yet been written. But it seems pretty bleak, and all I feel is an overwhelming sadness. Which makes it difficult to enjoy the time I have left.
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Gosh that would be hard to go through. My mum’s end of life instructions are to “take me out the back paddock and shoot me”
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My Grandad’s instructions to everyone were to put him in a large hessian sack and bury him under a tree.
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I’ll continue the current theme of levity with this…
I often tell my now 23yo son that when the time comes, I need him to kick the cord out of the wall socket.
Jokingly adding that he won’t be strong enough to do it though.
I like dark humour.
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Very sorry to hear and condolences
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Two and a half years later I still look back and think what else I could have done, did I do enough, did dad pass peacefully. I will never know, I shouldn’t dwell on it, I shouldn’t feel guilt about it now. I didn’t have the courage to ask then, afterall who wants to talk about the future when the inevitable comes.
It still hurts me so much knowing I won’t ever know. Maybe in the future when it’s my turn I’ll get an answer.
Guess I’m saying glu is don’t feel bad going about thinking like a checklist. You’ll have a long time thinking later about what else you could’ve done to add to it, even though you did the best you could at the time.
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@Soulnet it was obvious from your posts at the time that you did everything you could. It doesn’t feel that long ago either.
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Nearly three and a half weeks since I’ve step outside my house. Fought myself hard to do it. I’m typing as I’m walking. I’ve had very hard thoughts lately that the cancer took the wrong person. My head is so messed up.
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well done taking the steps.
Blitz is behind you.
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Cancer doesn’t discriminate; it takes the good and the bad in equal measure, something you have no say in. Stop wishing self-harm on yourself, it isn’t right. Next time you go for a walk, and make it soon, take a dog with you. If you don’t have a dog, borrow one, it will make you feel better. Dogs have but one purpose in life, to make us feel happy.
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It’s not as if I want to die or will die on purpose. It’s more perhaps that I look around and wonder what may have been. The fact I will like everything continues to be a struggle makes me wonder if the other person would’ve done more with what they have right now.
My mind still feels as sharp and working as it has ever been but emotions don’t give a fark about facts.
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I’m sure you dad would have wanted you to experience your life in every way you can.
Having anxiety about leaving the house, can happen to lots of people, for lots of reasons.
Just need to take slow steps to increase your exposure therapy get back out there.
Agree with CJ’s Dogs are great. As takes focus off yourself onto something that gives you unconditional love.
They also open the gates to connections with other people, even just small talk.
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Mum tells me it would break dads heart to see me like this. It kinda stings.
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If you need someone to walk with, I am available.
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I didn’t realise it at the time 5 years ago when I got my first dog, post-divorce, that they’re such a good motivator as well as loyal companions. I’d feel guilty if I didn’t walk him at least once every day, so this gets me out on some days where I probably otherwise wouldn’t.
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Richard Stubbs used to say this. If you’re sad, get a dog. If you’re overweight, get a dog. If you have trouble meeting new people, get a dog.
My wife is very allergic to dogs, so it hasn’t been an option for us. Unusually, there are a few breeds of cats she’s hardly allergic to at all, so they’ve been our pets.
I do like cats. All ours except one have been very interactive and affectionate. Our first one was much like a dog. It needed you all the time, didn’t get sick of affection even after hours, and went for a walk with us on a leash, or draped around shoulders while doing housework. Several friends who were dog people genuinely offered to buy her from us.
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You’re a parent, right? All parents want the best for their kids. I’m sure your Mum does too, and didn’t mean her comment to hurt you.
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Not a parent.
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Over the last 40+ years, whenever l have had a dog, l have walked it 3 times a day. In Thailand when l had up to 40 pupparoos l walked them twice a day. I used to load up the Ford Everest and do 2 different trips to the local beach early in the morning, little ones first and then the big ones. And yes, if anyone wants to know it was chaotic, and l loved every minute of it. (Perhaps l should have posted this in the Dog thread.) At that time of the morning (6ish), having the beach largely to myself and the pupparoos, allowed me to relax and get some sand between my toes.
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