Tiffany at Tullamarine Training

Tiffany at Tullamarine Training.

There’s something SPECIAL about Saturday morning training that harks back to watching training decades ago at Windy Hill and perhaps even further to watching training at the East Melbourne ground or McCracken’s Paddock.

What may you ask?

Well a simple thing really – unlike training during the week, it is almost exclusively blokes. In fact, one is tempted to add, blokes escaping from their wives!

Why might you ask?

The administration building, the Bomber Shop and the café are all closed which means no toilets for a three- hour session. Men have that evolutionary advantage of vertical peeing behind a tree, a shed or a shipping container.

I was idly contemplating this flimsy vestige of male superiority when a restless buzz among my fellow Blitzers, accompanied by a turning of heads and a craning of necks , turned my attention to the passage between the two ovals and Iwas greeted by the sight of Tiffany in full sail heading towards the eminent group of Blitzers leaning against the fence on the wing. Even the three swallows who seemed to have replaced the wagtails paused in their flitting flight and general showing off to ■■■■ their heads to one side, beady eyes examining the sight before them…

Tiffany was a vision of loveliness in a pink halter top sunsuit and pink high heels in the recent tradition of the Barbie movie which she had dragged me to. There’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back, but what can you do?

It’s a while since Tiff’s been to training so there were smiles all round as she unselfconsciously did a little twirl before planting one on my cheek. I was pleased of course, but also slightly apprehensive.

Why might you ask?

Well, as those single men among you are aware this is a leap year which, like Sadie Hawkins Day, puts marital pressures on those of us who are unattached.

Enough scene setting – Tiffany knows a lot about football and launched straight into her thoughts on the big questions of the day which were exercising the not inconsiderable cranial powers of the Blitzers leaning on the fence.

  1. What is our best 22. (and should Martin play in defence.)

  2. What to do with Cox.

  3. Are we training better than in previous years indicating a light on the horizon?

Jackie you should stop beating your brains out over whose in the midfield and Weiderman forward or back. There’s a new perspective that you need to master…Oooh, look at Caddy, he’s an Adonis…

Are you saying he looks Greek?

(At this point Tiffany punched me on the arm.)

No, stupid. I’m just thinking how well we would look together with his blonde crewcut and my barbie outfit.

You said something about a new perspective…

Yes. Look at the rehab group, count them.

Three. Draper, Shiel and Wanganeen?

Exactly. We’re not used to such small numbers, therefore it’s very difficult to pick a side with so many choices. That’s not a problem, it’s a positive, so stow your angst.

Well what do we do with Cox?

I’m so glad you avoided making some smutty innuendo, said Tiffany, with an approving smile. Again, it’s a question of perspective.

Look at a successful club like Hawthorn or Richmond. They had very good VFL sides and with minimal injuries, and could give younger players lots of VFL games for experience. Remember Gary O’Donnel’s career for instance.

You’re right Tiff, our player development has been crap for years and the VFL programme a disgrace.

Correct Jackie. Don’t worry about trying to fit Cox into our best 22. Give him two years in the VFL to develop and see what emerges. A new perspective – a different approach.

As for the question of how training looks – much more professional, they look fitter and more cohesive and the game plans and drills much more structured. Certainly, there’s a light on the horizon, but a lot of fun has gone out of training.

At this point Stringer who was at the end of a successful ball movement drill marked and with a bow and a spreading of his arms placed the ball on the ground in front of his feet and smiled.

Tiffany observing this said “Perhaps not all the fun, but I do miss the, Windy Hill wheelie bin!


welcome back Tiff!

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Yep Tiffany and Koala, both my prospects list for the next Wives !!!
:sparkling_heart: :sparkling_heart: :sparkling_heart: :sparkling_heart:

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Cheers for New Year’s. Welcome back Jackie and l have missed Tiffany greatly, just don’t let my wife see that. The full complement of training reporters is now present and accounted for.

I think we need to have an award at the end of the season for the best training reporter. I would like it to be called the “Tiff,” in honour of our most esteemed training reporter couple. Nominations to open soon.

I do have one concern however, and it is directly related to football. Shiel’s foot injury is getting into Hird levels of serious. Will he ever make it back?