“You look like the wreck of the Hesperus”, meaning you look like a mess, although I have no idea what the Hesperus is. Some kind of shipwreck, I assume.
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“You look like you lost two bob and found sixpence.”
Said to sad-faced grandkids to their complete bewilderment.
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“If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll find it in the dictionary somewhere between sh.it and syphilis”.
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Wouldn’t shout if a shark bit him that bloke.
Very hard to listen with your mouth open.
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Up and down like a bride’s nightie
Head like the north end of a southbound camel
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That’s been around since Christ played full back for Jerusalem.
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I’m not often wrong but I’m right this time
@tinhillterror 's mum says
when your not feeling well."“you need a good pull thru with a Christmas tree”"
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Dumb as a Box of Rocks.
Always cracked me up that one.
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It’s as dark as a dog’s guts.
Scattered as a mad women’s sh#t.
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If his teeth were the back fence the dog’d get out.
Got teeth like spread toes.
Can eat an apple through a picket fence.
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Who opened their lunch?
Doors open - were you born in a tent
Too many lights on - Do you think it’s Guy Fawkes night
Not worth a brass razoo ; from WW1 soldiers in Egypt)
Bent as a nine bob note.
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If shoes were clues , you’d be barefoot .
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Now, let’s all work together, and do it my way
Not worth / Wouldn’t give ya tuppence.
Drier than a dead dingo’s donger
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Me: Dad, want a beer?
Dad: are frogs waterproof?
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