Steve Hocking in this thread like
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Needs a catchy name, preferably one that allows for alliteration with a sponsor.
THE KMART KICK-ON
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The discrepancy in grounds and playing conditions annoys me.
All matches in July must be played on grounds that are a steaming mud heap, at least in the centre square and goal square.
Extra benefit is that you can stop worrying about clash strips when both sides are caked in mud. (Except for the ever present show pony who somehow manages to keep his shorts totally unsullied)
Not while we’re in a drought, son
Play all games in July on sand instead.
Get rid of Holding the Ball.
Sure a run down from behind in space is awesome. Keep that.
But the silly frees in congestion because of prior is dumb. The best players are trying to take the game on, so let them. Instead people play hot potato which is making footy look rubbish for long periods.
Home team gets full control and decision making on the conditions the game is played in.
Open/close roof, soak the ground, bring in smoke or wind machines, have Meatloaf sing over the speakers whilst the game is in play. Get Cameron Ling to interview opposition players as they run off the ground for interchange break. Shine a bright light on the bench and coaching box so they can’t see what’s going on.
Real home team advantage!
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Introduce relegation
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Remove the AFL (& NRL) tax-free status.
Introduce a levy on tickets to pay for new sporting stadiums rather than politicians doling out money for votes.
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Like tennis: grounds can be grass, hardcourt or clay.
Like cricket: teams tour another team’s grounds for 2-6 Test matches. Team rankings are based on a rolling average.
Like golf: teams don’t play at the same but rather staggered throughout the day. So you team might be up by 60 points but they have played three quarters and the other team two.
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Since we’re not far from manufactured entertainment anyway, each week a team loses they have to vote for one of their teammates to get delisted at the end of the game
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On the ladder, remove the against points and only have the for.
Any team scoring over 100 points gets a premiership point regardless of the result of the game.
Give an additional point for every 100 points a team scores in a game.
Incentive to score and score big, especially near the end of the season.
The umpire who makes the worst decision in a round has to wear a clown mask the following week.
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What about choosing umpires? I know the Eagles already get this but extending it to the rest of the comp?
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I would go one step further - put the umpire in stocks for a day at Fed Square where they can have rotten fruit thrown at them.
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What if we go back to the system of club secretaries arranging games, and not all games needing to be against other afl teams but literally anybody. Then at the end of the year we look at who has the least losses, consult media and public and decide who gets the premiership based on that?
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AFL should scrap the All Australian 40 man squad.
Bring back State Teams and pick your All Australians from them.
AFL needs to introduce a genuine national reserves competition.
AFL needs to introduce relegation
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I was doodling around with this for a while - this seems like a good place to dump it.
First and Foremost
If an umpire does not clearly see an infringement – there is NO INFRINGEMENT. No more making ■■■■ up because you ‘thought’ it happened. Each game will be reviewed, live and/or otherwise. Umpires will need to get their ■■■■ together, because there will be mother-■■■■■■■ repercussions.
Goal & Behinds
Enough of the childish rubbish. Enough of the dancing around the gimped low-res technology systems, umpire interpretations, and schoolyard murky-rules. We’re doing what every other code of sport does. The ball goes in – goal. It doesn’t – play on. Every sport works this way. Billions of people intrinsically understand the concept. Goes in – goal. Hits post and goes in – goal. Hits post and bounces out – play on. NOT FARKING Hard. Stick your watery scoreboard review bullshit up your clacker.
Holding the Ball
What a load of absolute farking rubbish this rule has been over the decades. Let’s break it down a little. What’s it for? It’s so that a player can’t legitimately hang on to the footy and not dispose oif it in the correct way, denying the opposition possession. Understandable. However, we all know that the charade that ensues looks ridiculous. Particularly with the moronic half-wit commentators going on about ‘he needs to look like he’s trying to get rid of it’. Fark those dickheads. Here’s how it works from now on. You’re running with the ball. You get tackled. You fall over. You forfeit the ball to the opposition. That’s it. No stupid fake punching. You either handball or kick it in time, or you are ‘caught’, and the tackler is rewarded. No ‘didn’t have time to get rid of it’. If you’re not going to have time – don’t grab it – punch it, swipe it, kick it, nudge it, move the opposition – anything but hold on to it. Even the spectacularly inept umpires we have should be able to work this one out. ‘Made a Genuine Attempt’ will from now on be a banned phrase, and will be punishable by a kick in the ■■■■■■■ balls.
Deliberate Out of Bounds
For ■■■■■ sake! What a steaming pile of ■■■■ this rule is. “but it curved towards the boundary!” “there was a player close by!” “no, he shanked it!” WHATEVER YOU MORONS! Yes, this is an original sport and it is a beautiful sport. It doesn’t mean that nothing can be changed or it will be ‘ruined’. The system DOES NOT WORK! So cry if you want to, but from now on – last touch it will be. For whatever reason – you handball or kick the ball last before it goes out – opposition gets the kick-in. Indirect ‘touch’ – like a deflection, or the opposition kicking it into you so it can ricochet OOB will not be classified as a ‘last touch’. An umpire throw-in will be made should the ball go out of bounds with no clear ‘last touch’ or an indirect last touch. This will affect two things – players trying to keep the ball in-play, and less FARKING ANTAGONISM!
Head-High Contact
OMFG! What a shambolic piece of tripe! A weak attempt to show concern for the players’ heads. Do it farking properly, or stick it up your ■■■■ you farkin wankers. ‘The Bump’ stays. It’s part of what makes the game spectacular. Any intentional contact above the shoulders, of any force, will result in a player-penalty. Any unintentional contact above the shoulders, of any force – WILL NOT. Head contact after a shoulder-to-shoulder bump? Cool. Be careful out there – it can get rough. Fend-off to the face? Fark you, you’re gone. Who decides what’s intentional or not? Glad you asked. Umpires with brains. If they are not sure – yeah you got it – it didn’t happen. If they make ■■■■ up – they don’t umpire anymore.
Rough Play
This game is rough. That’s the game. Play it or don’t. What won’t be tolerated is intentionally striking, attacking or otherwise deliberately attempting to injure another player without making the ball the primary target. ‘Unduly Rough Play’ will be a catch-all for most of the current bullshit – like ‘fall in the back’, ‘below the knees’, ‘studs-out’, ‘charge’ and so on. If it looks like you tried to hurt someone instead of going for or protecting the ball, it will be penalised. Any strike, of any kind, off the ball, will result in a mandatory game suspension, minimum.
Red Card
Yeah, ■■■■ it. In what sport can you intentionally debilitate an opponent in the first few minutes, and then carry on playing for your team as if nothing happened? And then get rubbed out to advantage a different team newt week? This one, that’s which one. Intentional striking of an opponent who leaves the ground for the match will result in a Red Card. That will be ‘off for the match’, and then followed by the minimum mandatory penalty of a match suspension. Moral of the story – don’t be a ■■■■ – striking will make you miss games.
Contact
Defenders need to be able to defend without being crippled. Body-on-body contact, using weight, leverage, momentum and force, with any part of the body, is allowable. No more ‘hands in the back’, ‘single motion/double motion’, ‘straight arm’ whatever. It’s a contest for the ball and a contest of wiles, wit, skill and strength.
General Umpiring
The ball must be kicked 15m to be a ‘mark’. Umpires to be specifically trained on this so they do not inadvertently award a mark for a ■■■■■■■ 5m kick.
No more 50m penalties. Back to 25m.
There will be no ‘even-ing up’ of games by umpires. No ‘finals umpiring’. No ‘can’t pay that in front of goal’. The rules are the rules, any time, any place, at any stage, for any game, against any team. If an umpire has trouble understanding that, they will be replaced.
Dermie ■■■■■■■ Brereton will be held down and kneed in the nuts every single time a reference to his own playing days is made.
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The 50m line serves no purpose, get rid of it. The goal square serves no purpose, get rid of it. Kickins can be taken from the goal line.
Ruck contests are boring. Mandatory second player from each team must contest each bounce/ball up. Any/all rules against boosts, getting on your teammate’s shoulders etc etc do not apply in ruck contests.
There should be a formal wooden spoon presentation ceremony at half time in the grand final. Captain, coach(es), and club ceo/chairman of the spoon club must attend or be deregistered.
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