Lid on 2018 - have we gone to soon? Nervously hanging out for Friday


You just know this season ends with a Sunday Twilight loss to half strength freo at Etihad.


Totally inspirational, brilliant. And Anh is a very talented and clever bloke.


What the ■■■■ is wrong with our team?? Who the hell could have any issue with the X tweet. It was the ■■■■■■■ truth.

I say delist-trade any player who is that mentally weak. I’m serious. (well except for Zerrett. he is my fav).


Softer than butter. Not just the team, the whole ■■■■■■ club. The rebuild people talk about needs to happen from the ground up.


I’ve just returned from a brief trip to the year 2047 and here’s a brief summary of my findings.

There are now 20 teams in the ACFL - Australian & Chinese Football League.

The Western Bulldogs are now the Eastern Bullfrogs and play the majority of their home games in Guangzhou.

Port Adelaide have re-named to the Port Pandas which suits them better as they are regarded as the softest team.

North Melbourne folded in the year 2029 after going 3 seasons without a victory. They attempted to become the North Korea Kangaroos in 2028 after Wayne Carey met with Kim Jong Un II thanks to his associate Dennis Rodman. The deal was signed, the bare concrete stadium with no seats for up to 1,000 fans built and ready to go. But it fell through at the last minute after Carey was allegedly caught flirting with Mrs Un.

Carlton was fined 20 million dollars for tampering with the draft in 2024 under the ‘AFL cloning rules’. Two past players from the 1987 and 1995 premiership sides were found guilty of cloning themselves after an Adelaide hospital investigated 2 babies born with thick mullets in the same hospital.

Eddie McGuire is still Collingwood president and has re-hired Nathan Buckley as head coach on 3 separate occasions. Eddie is currently building a Collingwood training and membership facility on Mars. He believes the recent discovery of “questionable intelligent alien life” is a potential membership bonanza.

The MCG has been redeveloped and the capacity is down to 65,000 due the the extra large spacious movable seats. The seats provide additional extra leg room for men who like to sit with their legs spread wide open. The average male Australian spectator also now weighs 150kg and female 100kg.

The top players wear a helmet with a camera and gimble and you can now watch from home using your Virtual Reality goggles. This is the most popular way to watch the game and has seen match day attendances decrease dramatically. Profits have soared with the average ACFL player earning 25 million per year.

Essendon plays 8 home games a year in Shanghai and have the largest membership base (which includes robotic pet memberships and Artificially Intelligent members). Players fly back and forth in private jets to Melbourne at supersonic speed thanks to the donations from the late P. Little. Our home ground in China is named the “Tesla Dome” with artificial clean air. BTW, Tesla also built the airport hyperloop link to the Melbourne CBD in the late 2020’s.

We have 2 exciting half Chinese brothers who wear the numbers 8 and 88 respectively. Their surname is ■■■■. Their father is Tex Wanganeen who married a local Chinese girl. All guernseys across the league containing the number 4 have been retired due to Chinese superstition.

Unfortunately we are yet to win a premiership. We came controversially close in 2036 when T. Hird had a shot for goal after the siren. He only needed a score to win from 35 metres out directly in front. His shot was sailing directly through the middle when it hit a camera drone. Consequently it ricocheted into the behind post. Gillon McLauchlan, retired AFL CEO is seen on camera directly behind the goals holding what appears to be a remote control. The Sydney captain is seen after the game mouthing the words ‘thanks Gil’ . No investigation took place. Essendon refused to comment.

Essendon also lost 3 interstate and international preliminary finals in the 2030’s to Sydney, GWS and the Eastern Bullfrogs in controversial circumstances. Essendon signed a 5 year deal to wear the AFCL brand football boots during finals in those years. The boots are reported to have “felt heavy and slippery” in the 50 metre arc. This is believed to have resulted in record inaccurate kicking for goal as many players slipped during kicking for goal. 9 goals 36 behinds, 11 goals 44 behinds and 8 goals 53 behinds were the respective losing scores. Each loss was by less than 2 goals. The boots were made in China by a company with an A. Demetriou as Chairman. Essendon refused to comment during the saga.

Captain M. Fletcher retired a 500 game player in 2042. His wife gave birth to two sets of triplet sons named Freddy, Ford, Felix, Fonz, Frodo and Flee.

Oh, and Hawthorn have won a further 7 premierships. Geelong 5. The only Victorian sides to do so.

There is one positive to look forward to. The ageing process can be reversed, and P. Little’s donation of $2.3 trillion to the Essendon Football Club sees us as front runners in the “AFL Rewind League” Hird, Lloyd, Watson, Daniher and many other champions have already signed up and have reversed their ageing process by 9 years at a factor of 3 (meaning 3 years reversed every 12 months). By the 2060’s Essendon should see a Golden Era in this league.


*Their surname is Wang8 (remove the 8)


Wonderful reportage. What did they eat at half time?


Who cares a ■■■■, I will be pushing up daisies by then.


I call bullshit on the above post.

There’s no way the roos will last until 2028


Get a fcking half decent midfield that aren’t all near 30 and we can maybe start talking finals. Fck me it takes me back to the days of Alvey, Haynes and co plodding it up in the midfield, but hey, we have a good forwardline remember? Sound familar? Different players, but same results, same high possession tallies and all of them fcking useless and couldn’t impact a game to save ourselves. Only difference is now we don’t have Hird to cover the cracks of just how sht our midfield truly is. One good mid, one good mid when he feels like it, a good young kid and the rest plodders.


Worsfold is not the guy for us


We’ll win tomorrow.


Well come out firing and be up by 40 early in the 3rd final result will be less than a goal either way.


Pies are favourite now. So we’re a chance!

Edit: eh, what thread am I in?


Agree. We’ll win, limp into the 8 on the back of the softest draw imaginable, get knocked out in the first week of finals, and preserve our record of being statistically the second worst team of the last decade. We’ll go to the draft and pick a HBF who interviews well, and may one day be able to transition into the midfield. Everything is going to be okay.


nothing is surer.

We will win, most will go phew I knew we were really really really really good and go back to fariyland where we are flag favourites.


I dont think we’ll make the 8.


Real soft draw - we’re a chance. Won’t mean we’re not junk though.


Wow that is freaking awesome, so many lol’s well done :laughing:


With our draw, injury list and the age/experience of our list, we ■■■■■■ well should.