Looking for Advice

Go to a Lawyer and get a parenting agreement lodged at court or you will lose any advantage you have.

Her rights are that she can introduce who she likes to your children unless there is a legal agreement blocking access.

Like I said before; change the locks, dump all her belonging on the front lawn and hope it rains. She is toxic and you need to take control for your mental well-being and for the kids. You cannot force her to be responsible, so let the law work for you.


I kept expecting her to pull her head out of her ■■■■, but it never occurred.

So last Thursday I told that when he comes around to pick her up or drop her off he could hang out briefly and interact with the kids and they could get used to him being around gradually that way. I told her not to think this meant he had met the kids and she and him could hang out with the kids altogether whenever they felt like it and that I still wanted to meet him properly before the kids did. She said she was all fine with that.

That was the Thursday, the Friday morning she went off on a long weekend getaway together, they eventually got back Tuesday morning (Happy Easter Kids). They then decided it was fine for him to stay the entire day and hang out with the kids, until I got home at 6:30pm. She allowed him to take the dog and our 5-year-old son for a walk by himself. They then both promptly left once I got home, at that stage I suspected he had been there all day but I wasn’t actually certain, but then the kids confirmed it for me.

I didn’t see her again until last night and which point she stated she understood she had done the wrong thing, but she was also not going to apologise for it because if we weren’t living together it would have already been happening before now so it was a moot point.

But we are still living together so it isn’t a moot point.

She is seriously convinced that I do not have any issue with this guy or with him meeting the kids, and I’m just ■■■■■■■ her around because I’m haven’t moved on or got over her yet.

I think the thing I’m most annoyed about is the fact that she identifies as a radical feminist and usually no male is above her suspicion or distrust. I mean the other week I got told that her failure to communicate properly with me in regards to some her plans that affected my own plans was because she was scared of me because it was at this time that she was most at risk of me becoming violent towards her.

That is despite me never showing a single violent tendency towards her or anyone else during our 20 year friendship or 14 year relationship. Meanwhile this bloke she has known for 7 weeks today, is so above suspicion that he is allowed to take our 5-year-old son for a walk alone.

Nope get ■■■■■■ with that logic.

You/shw simply need to move out. Be the king of your own domain, the kids will pick up on your confidence and happiness.

Sorry to say, but you want get what you are looking for from your ex, in terms of emotional closure.

you absolutely need to make sure you are keeping a diary of every detail of what is happening. Dates, times, locations, words said, everything

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More I think about this, the more it looks like you need to move out. Get the legal agreement in place between the two of you. The legal stuff sounds threatening, but it gives you both guidelines and boundaries. And if there’s steps like what you are going through, a lawyer can tell you if you have any rights over the situation or just to suck it up.

She’s going to make parenting decisions over the next decade or so that you disagree with. You can’t control that anymore. If you are out and have 50:50 custody, then you can keep you half of their world in order. Having a written agreement gives you something solid she has to pay attention to.

I just don’t see a path to victory in the situation you’re in. I understand there’s complexities with the kids to keep in mind, but the flip side of this situation is the home environment gets progressively strained as the months go on. The kids will pick up on that. I’m sure you’re vividly aware of that, so don’t think I’m telling you anything you don’t know already.

Get out. Find some positives in life outside the bubble she’s distorting. End game, if you are happy it’s a better long term situation for all involved.

Sucks man. Heart goes out to you.


The best advice you can get on this forum is to get off this forum. You need professional advice from an experienced family lawyer or marriage counsellor, not the reactions of a random selection of Bomber supporters.


Agree. Professional help and advice is needed . Not gonna get that on here.

I’m not really looking for anything from her other than some basic common courtesy and respect. Apparently even that is too much to expect.

But yes I definitely need and want to get out of there and that it what I’m working towards.

Yep. 100%

Come here to vent, and for a sympathetic ear.
But not proper legal stuff.

sadly, i was gonna say some of us could see it going this way, siimply by your posts on here, but hell you could see this was gonna happen too.
hell you even point out in this thread how if you give in on one thing, it’ll be pressure for you to give on the next thing starting straight away.

as others have said above, it’s time to get serious about it now. Wouldn’t go as far as BF and chucking her stuff out in the rain :rofl: , but record in a written sense what’s gone on, what agreements were had and then broken.
Then go see a lawyer about getting a custody agreement or something along those lines where each partners responsibilities are set out plain as day.

again like BF said she is toxic, and and you are in a DV situation (without violence). If the roles where reversed and you were acting like her, i can guarantee most people would agree that it’s a emtional/manipulative abusive relationship (albeit not romantic anymore).

you’re the only one who can stop it though, she’s not gonna stop, why would she, she’s getting everything her own way, getting to have fun, getting to dissappear for days on end, being a 1/4 time parent while claiming all the hardships of being a full time parent.

And sooner or later, She will start using the threat of " oh you’re abusing me" and will go to the authorities and tell that tale (no i’m not saying it’s a woman thing, i’m saying it’s a DV thing) they use and lie to the system to make out the victim is the one abusing them.
Can see it coming a mile away sadly.

i know a woman who was in a DV situation, she was 5’4, him 6’4 anyway after an argument and he “accidently” (ha) slammed her head into a doorway, the cops were called, he dissappeared for a couple of days, then turned up at a cop shop a few days later with a scratch on his arm and wanted to press chargers against her for assault.

If you actually want it to stop, and want to protect your kids, you have to act now, no if’s buts about it. start whatever proceedings you have to, ask her nicely to move out, if she refuses start proceedings to get her moved out.
Have the evidence ready by way of documentation of what and how she’s been since breaking up and finding this guy, and how she’s spent more time off with him.
But at the end of the day, you’re the only one who is going to be able to stop it. She isn’t, she isn’t gonna change, she isn’t gonna wake up one day and go yeah i’ve been treating ya bad, i’ll stop now.

She will take and take and take and take until there’s nothing left to give. (again not a female thing, a DV thing)

LOL; coming from you that is priceless. Hope you do not do Family Law.

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It’s the one area of law I decided early on I would have nothing to do with.

Excellent decision. And fantastic advice - get a lawyer involved and draw up a parental agreement before the horse has bolted.

Very good decision. I have met many Family court lawyers over my time and while i reckon they love their cats, there was not much to like about the way they went about things.

Divorce is often nasty, but even with the laws being better than previous, it is more adversarial than it needs to be and mostly it is due to lawyers. Maybe it would be simpler if there was an arbitration system that excluded lawyers, and took the steam out of it all.

Anyway for ealesy05, he needs a legal parental agreement to ensure the his rights and the safety of the kids. I have seen too many kids become the victim and fall off the perch due to parents at war.

From a custody/access perspective, the Family Court system does include mediation and the Court will appoint lawyers for the children.
How well it works can depend on resources. Many of the lawyers appointed for children are legal aid and they are overwhelmed. Parents are asked to contribute to the costs of the lawyers for the children, but they themselves are often running up huge bills for their own lawyers ( unless they are eligible for legal aid).
I’ve lost count of the time I’ve spent trying to get it across to friends involved that access/custody is about what is best for the child, stop using it as revenge on the partner.


Yep it does and it is mandatory, but from recent experience the mediators are not that good.

Or, some just go into it to tick a box.

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Family court is gone isnt it?

@ealesy05 i have no experience but hope you find the best outcome for you and your kids.

It merged with another court, but the functions are basically still the same.