sadly, i was gonna say some of us could see it going this way, siimply by your posts on here, but hell you could see this was gonna happen too.
hell you even point out in this thread how if you give in on one thing, it’ll be pressure for you to give on the next thing starting straight away.
as others have said above, it’s time to get serious about it now. Wouldn’t go as far as BF and chucking her stuff out in the rain , but record in a written sense what’s gone on, what agreements were had and then broken.
Then go see a lawyer about getting a custody agreement or something along those lines where each partners responsibilities are set out plain as day.
again like BF said she is toxic, and and you are in a DV situation (without violence). If the roles where reversed and you were acting like her, i can guarantee most people would agree that it’s a emtional/manipulative abusive relationship (albeit not romantic anymore).
you’re the only one who can stop it though, she’s not gonna stop, why would she, she’s getting everything her own way, getting to have fun, getting to dissappear for days on end, being a 1/4 time parent while claiming all the hardships of being a full time parent.
And sooner or later, She will start using the threat of " oh you’re abusing me" and will go to the authorities and tell that tale (no i’m not saying it’s a woman thing, i’m saying it’s a DV thing) they use and lie to the system to make out the victim is the one abusing them.
Can see it coming a mile away sadly.
i know a woman who was in a DV situation, she was 5’4, him 6’4 anyway after an argument and he “accidently” (ha) slammed her head into a doorway, the cops were called, he dissappeared for a couple of days, then turned up at a cop shop a few days later with a scratch on his arm and wanted to press chargers against her for assault.
If you actually want it to stop, and want to protect your kids, you have to act now, no if’s buts about it. start whatever proceedings you have to, ask her nicely to move out, if she refuses start proceedings to get her moved out.
Have the evidence ready by way of documentation of what and how she’s been since breaking up and finding this guy, and how she’s spent more time off with him.
But at the end of the day, you’re the only one who is going to be able to stop it. She isn’t, she isn’t gonna change, she isn’t gonna wake up one day and go yeah i’ve been treating ya bad, i’ll stop now.
She will take and take and take and take until there’s nothing left to give. (again not a female thing, a DV thing)