So, so, so true.
That was very funny.
The best one:
The space between the front part and the back part of a Nandos store is called the Peri Peri-neum
Hand job in car is a car jacking.
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.
As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife, Rose, turned to her oldest friend, Sadie, and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.”
“I’m sure you’re right” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper: “tell me, how much did it really cost?”
“All of it” said Rose. “50,000.”
“No!” Sadie exclaimed “I mean, it was very nice, but really…$50,000?”
Rose nodded. “The funeral was $6500. I donated $500 to the church for the priest services. The food and drinks for another $500. And the rest went towards the memorial stone.”
Sadie computed quickly: “$42,500 for a memorial stone? Exactly how big is it?”
“Seven and a half carats.”
People always say ‘oh, there’s no culture or history in Australia’ but, they always forget about porktown and porkopolis, the birthplace of bacon in Australia.
Northcote
Thornbury
Preston represntin.
A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in between them.
The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he’s allowed on the plane.
The second man explains that he’s a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog.
His name is Sniffer, and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work.”
The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says
“Watch this. He tells Sniffer to ‘search’”.
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent’s arm.
The agent says, “Good boy”, and he turns to the man and says:
“That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.”
“Say, that’s pretty neat.” replies the first man.
Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent’s arm.
The agent says, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I m making a note of his seat number for the police.”
“I like it!” says his seatmate.
The agent then tells Sniffer to “search” again.
Sniffer walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment, and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to poop all over the place.
The first man is really grossed out by this behaviour and can’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent,
“What’s going on?”
The agent nervously replies,
“He just found a bomb!”
Does this qualify as the second ■■■■■■■ of Christ? I’ll get my coat.
He might think it’s perfect but it sure ain’t funny.
Oh…so you didn’t understand it?
Yes, but funny? No.
Well not my type of humour anyway. I’ m more Tommy Cooper type.
Man goes to the doctors. Says " I feel like a pair of curtains doc" “Oh pull yourself together man” says the doc. Or “Looks like you’ be got Tom Jones syndrome " " Is it bad doc?” " Well it’s not unusual"
