I wanted to sue the airline because they damaged my luggage.
I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer.
He said, "You don't have much of a case."
A wife asks her husband, a software engineer; "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six!"
A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
Paddy is waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a truck goes by loaded up with rolls of turf.
Paddy says, 'I gonna do that when I win the lottery'
'What's dat?' says his mate.
'Send me lawn away to be cut'.
A federal Police officer stops at a ranch in Roma, and talks with an old farmer.
He tells the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."
The farmer says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The federal Police officer explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer.
"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.
No questions asked or answers given.
Have I made myself clear??
Do you understand!!
The farmer nods politely.
A short time later, the old farmer hears loud screams and sees the federal Police officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The farmer throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
" Your BADGE, Show him your BADGE !!!! "