A big city New York lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going into retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied. “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?”
The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s shin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick landed square on the man’s nose. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot, now it’s my turn!”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”
Two aerials got married
The wedding was ok.
But the reception was magnificent.
And the kinky BDSM couple who went camping.
They forgot their whips, so disconnected the aerial from the campervan and used that.
Unfortunately, they were both diagnosed with a van-aerial disease.
That’s a variation of a canarial disease called Cherpes, which affects the aviaries and for which there is no known tweetment.
Or the woman who went to the doctor, complaining of problems with her aviaries.
Up in the stirrups, the doctor has a good look and says “yeah, maybe it is aviaries because you’ve certainly seen a cockatoo”.
Scientists have managed to successfully weigh a rainbow.
…it’s pretty light.
I met a guy at the pub who said he was a huge pop star in the eighties.
I didn’t believe him, but he was adamant.
Where do they weigh pies?
Somewhere under the rainbow!!
A guy is at a job interview when the interviewer asks
“What do you think is your greatest weakness??
“Honesty”, the man replies.
“That doesn’t sound like a weakness to me” the interviewer says.
“I don’t give a ■■■■ what you think!”
I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday. It was the least I could do.
Getting close to retirement I miss the old days.
I used to like going clubbing.
Baby seals wer’nt too impressed though.