He’s doing well running with only one leg
4 Likes
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes it is.”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball.”
Man: ‟That’s nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟That’s my dad outside.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?”
Boy: ‟$250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.
Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes, it is…”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball glove.”
Man: ‟That’s nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the glove was again?”
Boy: ‟$750.”
Man: ‟Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, ‟Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!”
The boy says, ‟I can’t. I sold them.”
The father asks, ‟How much did you sell them for?”
The son says, ‟$1,000.”
The father says, ‟It’s terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, ‟Dark in here.”
The priest says, ‟Do not start that ■■■■ again.”
17 Likes
Not really sure if this is the right thread.
We were invited to dinner at my SILs place. They recently bought a kitten and my son (6) was enthusiastically playing with it all night. As we were driving home, the missus noticed that he’d fallen asleep and said that the kitten had worn him out. I quipped, yeah, playing with ■■■■■ will do that. She was not impressed.
7 Likes
She’ll be even less impressed if she finds out you’ve told all of blitz 
8 Likes
On vegans, one of my favourite lines on Mock the Week…Ed Byrne on the subject of personal ads
Wanted…vegan man seeking vegan woman with a view to sharing long beachside walks and boring, soulless dinners.
5 Likes
Fat and Skinny went to war.
Fat got shot and Skinny swore.
I’ll get my coat.
2 Likes