Speaking of guest appearances.
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Two residents of the nuns’ retirement village were sitting outside in the courtyard enjoying a quiet sherry and cigarette after dinner when it began to rain.
One of the nuns quickly whipped out a thin rubber tube and placed it over her cigarette, thus keeping it dry.
“They’re called condoms”, she explained to her curious friend. “You get them from the chemist, cut the end off and they make an effective raincoat to stop your smoke getting all wet and soggy”.
Sister Theresa was very impressed by this and visited the nearest chemist the very next day, where she asked the shop assistant for a packet of these condoms.
“Is there any particular size you were after?” enquired the girl behind the counter.
“Oh no, that’s not important” replied the nun, “as long as they fit a Camel”.
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Pay that one 
I got caught parking in a disabled spot. The parking attendant asked what disability I had.
I said " Tourette fark off karnt "
Apologies in advance.
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For musicians only :
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My Christmas list is pretty simple this year.
$1,000,000
The souls of all who have wronged me.
And a kitten.
Merry Christmas to all blitzers and their families. Tassie h.
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Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery.
Daffy turns to Elmer and says: “Is this Whiskey?”
Elmer says: “Yeth but not as whiskey as wobbin a bank.”
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My username takes offence to that joke. 
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