Season 2024 - Fark Carlton


Coach: Michael Voss


Points For – 9th
Points Against – 4th

Top 5 Best and Fairest

1 – Jacob Weitering
2 – Nic Newman
3 – Charlie Curnow
4 – Adam Cerra
5 – Patrick Cripps

2023 Rising Star Noms

Oliver Hollands (Rnd 21)

Ins – Matt Carroll, Orazio Fantasia, Elijah Hollands, Ashton Moir, Rob Monahan, Billy Watson

Outs – Ed Curnow, Paddy Dow, Zac Fisher, Josh Honey, Sam Philp, Lachie Plowman

My Prediction

There was very few things more disappointing last year than Carlton finding their feet and looking like a good football team. Half way through the year things looked so promising, they were consistently losing, Voss had one foot out the door and fans were trying desperately to cut off the other foot and throw it out with him. Then things got ugly and they started winning.

The backline has achieved the amazing and the impossible in making Mitch McGovern look like a footballer. Jokes on them though, it was a contract year, he will be back to his usual self this year. Weitering found his feet again and you could make an argument he was the best backman in the comp. Newman was good off half back and then there is Zac Williams, he was there collecting more money than effective possessions. Adam Saad was disappointingly good last year although it still feels almost lucky when he actually hits a target.

I am not sure on the Carlton midfield, the very top level of talent is impressive, Cripps when his shoulders allow is able to carry the team, Cerra grew into the team last year and was a great pick up. Sam Walsh looked to be a world beater at times and other times felt a little like the K-Mart version of Bryce Gibbs. I think the depth is the challenge here, Hewett and Acres are ok, then there is Docherty who was good last year but they are a couple of key injuries from having to play youth.

The forward line has probably the best one-two punch in the competition, at least they would be if McKay could kick. Curnow is a beast and near on unstoppable when he gets going. The small forwards are average, Jack Martin got their hopes up last year but we all know he will disappear again. Motlop had been a non factor generally but they would love him to step up.

Tom De Koning staying last year was a surprise, they must have tapped into their Visy partnership to stock up on brown paper bags. He is an ok ruckman. Most of his career he has been barely good enough and last year he was slightly better than that. Crazy Vossy held onto his job and I think he may even have got an extension. He is still a crap coach with not much tactical nous but clever enough to let talented players do the things they are good at.

There is too much talent on their list to not play finals again, I don’t know if they are good enough to make a deep finals run but I live in fear that they are. They have quality in every area of the field (except the ruck) and they have multiple match winners. I think they will threaten top four this year and may even make it. Somewhere from 4-6 for mine.


I can see them making top 4 again, but still think they don’t quite have the depth in their bench to beat the very best. 3rd-5th

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P.S. Fark Carlton.


What about the bobbleheads?

Zero Hanger best 23

FB: Brodie Kemp, Jacob Weitering, Nic Newman.
HB: Sam Docherty, Mitch McGovern, Adam Saad.
C: Oliver Hollands, Sam Walsh, Blake Acres.
HF: David Cuningham, Harry McKay, Matthew Owies.
FF: Jack Silvagni, Charlie Curnow, Jack Martin.
FO: Tom De Koning, Patrick Cripps, Adam Cerra.
I/C: Marc Pittonet, Matthew Cottrell, George Hewett, Matthew Kennedy.

SUB: Jesse Motlop.

Also in the mix: Zac Williams (pending health), Caleb Marchbank, Elijah Hollands (pending suspension), Lewis Young, Lachlan Cowan, Orazio Fantasia, Lachie Fogarty, and Alex Cincotta.

Solid Defence- maybe McGovern the weaker link.
Midfield has pace and Grunt. Sam Walsh likely explodes this year if injury free.
Rucks - average
Forwards - Curnow nuf said, but McKay ahs been COleman medallist, and need some help from small forwards but talent is there, and Fantasia could be a handy pest for them.
Depth - Handy with Williams, Fantasia and Hollands all outside the 23 I would have selected Fantasia and likely WIlliams too. (I dont rate Cottrell, Cunningham that highly).

Prediction 5-8th
Can imagine Fark Carlton getting ahead of themselves and blowing top 4 chances.

Hope they finish winless and 18th.

Suspect they’ll be pushing top 4 and make another prelim.


Unfortunately, prelim at a minimum

Must have forgotten about Silvagni’s knee

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Hope they get a yeast infection

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This is more headline than post script.

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Will finish top 4, lose all finals and drive a stake through the heart of their deluded fans (again). They will continue to rely on Curnow and Cripps too much.

Off field their Chairman will continue his dodgy business dealings. There could be a scandal or two around this.


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It was done pre injury.

Why can’t we have both (I note the thread title was already correct)?

  • You tell ‘em what you’re gonna tell ‘em.
  • You tell ‘em.
  • You tell ‘em what you told ‘em.

P.S. Fark Carlton.

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Fantasia to do a Ted Hopkins and kick 4 in the GF.

The only thing stopping them being genuinely good (apart from injuries, like any team) is their ridiculously fragile confidence.
They will give teams a chance in pretty much every game they play, and it’s up to the rest of the league to exploit that.
If they get their head up, consistently, they could get to Collingwood level and ain’t nobody want that.

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I think Curnow carries them a fair bit. Without him, I dont see massive points of difference with their wide compared to the rest of the pack. But they do have him so thats a problem, it makes them good.

Don’t underestimate Crazy Vossy.

Grand final certainties imo, unless Curnow gets injured then they could legitimately miss the 8

Fark Carlton arent given nearly enough credit around here for how well put together their back end of the season was. They timed their run perfectly and only just missed out on the big dance.

If they get their ■■■■ together consistently, they will be top 3 with Pies and GWS imo.

Yeah, but they were also one stupid loss away from dropping their bundle completely and sacking their coach.

Edit: Big if.

They won’t be top three.
They Could be, but they won’t.
Because Hawthorn could beat them on any given day.