Recently my employers wife left him. 27 years together and one day she told him she’d found someone else. He is shattered.
About 18 months ago, I left my wife. It was a mutual split after years of misery and going through the motions. She is currently in a rut and in the “all men are jerks” stage of dating.
At work functions, those two used to get along really well and spend the night talking to each other, ignoring their respective partners. So I thought I’d be a nice guy and set them up. I laid some groundwork with her, made numerous assurances to him that I was 100% OK with it, then when the stars were aligned I told him to shoot her a message on Facebook
They seem to be having a great time together and my ex has helped my employer start to dig out of his rut. I claim the exercise a success and they are both really, really happy with me. In his words - “I can count on one hand the people who have been supportive to me… You are on the second finger, just after my son”
At the same time…
My direct boss keeps telling me this was a huge mistake
My best mate keeps telling me this was a huge mistake
My girlfriend for some bizarre reason that I just don’t understand has got her hackles up about it and is not talking to me. She thinks I haven’t done enough for my employer and it shows I’m still attached to my ex??? She thinks when I say otherwise that I’m making it up to hide from the truth…
One of the other owners of the company I work for has dragged the guy I setup over the coals over it
The way I see it is, we are over, I don’t want her back AT ALL, but I don’t want her miserable. Why would I stand in the way?
The only issue I see is that as my employer there is a tiny, tiny chance that she might get in his ear to make my life hell - bitter ex syndrome. But I trust them both enough to think that is so unlikely that it’s not worth considering. And if it does, I’m a highly employable person and would walk into another job.
It’s at no stage really. Just someone I’m interested in who I think is back. Just asking in case people have been in the same position as it’s unheard of in my circle.
Nice to hear the good stories.
I’ll just have to see what and if anything happens
My Boss’s wife is ten years his junior. once you get into your thirties the age gap doesnt seem that big.
Theres a lot of things that you think may seem a bit odd when you are younger, but realise it was just your own insecurities that made you feel that way and that most people wouldnt care. I once went out with a girl who had the same name as me and i thought it was weird, and gave me doubts about the relationship when it shouldnt have, its just a name, like its just an age.
I have a friend whos husband is 43 and she will be 33 this year they have a 2 year old son and her husband is a good bloke (Dons supporter)
Also have a couple of guy friends who are dating older women one is 28 and going out with a 35 yr old have a 2yr old.
the other is 26 and is dating a 34 year old, and she left her husband for him after they did a local theatre play together. His mum thinks its a bit weird, but the rest of the family dont really care as long as he is happy, and his last girlfriend who was the same age as him was a bit of a head case.
Interesting thread. At the end of the day, age gaps really don't matter (within reason of course). As long as those people are on the same page then it really doesn't matter. My partner's only 4 years older than me, but I'd like to think that if he was 10 or even 15 years older it wouldn't make a difference.
Yep. Respect is the thing. It balances a relationship.
Interesting thread. At the end of the day, age gaps really don’t matter (within reason of course). As long as those people are on the same page then it really doesn’t matter. My partner’s only 4 years older than me, but I’d like to think that if he was 10 or even 15 years older it wouldn’t make a difference.
You should do what makes you happy. And if their happyness makes you happier then that is important. The main thing is not to worry about what they want out of this just to remember it’s about you. They will get over it, but if you do something you regret it will be harder for you to.
It’s an odd situation but a good one as there are a lot of trusted parties and no uncertainties. Probs have to work on mending relationships from a sit down and open conversation.
Kudos to you for doing it, that’s for sure. I don’t think many other blokes could set up their ex wife with anyone let alone their own boss and be cool with it.
I honestly don’t see how you setting them up could be construed as anything other than you being a selfless guy who likes to see the people around him happy. So I can’t help you on the girlfriend front. But women, at least in my experience, have a far different and beautiful view of the world and your actions (the second bit may be utter sarcasm) and often see things that aren’t there, especially when they are jealous.
Sounds like a good thing you have done Zebba. They both seem happy and thankful for it (at least your ex does anyway) which is the best you could have asked for.
All in all, good job and you are a bigger man than myself!
The ex thanked me this morning for being so supportive and I told her the only way I’d have an issue is if I looked at her as a possession. But I don’t and never did. The hurt in cheating is not the act, it’s the betrayl of trust, and once you are no longer in that relationship who they see is not a betrayl anymore. At least, not to me. That’s not to say I’d be an “open relationship” kinda guy, but once the relationship is over who am I to stand in the way of happiness?
And yeah, making others happy DOES make me happy. Doesn’t hurt that one of the people I’m making happy is the mother of my kids and the other is they guy who writes the cheques
The only thing I’d say is that it would work more simpler if you moved into a position where neither party had a slight level of authority over the other. i.e. Employer over you. So move to another role or another company.
But that is dependent on the individual and whether you trust them enough not to take advantage of the situation. But putting two people you trust(especially when one is the mother of your kids) make the situation not only more complementary for the you, him and her but also for your kids as it creates a less disruptive situation.
There is your current gf, but she just needs to settle and over time she will understand. Most people don’t like their partners ex’s regardless. You cannot expect her to be okay with you having your ex in your life, but once she understands and accepts it will create a greater bond between the two of you (especially with the kids).
I had a mate whose mum and ex(and his partner) were very similar. They had a great friendship and even hung out at family functions as the friendship outweighed the animosity.
I think you’ve done a great thing. All those other detractors don’t fully understand the situation, and in your girlfriend’s case, may be jealous of your good relationship with your ex.
You’ve successfully done your employer and your ex a favour, they’re happy with each other and with you, and you’re happy as a result. It doesn’t really matter what the others think as they’re not involved (although hopefully your girlfriend comes around soon).
Great work, you can definitely extend the olive branch with an ex. You don’t have to love someone to care about them.
I have an ex who lost her mum a couple of years ago to cancer, I still ask about her. But I still maintain that you cannot be friends with an ex (I mean a real friendship)
As for the current girlfriend, she is just jealous - sees this move as a way you can be closer to your ex. She just needs to be comfortable with your relationship. I would not start suggesting double dates though and be mindful of future social situations where your ex will now be and your current gf.
Great work, you can definitely extend the olive branch with an ex. You don't have to love someone to care about them.
I have an ex who lost her mum a couple of years ago to cancer, I still ask about her. But I still maintain that you cannot be friends with an ex (I mean a real friendship)
As for the current girlfriend, she is just jealous - sees this move as a way you can be closer to your ex. She just needs to be comfortable with your relationship. I would not start suggesting double dates though and be mindful of future social situations where your ex will now be and your current gf.
This is not entirely true. It’s not common that things work out that way, but given the right circumstances, and the right personalities, it can. I have a couple of friends who split up a few years ago after seven years together, and they’re now very good friends (and not at all in an unhealthy way).
I split up with my girlfriend of four years a few weeks ago. It was fairly amicable, and I think we’d both like to remain friends, but for that to actually work it’s going to take a fair bit of time, and some care to create/keep some distance between us (going to be a bit of a challenge as we have a number of close mutual friends). It might not work, but we’ll see.
