Not judging someone (especially a client in this context) is very different from not having an opinion about their issues.
I work with a lot of psychologists. I live with one. I’m not one. It’s actually a part of my own personal struggle.
Psychologists are great. I think visiting one should be as natural as physio, a workout, the GP etc. Not sure if trips come as a standard extra on health insurance but would be good if they did.
The dons would have great sports psychologists.
They just help you put the right perspective on things and I don’t think you need to wait until your really mentally unhealthy to see one.
I had 6 visits that were taken care of as part of Medicare. So I went once a month and then every three months after that.
Before I aknowledged that maybe it was time to talk to someone (thanks to a push in the right direction from my GP) I didn’t have high opinions of psychologists at all. I had no idea how just talking to someone would ever be able to help.
As it turns out just talking to someone who knows literally nothing about you and isn’t judging you and trying to tell me what I should do did me the world of good.
The best thing that he said was something along the lines of “you will always have anxiety, everyone has anxiety, it’s just that your mind takes that and interprets it as something life endingly bad and your body reacts to that.” And I was like well ■■■■ but that actually makes me feel better. Then it just became a bit of meditation, a LOT of talking to myself and talking myself through things and now I’m infinitely better for it. That little voice is still in my head but I just ignore it like the raving lunatic that it is.
Finding the right psych, too.
Yes, I did see one a couple of years ago. Perhaps I needed more than 4 visits but I didn’t feel it was helping.
The thing a lot of people don’t realise about Psychologists, is that most psychologists are experts in different techniques.
Generally the ‘default’ technique is Cognitive behavioural therapy. Most psychologist will have this down to a tee. If your dealing with something like depression and Anxiety, chances are CBT is going to be used. The evidence is very strong that this strategy, will work and you’ll have developed the skills learned by CBT for the rest of your life.
If there is a range of complex underlying issues for someone, you might get referred around to the right person with a specific skills set.
If by chance CBT doesn’t work, then asking for a psychologist who has expertise in other techniques would be very beneficial.
I went to 2 before finding one that worked.
Not so much the technical expertise like @jonovdp brought up, it’s just such a deeply personal experience to unload your innermost thoughts and fears, and have someone else that you essentially don’t know comment on you.
My experience with the first 2 was it was a waste of time if I wasn’t 100% comfortable with them.
I believe that’s not uncommon.
Found some messages my wife has been sending a mate…whilst they arent cheating…she might aswell be as its not good. My daughter had an xray - she said waiting at Dr for tests…but she didnt tell me the results…she told him thou…straight away. It really bothered me that I had to get the info from her a couple hours later… Other more personal stuff has been shared between them…so with everything im thinking of leaving now…im worried my mental health may go backwards or I might come good with the pressure off…Its not a snap decision…shes treated me pretty badly over the last 2 years…Thoughts?
Im the same, I cant get comfortable speaking to people paid to listen…1 guy kept watching the clock…the other guy was a young bloke who hadnt experienced marriage and kids…I havent been again for a year…rather save my cash
Have you talked to her (and/or him) about their ‘sharing’? It doesn’t seem so. Personally, it’s a conversation I’d be having before making any such decision.
Yes… brought it up.
It’s worth looking around until you find someone you get along with. One psych I encountered in particular was absolutely terrible right up to the point of being actively negligent and destructive, and if I wasn’t in such a preoccupied state at the time I would have reported her to whatever professional bodies were available. Another one was just mild and accomodating and non-confrontational to the point of uselessness, and got walked all over and nothing was achieved. Every psych has their own style. You might go through a few before you find one that will be good for you.
Talking to friends etc about stuff is great, but if you think you’re alreaadyy doing that and you’re not dealing then it’s worth remembering that the problem with only talking to non-professionals is that you only get non-professional advice.
It’s not easy.
Jeez man, that’s rough. Haven’t got time to chat now but will when I can. Hang in there.
So nothing was resolved then? Doesn’t sound very good. Although my situation isn’t the same, I can definitely relate. Having moved cities years ago now, I’ve lost regular contact with almost all of my old mates (some I would have drifted away from anyway… ) and my social circle is largely limited to a handful of mutual friends Ms CB and I have (the social group through which we met). They’re good people, but of course I don’t want to discuss my relationship problems with them as I don’t think that’s fair on anyone. Family are all elsewhere. So, I’m isolated, not very happy at all where I am, and fluctuating between hoping we can still work it out and knowing that, ultimately, we won’t. As with you, I’m not sure what the latter outcome would bring for me. Part of me is actually content with the idea of her leaving for someone else to have the second kid that I know she wants (not going to happen with me anymore). I’ve said as much too, and she says she doesn’t want that, but I’m not sure if I believe it. Either way I just want honesty, but it’s sometimes hard to know whether you’re getting that or not. As I said in my first post in this thread, it’s so much harder when there’s kid/s involved. I’ve been close to leaving a couple of times, but I won’t do it until I’m 100% certain it’s the best thing to do for at least two thirds of us. Sometimes life just sucks balls, but I know that there’s always a solution even if we can’t see it yet. Be careful.
I had one, a long time ago now.
The second visit actually made me feel worse.
Because it was like, ‘You don’t remember who I am. You haven’t even bothered looking at your notes from the last session before you started this one. You’re phoning this in. I’m a paycheque to you.’
It was terrible.
They were terrible.
But in an odd sort of way, it helped.
And while I’m NOT suggesting this reaction would be universal, it made me think, ‘Right. The cavalry’s not coming. There is no safety net. Time to man up and beat this friggin’ thing as if it were a physical being.’
Again, that’s me and I’m not saying others would have reacted that way.
There will come a time, and hopefully it will be soon, when the air must be cleared. It will be better if you instigate such an action. The sort of action l am talking about is a three way, sit down discussion to work out what is going on, how it happened to come to this, as in the history. What actions to take, what the next steps will be, can come out of that. Set up a process to move forward that the 3 of you can agree on. It would be best if you are the one to organize this. This won’t work if people are angry, then it could easily get out of control. l am not sure if you or any of the other parties would want a third party there, or a recording of the meeting. That might be seen as a betrayal of trust, but if you feel the need for such, then you should only proceed with their knowledge and approval.
The whole episode might be a huge understanding, but it is still better to take a proactive role to find out what is going on.
The apparent reason for him being involved is that she found a friend in him… someone who gets her. That’s all good but it moved passed that point when she found she had feelings for him. We don’t have a lot of shared hobbies especially not sport but I’m not about to try find a woman to fill that void
I burned through about 4 psychologists before I found the right one. Two of them for the reason you mention above.
One particular guy I saw 6 days later for the second session, and he just stared at me like we’d never ever met. “I have a lot of patients.”
Cool, let’s just go through it all again, shall we?
The ‘right one’ keeps extensive notes, and for our second session, he was already asking questions about this person, that person, how did this go etc, before i’d even sat down. I once didn’t see him for two years, and when I returned, he’d clearly refreshed himself with all my notes, and picked up where we’d left off without skipping a beat.
I will say though… As annoying, and as much as it was a waste of time/money to see the wrong people, it all pales into insignificance when compared to the benefits I’ve received from finding the right person.
It’s worth the effort to keep looking (speaking generally, not at you Wim) because if you do find the right one, they can change your life. Or in my case, on one particular occasion… save it.