I have a therapist who I’m comfortable with. From my research, CBT is a very effective approach. I’m leaving home to save my family from my behavious. I’m taking an indefinite leave from my business and work. Every day I will be focused on activities like research, exercises, mindfulness and reflection, awareness, help groups, and anything else I can do to eradicate the narcissistic behaviours. I don’t know how long it will take.
Thanks for the uncouragment. Yes. That’s the therapy approach I’m taking, and will compliment this with many other activities that support the fight.
If you don’t mind me asking, what caused the realisation? Was it a sudden thing or a slow burn?
For the past 5 years I have been trying to heal me anxiety and depression. It’s underlying cause was hidden beneath that noise. The less attention I got the more the anxiety. In the last 3 months it got really bad, we looked at all different reasons and fixes for my anxiety. Congative dissenance was the most recent path we looked at with my wife. Then yesterday we discovered narcissism and it’s fit.
Maybe once you feel right, you might consider doing some supportive voluntary work in the community. There are a few good men’s groups around that may also be helpful and give you support but it may also be useful in terms of different things which occur in relationships. So you do not isolate yourself. Labelling yourself as Narcissistic is a brave thing to do. Do the opposite of what you have done before which caused pain and use it as a positive to be the best you, you can be. Good luck.
That’s an awful thing to have to face and deal with.
Make sure you keep in touch with friends and family, this sounds like a pretty jarring and potentially isolating experience. You sound like you’re holding strong, but there may be ups and downs.
Also: keep in mind, we’re all a bit messed up in one way or another - but only some of us recognise it. Doesn’t make you a bad person.
To recognize this is huge. Most don’t…and when you try to explain their “issues” they snap back at you harder than ever. I was married to one…still doesn’t get it.
I hope you get the help you need! Stay Strong
When you have one real thing to look forward to (footy season) and the team sucks it up rd1 hahaha FFS
I still use footy season as an outlet, but have made it so our performance is irrelevant to my enjoyment (well, in so much as even if we suck, I still enjoy the football).
If I go to the game, I’ll stop at a restaurant pre/post game and get a meal I enjoy. If I watch from home, I’ll order something in. I turn off my phone, don’t answer emails etc;. It’s just a few hours each weekend I get away from everything, which as it turns out, I enjoy more than the football itself. The footy just gives me a reason to make sure I do it each week for half the year.
Yep, it definitely allows a different focus.
If its not too personal or that what situations or behaviours are you referring to when you say or believe you’re a narcissist?
I guess its more a case of what ive seen and read of it , its generally found in males in domestic violence situations ( im not suggesting thats the case here , im more using that as a lesd in to what im about to say)
From what little i know about itd seem very rare that a narcissist would indeed admit he or she is one, because well it goes against the grain.
Wanting help and attention to help with anxiety and depression ( i know that struggle sadly) and having bad habits that are destructive , to my mind makes sense , to verying degrees.
So im curious in general , as they say knowledge is power
How are you going mate? Are you still planning for Easter?
Yeah I have 10 days off…So will start rolling it back just before.
Im out on my own, seeing my daughter as much as possible. Just real focused on getting my life back on track
I am quite self-centred and I need to be liked by people. I will go out of my way to help people so that they think I’m nice or better still a hero. The vision that I have of myself is that I’m a good bloke and I will say things to endear myself to them with the hope that they like me or even better, praise me. I worship my partner as she is beautiful, brilliant and we have two wonderful bomber supporting boys. However most of my interactions with her in the last 10 years seem to be purely driven to get attention, irrespective of the goal or purpose . She is generally mad at me because of my behaviors so then I try even harder to get positive attention, which makes it worse. She said she has had enough of my narcissistic behaviors and wants me to leave. Anyways, I’m currently getting diagnosed by a psychologist. Hopefully I will know where I am on the spectrum and the intensity for each behavioral trait that I must work on.
I have undertaken a mental health assessment by a psychologist and I am nowhere near classification as NPD. In fact I am a 1 out of 9 categories (5 out of 9 would put me on the NPD spectrum). I am highly self centred, and strive to get praise from people because I want them to like me. I am aware of these two traits and I am starting control them!
I have been depressed, anxious and forgetful for 5 years. These last three weeks have been the worst in my life. I have been mortified by the thought that I am narcissist and that I have treated my wife badly with my selfishness and manipulation even though I had never realized it. She is continuing to go to narcissistic abuse trauma therapy and I feel she will not believe or accept the diagnosis. She wants me out of the house.
Hang in there, mate.
It may not be easy, but there are people who are there to help.
Stay strong. Having lived with a narcissistist for years my thoughts on your initial post were ‘ no way’.
Might I suggest you and your wife see someone together. I’ve a suspicion it might help.
Hi Darli, she is not interested in saving the marriage. I have suggested this in the past and she refuses. She has never been the easiest of people to live with, but I have accepted that because I know she is good person. In the past 3 months she has got noticably angrier with me and with our 20 yo son. In the last three weeks she has said and done things to me that are horrible and very uncharacteristic of her.
With “Narcissism” being the new “Black” as it is, with every other Womens mag likely having had a “Are you Living/Working/Socialising with One?” Quizzes in the past 12 months, … (probably every other month in different guises), … It seems to me that she has just either been brainwashed by stuff everywhere, and read it into you, and/or, she’s using it as a convenient tool to further the divide.
I may be wrong, but with the Psychs eval,
and the rest of your story,
… etc, … that’s the vibe I’m getting.
If it were me, and that were the case mate, I reckon I’d be accepting it is over, getting out as amicably as possible for all concerned’s sakes, grieving, and then moving on.
Maybe service has turned into servitude and she has reached her limit??? She seems to have made her mind up and has told you what she doesn’t want to do.
You must get therapy for yourself. Work on the things you need to work on to get yourself into the right frame of mind. From what you have said it seems at this point spending more time trying to change her mind, may push her further away. Don’t give up, get well. Tell your wife and your son that is what you intend to do.