Quite often in this thread I see well known posters telling a side of their life you don’t associate with the larikan or similar they present when they post. I’m not a well-known poster but thought I would share something, somewhat for my benefit but hopefully for someone else as well.
Often these posts are reactive, following a situational crisis of sorts and mine is no different. I was diagnosed Type II Bipolar around 7 years ago. During, prior and following this point my life was and is run like a rollercoaster, I was the life of every party (sometimes my own). I experienced and did things you wouldn’t believe, all of which was further fuelled by lifestyle choices of partying and drug use. I was successful with study and work, I played footy for my state, no problem with girls and never went without. Nobody could understand the other side of things, nor were many (if any) aware. Nights sitting in Hospital car parks in the rain, the delusional, psychosis-like thought patterns that have you ruining your relationships with friends, partners and family and ultimately had me thinking I had no other choice. I was medicated and counselled for a long time without any real success; still nobody knew what was going on par my family who picked up the pieces everytime I broke.
There is no way I can tell the full content of my story thus far and I don’t need to. We all have one. I have abstained from all medication for the last 2 years under the theory of needing to suffer through the learnings of my own behaviour, in order to learn what I can control rather than simply bandaiding my un/controllables together. I would control, limit or abstain from my known controllables; sleep, drugs/alcohol and exercise. This did not stop my mania or anxiety but it limited it’s frequency and intensity. I would not recommend this to anyone else.
My long term partner left me for another man last week, I’ve since found out she was seeing him for several months prior. There were no flags, we were going to get engaged (I had a deposit on a ring), buy a new place together next summer and go to Hawaii in Jan. It was a fairytale relationship that has blindsighted me.
I have oganised a mental health care plan, reviewed medication with my GP, sought support from friends and family and will deal with this knowing I will struggle and fail to overcome it many times before I can try move forward. I have suprised myself with how I’ve handled this and am yet to definitively figure out if this lasts or whether I wake up to my old ways tomorrow.
I’m not saying anyone should get off their medication (in fact ignore that part entifely) and not everyone has a family or friends such as mine to lean on. What I can say is suffering is natural and normal.To try and constantly avoid experiencing it and to look for pure, constant happiness will always leave you doubly upset when the inevitable suffering occurs. I know I’ll struggle but I also know there are things in my control I can do to limit this and help me move forward, I will not let myself be ruled by this or anything else. I read posts where people feel they have no option left or are their lowest. I say to you that what you feel is normal, suffering is normal and will occur in some respect of everything you do. Embrace it, feeling it can be completely expedted for the situation you’re in or unfortunately maybe just normal for you. But you, like I, will get through what seems like the worst. But prepare to feel like it again, and that’s okay.
I say to all of you who read this, who have felt blue, hopeless or those who doubt their own motivation to keep going; I have such admiration for you, keep going. I wish I could tell myself all I know 7-10 years ago and stop myself from making stupid choices at my lowest. I only learnt from living through it and know any of you can too.