The mental health thread


#651

@Bishop my impression is that you have been so put down by your wife that you are believing you are the root cause of the problem. Maybe you are partly or largely to blame, but from what you say she has had a hand in this as well.

Why not make an arrangement for marriage counselling (not just a suggestion to your wife, but an actual booking) to show her the relationship situation is serious and you are doing something about it?

I am no expert and @mdso may well be correct about getting yourself in the right frame of mind. You can do both at once of course.


#652

Maybe just me but I know waaaaay more female than male narcissists.


#653

Would there be any consideration of having a hiatus?

Sounds like everyone’s grating on each other.

Clear air can help with that. Doesn’t fix everything but it can help all parties see things clearly.


#654

In the past few weeks I’ve removed myself from all social media and news sites. Blitz is the only site that remains. Trying to keep my mental state more positive and focus on happiness. Ive recently started meditation and need to exercise more.

We have 4 children between 7 months and 9 years. Our 3 year old has special needs. My wife and I both suffer anxiety and are pretty introverted socially.

Last night was the first time in my life I shed a tear when watching a footy game. Everyone in the house were asleep. I’ve been at losing GF’s and Prelims.

Having 4 kids with basically no help from family to friends is hard. We’re a single income family and lucky I have a decent job. Puts a lot of strain on the marriage. When we take a deep breath and ever get some alone time (which isn’t very often) we’re grateful we have each other. But during the hectic nature of our lives it’s easy to forget how lucky we are.

The kids and I go to home games with my dad. It’s pretty much the only socialising I do outside of my daily work routine these days.
I’ve put too much emphasis on happiness from our football club. Last night proved that. I was struggling to control my emotions midway through the last quarter and poored myself a rather large glass of scotch. Got to stop thinking the club is as passionate about winning as we are supporting.

Peace to all of you suffering anxiety and or depression. Love and light to you all.


#655

Thanks for posting and sharing your story. Lots of people feel the same, hoped this club would add happiness to their lives.


#656

Yeah, I can empathise. I consciously made a decision to be less involved with footy towards the end of the Saga - it had become something that was making me angry rather than happy, and I’d had a couple of legit nasty fights with friends and family about saga stuff. Combine that with a house move that made it a lot harder to get to TAC games, and it was the right move for me to back off a bit and devote some of my mental energy to other pastimes.

(Gardening was a major one, and has been helpful, though when the rabbits come through & strip 2 dozen of my seedlings to the ground in a night, I sometimes question my choices!)


#657

Same here.
And of the males I know that outwardly appear narcissistic there’d be a significant portion where it’s bravado to mask their insecurities.


#658

Smart decisions. The way the club are going, the more involvement the more anguish, the less involvement, the less anguish.

I have decided to spend more time doing other things not related the EFC and AFL. At the end of this season, I will not renew my membership again. I will also be an Essendon person but in a very different way than ever before and I have six months to ease into it. I am happy with the decision I’ve made.


#659

All the best to you mate and keep fighting the good fight brother, always here for an ear if you want one and time day or night, just send me a PM.


#660

I am at this point as well, not going to waste energy and money into a club that really should be much better, 20 years on the trot as a member, had 3 flags as a non member, 2 flags when Football didn’t really matter to me.

I felt obliged as my Father was a massive passionate Essendon Supporter and when he passed away away I thought I should hold the mantle for him, really giving me nothing but grief.

I will put off going to events or catching up with people because Essendon is playing, not any more, have to pump up the tyres on the mountain bike and get out there, more to life than suffering barracking for Essendon.


#661

Really appreciate that mate. Thanks


#662

I did not drop off the meds - It was way to hard. I think I will need a month off work to sleep it off basically.

The football doesn’t effect my mental health, im able to move on pretty quick. Always next weekend. Also follow Storm and Red Sox during winter…both are going ok

Plus I have written about 4 albums worth of music and await the Tool album Aug 30


#663

If you get a chance check out on the mark on foxtel with Johnathon Marsh. Really good kid…battled his demons and is now back in the AFL system


#664

Quite often in this thread I see well known posters telling a side of their life you don’t associate with the larikan or similar they present when they post. I’m not a well-known poster but thought I would share something, somewhat for my benefit but hopefully for someone else as well.

Often these posts are reactive, following a situational crisis of sorts and mine is no different. I was diagnosed Type II Bipolar around 7 years ago. During, prior and following this point my life was and is run like a rollercoaster, I was the life of every party (sometimes my own). I experienced and did things you wouldn’t believe, all of which was further fuelled by lifestyle choices of partying and drug use. I was successful with study and work, I played footy for my state, no problem with girls and never went without. Nobody could understand the other side of things, nor were many (if any) aware. Nights sitting in Hospital car parks in the rain, the delusional, psychosis-like thought patterns that have you ruining your relationships with friends, partners and family and ultimately had me thinking I had no other choice. I was medicated and counselled for a long time without any real success; still nobody knew what was going on par my family who picked up the pieces everytime I broke.

There is no way I can tell the full content of my story thus far and I don’t need to. We all have one. I have abstained from all medication for the last 2 years under the theory of needing to suffer through the learnings of my own behaviour, in order to learn what I can control rather than simply bandaiding my un/controllables together. I would control, limit or abstain from my known controllables; sleep, drugs/alcohol and exercise. This did not stop my mania or anxiety but it limited it’s frequency and intensity. I would not recommend this to anyone else.

My long term partner left me for another man last week, I’ve since found out she was seeing him for several months prior. There were no flags, we were going to get engaged (I had a deposit on a ring), buy a new place together next summer and go to Hawaii in Jan. It was a fairytale relationship that has blindsighted me.

I have oganised a mental health care plan, reviewed medication with my GP, sought support from friends and family and will deal with this knowing I will struggle and fail to overcome it many times before I can try move forward. I have suprised myself with how I’ve handled this and am yet to definitively figure out if this lasts or whether I wake up to my old ways tomorrow.

I’m not saying anyone should get off their medication (in fact ignore that part entifely) and not everyone has a family or friends such as mine to lean on. What I can say is suffering is natural and normal.To try and constantly avoid experiencing it and to look for pure, constant happiness will always leave you doubly upset when the inevitable suffering occurs. I know I’ll struggle but I also know there are things in my control I can do to limit this and help me move forward, I will not let myself be ruled by this or anything else. I read posts where people feel they have no option left or are their lowest. I say to you that what you feel is normal, suffering is normal and will occur in some respect of everything you do. Embrace it, feeling it can be completely expedted for the situation you’re in or unfortunately maybe just normal for you. But you, like I, will get through what seems like the worst. But prepare to feel like it again, and that’s okay.

I say to all of you who read this, who have felt blue, hopeless or those who doubt their own motivation to keep going; I have such admiration for you, keep going. I wish I could tell myself all I know 7-10 years ago and stop myself from making stupid choices at my lowest. I only learnt from living through it and know any of you can too.


#665

I can relate to what you are saying. Thank you for your raw honesty and daring to expose your vulnerability. I agree suffering and having ups and downs is a very normal part of life and if it is not us, then its happening to those we love or others around us.

You’re right there is no way of avoiding it, resisting it only helps it to persist and I have found solace in mindfulness and meditation. Whatever works. Everyday is a new day.

Its good to realise we are not alone. Everyone deals with their stuff in their own way.


#666

Thanks for sharing @WesternDon.
I definitely agree that pain, hurt, grief etc are part and parcel of being human.
It’s why I worry about kids that have gone through childhoods where everyone gets a participation award, there’s no scores kept in footy etc. They’re losing a pivotal aspect of growing up which is learning to process and deal with adversity. It’s little wonder we seem to have a greater number of adolescents with mental health issues (even accounting for increased awareness, diagnosis etc). All of a sudden they’ve reached an age where they fail classes/assignments, they get knocked back for jobs, girlfriends/boyfriends, uni courses etc and don’t have the skills to deal with it in addition to having spent much of their life with the false expectation that everything is rainbows and butterflies.


#667

You have done the most important step and excepted it, you now know. I would avoid medication as much as you can, the most important steps here are being around people or doing things that/who support your fragility. Being a small hobby that you are in control of or just walking and talking

This is from my own personal experience. Thanks for sharing as getting it out there can be a great release.


#668

Just going to post this.

I run a small business and we have an amazing lady who runs our business, we have worked closely for 10 years.

She has 4 kids and 3 have disabilities. Married to a top bloke. He pops in every few days with a coffee and we have a yarn. Great bloke.

Popped in yesterday with a Flat While. I was busy and only had a quick yarn.

This arvo he committed suicide.

Like, WTF?

I just feel really bad I was busy at work, and couldn’t have the normal yarn we had…

Will be off air for awhile. All good.

Thanks all, and Go Bombers.


#669

It’s always a massive shock when you are close to a suicide - even if you don’t know the person well.


#670

Wow, just know this is not your doing, you have been a friend to someone. His life extended because of you.