Not everyone has made it through the pandemic intact.
It has been a while since l last looked in here. Usually l just come in to check on others, but this time it is a bit different. Yesterday was my birthday and l share it with a nephew who committed suicide. So, this day always makes me think of him. I have known 6 suicides, and l think that is a lot, it feels like a lot, anyway l am convinced it is too many. Two of them l went to high school with and were in the same year/form at various times. l know the background story on one of them, but not the other. Two others were students at the first school l taught at, one l taught the other l didn’t. There was also a guy from where l played cricket. All of them were males.
I have also known 2 murderers. The first was from the second school l taught at. He was in a year 9 class l had in my first year there. He was a different character, but not in a blatantly violent way, he was just someone who was very difficult to reach on a personal level. l ran into him and a mate of his at K Mart the year after he left school. He was cordial enough, but his mate, whom l didn’t know, was moving around to try and blindside me, l was conscious of what he was trying to do, and adjusted my stance accordingly, although l stood in a relaxed pose, l was ready for an attack. If he had made one false move l would have been the first to jump him. Nothing more came of the encounter, he stopped moving but remained on the edge of my peripheral vision. After a couple of minutes our conversation ended and they walked off. l could hear them laughing as they got further down the aisle. Most likely they were laughing at me, and at how they had maneuvered their way to unnerve me in a pincer move, but it hadn’t worked. The next l heard the boy l was speaking to had committed murder, in tandem with another, perhaps with the sneaky sliding mate. All that happened in the mid 1980’s.
The other murderer l have met, is a much more recent acquaintance. Actually he is the guy l shared a house with when l first came back to Oz in January last year, Perth to be precise. My wife arrived a few weeks later. He was the partner/lover of my best friend, a woman l had known since mid April 1983. So the four of us shared a couple of different houses there. My friend had begged us to come to Perth as she was alone, and having a difficult time coping with her domestic situation, as he was going through a particularly messy divorce, and she was alone and being targeted for abuse by his family.
To cut a long story short, my friend had been through a series of violent relationships prior to reconnecting with him, they had been teenage boyfriend and girlfriend, nearly 50 years ealrier. For some reason she attracted men who hit her and/or put her in hospital. For a long time l couldn’t work out why this kept happening to her, as each attack on her was more serious than the last. l believe l now know why. She would sometimes drink or verbally attack her partners. She would keep at them and at them, until they snapped back, not with words, but with fists. She would convince herself that her version of events was the truth and the only truth and would not discuss or listen to what anyone else had to say, but would keep on attacking. She was an intelligent, charming and creative woman, but she had her demons, and they were never that far from the surface. Once she made a judgment about someone, she carried that with her, forever after and could never let that bias go, she carried her biases for decades. She turned on her partner a couple of times while we were there, and they were ugly, ugly scenes to behold, let alone be caught up in. He woke me one morning at 4.30 to come and try and calm her down. She was out in the street in her underwear, screaming and hysterical and trying to throw a huge pot plant at his car. I am sure she woke plenty of neighbours. Another time he didn’t come home after playing golf on a Friday afternoon. Instead he had gone back to a mate’s place, gotten a bit drunk and slept the night on the couch. He had also turned off his phone. She was convinced he had walked out on her. When he came back the next day, she went totally ballistic and called him ‘a farking weak ■■■■,’ a few times. She started throwing his belongings out into the street, revealing a toxic side of her character l had never suspected, let alone seen. They had planned to marry once they returned to Melbourne and he had finalized his divorce.
Looking back l see things vastly different now. She had changed over the years and carried the marks and bruises of every man who violated her. She was still the same fun loving, creative and intelligent woman l had known for decades, but there was also another aspect of her character that l had not suspected existed. l now know that she was damaged, even deranged, to the point where her version of the truth was the only truth that she would entertain, there was no discussing things with her, there was no point in trying, because there was no reason. After she attacked me, my wife forbade from having anything more to do with her, to the point of not even answering emails, or acknowledging her. In hindsight the ban my wife imposed was a wise one, not that l entertained any sort of notion of reunion. A few minor incidents still lingered, but after that it was a clean break. I never looked back nor contemplated any scenario where we could be friends once more. At one point though l did wonder what it would take, and how long it would be before he decided that he had had enough, and do as l did, and just walk away from her. He was unable to do that and now two families have been destroyed.
Last night l rang his brother in Perth. We talked for half an hour. The family were united in offering a very different view of my friend. He was not a violent man, in any way, shape or form, they all agreed, even his ex-wife of 35 years. Homicide detectives from Melbourne are coming to interview the family, his friends and work colleagues over the next few days. Something terrible, drastic and tragic had happened to change him, to make him snap. He is being held in the remand centre, and because of the pandemic has not had a single visitor. The family are not able to come to Melbourne, due to the quarantine restrictions which now apply, both ways, meaning a single trip would result in 4 weeks quarantine. He was taken into custody without his glasses and is basically blind without them. His phone calls to the family are long distance and limited to two and a half minutes. Some details were exchanged, l told him the little l knew, because they had been told next to nothing, not even the cause of death. Naturallt they are concerned for his mentak health, and also the mental health of his son, who had attempted suicide in a cry for a help months previously.
The result was l have offered to speak with his defence lawyers if they think it will help. I made a statement to a homicide detective here a week ago. What is the next step? There is a wake for my former friend in a week or so, l will attend that. I am sure my wife won’t object to that, now that she is gone. Why attend? I want to reconnect with her two daughters, whom l have known since birth, as well as her first husband and some of her friends, who l also became acquainted with.
I am also thinking of doing an extended piece of writing on this incident, a book on the issue of domestic violence. The story needs to be told, but the full story will never be known, and it isn’t over yet. As for me? My mental health is fine. Perhaps it sounds a bit cold, but l am stronger in this regard than l might at first appear. There are many things about each other that we didn’t understand, l have come to accept that and have moved on. I have a wife now, and must attempt to build a new life with her here. My friend is gone, l prefer to remember the good times we had, and there were many of those.
Stay happy, safe, warm and well. Cheers CJ.
