l could see a whole team of Blitzers willing to help out.
1 Like
Youād have divorce lawyers to recommend or not.
1 Like
Sounds like you need to progress with the divorce, seek custody arrangements where you have more time given your stability and stay in the current family home. Ensure you and the kids get mental health support.
2 Likes
Sorry @ealesy05 , but I have had more than a few beers after a hard day.
I really feel for you and wish I could help. You are the most important part of this, as your kids need a dependable rock and you need a life without her.
2 Likes
She seems to have had 5 kids in pretty quick succession. How often before this has she spent a night or more away from the children?
Iām 38, 39 later in the year, the kids are 13, 10, 7, 5 & 2.
She has spent more nights away from the kids than I have.
In fact in the last month she has spent more nights away from our kids than I have in their lives. In fact I cannot remember the last night Iāve spent away from the kids, generally if I gone away anywhere it has been with her and the kids.
I actually want to move out. This has never really been my home even when we were still together, Iāve never had my own space in this house. I just need to find somewhere and save up so I can afford the bond and monthās rent in advance
Not all bad though, I got a ticket to the game on Saturday night, and Iām going to blow a heap of money getting hammered on ā ā ā ā ā ā mid-strength beer.
5 Likes
No chance of her moving out?
Can fully understand you wanting to move out, start afresh somewhere new. I wanted to stay in our current house when my ex and I decided to split. She said she wanted it though, and after thinking about it a bit I realised I didnāt want it after all anyway. Havenāt moved yet, but Iām looking forward to it. For you, it will obviously be difficult to find a suitable place if all the kids are staying there too, even part time. I wish you luck!
Start sending her a heap of emails outlining how much time you are spending looking after the kids while she is off doing whatever. Sounds brutal but itās good to have a paper trail of whats been happening when it comes to custody.
4 Likes
Hey mate,
I just read your story, although I cannot directly help, maybe knowing that others have been through something similar may help steel your resolve to move forward.
I believe I posted a brief version of my story once before.
My first marraige was to a woman who was a substance abuser with limited parenting skills.
She was seven years older than me, and already had two kids.
She was also prone to fits of violence, with me on the end of these violent fits.
We had two children of our own also, one of whom was/is a person with special needs.
She started dissapearing for long periods, it turned out she was off hanging with the rebels motorcycle gang, with no regard for her kids.
It was a very dark period of my life, and after many weeks/ months, I took a stand. I consulted a family lawyer. The next time she dissapeared I changed the locks and told her if she wanted to see our kids she had to sort it out with me in the family court. There is of course more to it, thats just in simple terms.
It can be quite tough for a man to go down this path due to the millions of dead beat, violent non caring Dads that exist, and I guess rightly so, we are initially all tared with the same brush.
The only real advice I could give is, always do what is best for the kids first. It is tough, but in the end, facts are facts. Dont be scared to talk to your GP or a Psychologist about how you are feeling also. That part is very important.
11 Likes
I hate to agree with you, but youāre spot on here.
1 Like
I would put a proviso on this.
I reckon you need to ensure that you are in a good place first, as giving yourself up completely to put your kids first, leaves you vunerable and perhaps in danger. I found that out the hard way, and made sure that I had support and was safe, well and postive, so I could function for the kids.
3 Likes
Yesā¦I will always put in the kids first in the sense that I would never try and turn them against them Mum, or speak ill of her to them and Iāll always be there for them when they need me.
But at the sametime Iāve always put my kids first since the first one was born and it essentially allowed my ex to emotionally manipulate me and ensure I did not really have a life of mine own outside her or the kids.
That was not healthy. She is still trying to do it now, but now I can recognise it now and am working on stopping it.
3 Likes
Anyone here dealt with agoraphobia?
Im a complete mess. I just went to the post office to get a package and it was the worst feeling in the world. Since March last year I have been home workingā¦I was ok when I went out after lockdown but come mid December I have now been stuck in my house unless I have 6 beers before hand.
Off to the Dr Thursday
Sorry, l canāt help. While l have been self isolating along with everyone else, l m on 20 acres, and no longer drink alcohol.
Off to the doctor is the best thing you could do right now. Good job there.
3 Likes
Hopefully I dont let the fear stop me from going.
4 Likes
You can do this.
3 Likes
Sometimes itās just good to talk to a stranger face to face (like your doctor). Youāve got this. We are all here for you!
6 Likes