“Tries hard at times. Reasonably consistent output at an average level. Not perfect, but who is?”
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Why on earth are they asking you of all people for the character reference though? Doesn’t this guy have an old friend or something who can provide one? If not, that’s a bit of a red flag in itself. Unless they reckon that given your position, a reference from you would carry more weight.
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Do not provide a character reference.
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Fair position to take. In my Victorian experience it is not too difficult to get an interim intervention order against a bloke. The test is balance of probabilities, and shadowy things like emotional abuse, financial abuse and coercion can justify an order. Courts are understandably scared of what might happen if they knock it back and someone is hurt or worse. If you don’t qualify for legal aid and want a lawyer, the fight can be extremely expensive.
So there are plenty of intervention orders out there on people, which they have consented to, largely to avoid the crippling expense of clearing their name. Of course it is far more serious for those who would lose their employment if they have one. Sometimes they just have to contest it as best they can all the way to a final hearing.
Which is not to say your ex’s new boyfriend isn’t an absolute shocker- I wonder if your ex has seen the specific allegations in the application. The good thing about this “looser” intervention order system is that it is easier to get protection from the awful ones. But you are right not to assume he is a shocker because someone got an IVO on him.
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Heard a great story when I was in USSR years ago, when we were looking to open an office in Moscow.
You could only employ people who had the appropriate references, except if they had a really good reference it meant that they were really bad and that the current employer wanted to get rid of them. If they had a bad reference, then it usually meant that they were very good and the current employer didn’t want to lose them.
But how can you employ some-one with a very crappy reference. That was the Soviet way !
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I’m not going to be giving him a reference.
My ex told me all about the situation, then asked if I’d gice him a reference but was then all like, oh I probably shouldn’t have told you any of this, he will probably be upset if he knew, you knew about this.
But anyway, I know how he acts around my ex and the kids when I’m also around. I don’t have a clue how he acts towards my ex, or my kids when I’m not around and I definitely have no idea how he acts towards his ex, his ex’s parents or his kids.
I don’t know the bloke on a personal level either, so I really don’t even know what use a reference from me would do.
“I can swear on my life that I’ve never seen him act aggressively, or violently towards my ex or my children while I have been present. I’ve got no idea what he is like when I’m not present.”
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Correct call. IMO, it is an absolute red flag that he’d be seeking a reference from you.
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Sounds like a horrible position mate, this process has read to be intense for you from the get go.
I hope you’re investing in yourself, looking to your own future and giving more thought to your own life than you are to theirs. Because that (and your kids) are really all that matters.
All the best.
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If your ex wants her new boyfriend to take over from you in your children’s lives, she might be very glad of a statement from you to say what a great bloke he is. This could count against your interests down the track. Do nothing without running it past a lawyer first !
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Just had my first session with a psychologist. Is it usually this draining to talk about yourself for an hour?
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It gets easier, but the first time I talked to one, I was pretty tired afterwards.
Think it’s pretty normal.
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It can be exhausting
Absolutely. And I have found on occasion it can be worse the day after. Assuming it’s dumb vagus related.
I was super defensive in my first session which I think drained me a bit. It got easier.
I can talk about myself all day and all night.
Except no-one listens.
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Case in point, this forum.
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Except for you.
Having a go at someone in a mental health thread… hmm, not cool.
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Ah whatever it was a light hearted jab. I’m sure Bacchus is up for it
Nope, I cried all night.
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