10-Woman Survivor Series Match: Raw vs Smackdown
WWE know who THE woman is, with Bayley launching the main show. Poor Alicia being the one to follow her…
Nia Jax’s eye shadow: WTF?!?
Have none of Smackdown ever been in a tag match? If your parter is going to be counted out, you pick them up and throw them in! Lame.
Raw then let Jax be submitted. Morons.
Seven of ten kicked out, and Bayley seen zero action. Oh the anticipation…
LOL, Bayley is the first to cheat, as you should, and save Charlotte. Bizarro world.
And Bayley wins the match, quick and clean one-two-three on Becky.
Crowd goes mild for Charlotte beating Bayley down post-match.
Intercontinental Title Match: Miz (c, Smackdown) vs Zayn (Raw)
Mind you, crowd are a bit flat as they can’t immediately grasp how they should react to a ridiculously babyfacy Canadian babyface with endearing music… versus Miz. Maybe the acoustics suck.
Crowd continue to refuse to count along, just going TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN!
His loss last night was almost as GLORIOUS as Maryse.
10-Tag Teams Survivor Series Match: Smackdown vs Raw
Hmm, Enzo demonstrates the acoustics aren’t THAT bad.
The two teams here clearly demonstrate that booking is more important than star power.
Thank deity Gable is there to do the thinking for Jordan, who scrambles out of the ring when he’s meant to be doing the pin.
Oddly, Bullet Club are allowed to be competent/dominating, till Enzo’s inattention screws it all up.
TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! Yes, fourteen clubbing tens from Sheamus.
There were a lot more BAYLEY SECTIONs than there are CESARO SECTIONs. He does get the same role of eventually coming in and clearing house.
TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! TEN! Yes, approximately twenty-two tens for the Cesaro swing, until they dissolve into applause.
SHARPSHOOTER by Cesaro to eliminate the Usos for the win and claim sole survivor status.
Cruiserweight Title Match: The Brian Kendrick (c, Raw) vs Kallisto (Smackdown)
The refs must want to curse out the crowd every time there’s a count-out going on.
Match ends when Corbin runs in and kills them both. Because he hit Kendrick first, Brian retains and is stuck on Raw.
10-Man Survivor Series Match: Raw vs Smackdown
JBL defends Ellsworth… There are no words.
It’s A-Grade bullshit that Ambrose comes out after Styles. And as soon as Ambrose’s music finishes, the crowd make that very clear with an AJ STYLES chant.
LOL, crowd absolutely boo the crap out of Reigns’ entrance.
Jericho maintains an aloof sneer as the crowd pops huge for him.
Opener of Styles vs Owens is a huge tease. Crowd sucks it up.
Rollins-AJ. We’re just exploring dream matches here. AJ goes heel and tags Ambrose in instead.
Lots of stalemates to start with.
Jericho tags in to demand the stupid idiot pays back his $15,000 for the ruined LED jacket.
More TEN chants for the punches in the corner.
HERE COMES THE MONEY. He’s not going at that pace for long, I’ll tell ya.
Oh, what a stupid crowd, distracted from booing Reigns by a few TEN strikes in the corner. Soon as he stops they resume booing, and he tags out quickly.
All-in brawl after a dozen minutes. McBigFace Strongman finally does something, wandering around with Ambrose for so long he gets punked out by AJ — McStrongMan is a stupid idiot.
(Neither of the Wyatt Family have been tagged in yet.)
AJ and Ambrose repeatedly work well together to clear the ring of Raw trash, which ends in them fighting each other. Go figure. That allows McStrongMan to pin Ambrose and generally go on a rampage. Finally, Bray confronts him, but after a tease Wyatt is also thrown out.
RKO out of nowhere! Orton and Bray lay McStrongMan on the announce table, and HERE COMES THE ELBOW. Table demolished.
McStrongMan is about to get back in the ring at the count of TEN (real ten, not just TEN) when TWO HANDS come out from below the ring and hold his foot. McStrongMan is eliminated. He destroys Ellsworth in retribution, though.
Twenty-five minutes in, only two eliminations.
At some stage Jericho got a bloodied nose.
When AJ and Jericho go at it, the crowd still won’t boo AJ.
AJ sucker-punches Owens, who charges in and whacks him repeatedly with The List of Jericho and a pop-up power-bomb… and gets disqualified. Crowd not impressed with that call. BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT.
Jericho goes nuts collecting the scattered pages of The List… and gets RKOed. And Rollins and Reigns don’t notice the pin a metre behind their back as they watch Owens depart.
Team Raw = Team Stupid Idiots.
Two versus four now. I have a horrible feeling Reigns will be sole survivor. Why?
Reigns comes in for the hot tag… BOOOOOOOO. This never gets old.
AJ kicks out of Niagra Driver from Reigns.
Superman punch intercepted. Shane comes in, starts beating up both Reigns and Rollins. Yeah nah.
Shane speared in mid air by Reigns, shoulder up at two but ref eliminates him anyway. The match takes a little pause as they shuffle the dead body out of the ring.
ROMAN SUCKS. ROMAN SUCKS. ROMAN SUCKS. ROMAN SUCKS.
Roman saves Rollins on the outside. BOOOOOO.
They’re being very Shieldy, as they prepare to put Randy through the Spanish table. AJ in for the save.
Ambrose run-in to beat down AJ.
STUPID IDIOT the crowd chant at Ambrose.
Shield beat down security and refs. Crowd pop, but also boo.
AJ driven through the Spanish table Shield-style.
Remember when Shield vs Wyatts was the hottest thing ever? Here we go again, after a few years of stuffing up each of the individuals.
HARPER AT RINGSIDE.
He can’t afford to get caught by the ref, but the crowd pop when he flattens Reigns outside the ring as the ref watches the action within it.
A very short THIS IS AWESOME chant.
RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!
It’s Reigns vs Bray and Orton.
Sister Abigail blocked, Superman punch, spear coming… BOOOOOOO (though it’s more of a defeated BOOOOOO at this stage).
Orton intercepts to take the bullet for Bray, Sister Abigail, Smackdown WIN.
THANK FARK FOR THAT.
That was a surprisingly non-lame Survivor Series match. Apart from that STUPID IDIOT helping Reigns. 52 minutes bell to bell.
Ha, I forgot there was one match left. 17 minutes left in the show, before ads and commentator intro and video promo and two entries. Match gonna be short.
Nice to hear Tenay and the Weasel and JR in the promo.
Vince Fantasy Match: Goldberg vs Lesnar
Initial pop for Lesnar quickly subsides. Goldberg chant is there but is certainly from universal. He steps through the sparks with just over 7 minutes to go. Bell is rung with 5:17 to go.
After initial kerfuffle, Lesnar turns his back while getting up and is speared. A second spear. Jackhammer. Match lasted 86 seconds.
What a crock of shit that was. Even Big Show lasts longer than that in his Wrestlemania gimmick matches, and would be smart enough to roll out of the ring after either spear.
Hey, at least Bray got a win!