VFLW - Semi Final vs Pies @ Victoria Park, 1pm Sat 15 July 2023

Have I ever mentioned how much I love FCFC? A very unexpected win by them over Willy means we are the highest-ranked winner of an elimination final, and therefore we are now playing for a spot in the Grand Final. Even if we lose, we get a double chance via the Preliminary Final.

Thank you, FCFC.

P.S. Fark Carlton!


Date and time officially released.

No attendable game on Saturday (fark Kardinia Park) and VFL is on Sunday.

The Pies AFL team plays at the same time, so let’s really outnumber them.

Get to Vic Park on Saturday to smash some pies.

(Or hot chips, if you’re one of those weirdos.)


Pies are in decent form, but far from unassailable. We would like Crook back to help with the forward keys of Dojiok/Sargent/Dematteeeeeeoooo, but primarily it’s “minimise Bates → win”.

As per thread title change, yep 1pm Saturday at Vic Park.

Gives us an extra days rest on the Pies!


Already gathering the posse…

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Here’s our history vs the Pies:

Year For Against Result
2018 23 49 -26
2019 20 40 -20
2019 49 22 27
2021 28 38 -10
2021 10 18 -8
2022 94 23 71
2023 31 15 16

The second 2021, the closest result, was the mirror of this coming weekend: a Semi Final to reach the Grand Final. Hopefully the result is mirrored… and the Grand Final isn’t cancelled due to COVID!


Are you going to go through the history?
I’m keen to find out what happened last year.
Never seen a score like that in the women’s comp.

Tonight: 2018 and 2019 (the dark years).

Tuesday: 2021, including the mirror Semi Final.

Wednesday: last year’s massacre.

Thursday: this year.

Friday: the team!


2018 ROUND 11

An 18yo (Elea)nor Cornish makes her debut as the 23rd player. She is one of four (+Courtney+Kendra+MORCS) to play a game in every season so far.

The Pies are undefeated and on top of the ladder (we are 1-9).

This is going to be a short summary as I wasn’t there… to be fair, it was at Crazyburn and there was a massive wind down the guts.

We’re scoreless in the first quarter, marginally beat the ladder-leader with the wind in the second, and are happy to concede 1.8 in the third.

Ultimately we lose 3.5.23 to 6.13.49

Look at the trees as Hetherington goals!


I don’t think @samwoods is a big fan of Collingwood:

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2019 ROUND 9

We lose Lauren Ahrens to concussion after the win against Melb Uni the previous week. After kicking two goals of the week, Jess Stassi gets named at full-forward. Fellow Tiwi Freda Puruntatameri is 23rd player.

The Pies have obvious names like Caitlin Bunker (their 2023 captain), Sophie Alexander (now a Bomber), Chloe Molloy (now a Swan), Stacy Livingstone, and Jaimee Lambert.

We have a new captain this year because:

We’ve turned up to play against the team that has won its last two games by twelve goals.

Fede Frew is part of the inside mid rotation again.

No ■■■■, really? In this case she is forward, too.

I abandon ship and head to the MCG for a bin-chickening.

Jamiee Lambert kicked the margin of three goals, from the midfield. We should have got Alexa Madden to take her out properly this time!

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We’re leaving the best for last… AND NO ONE SAW IT.

2019 ROUND 15

Natalie MacDonald returns to the team after 10 weeks out.

The Pie team is distinctly less stacked than last time around, and I’m not saying that because they have a K. Dudley named. They’re still top-of-the-ladder and on an 11-game winning streak, though.

I tell @Hoffy that @Tombob and I are in Perth on this day, and she has to cover the game. Instead, she goes to the overlapping VFLM instead (who get smacked).

There is no video stream or audio call.

That leaves @gorgo and I reporting from a distance from some tweets. Before half-time DeMatteeeeeeeeeooooooo marks and goals to get us up 28-8.

It’s an almost direct switch from the earlier game this year when we outscore the Pies 22-1 in the second quarter.

The Pies come out hard but Georgia Patrikios kicks her second goal from the midfield to have us up 37-20 at the final break.



7.7.49 we defeat the league leaders 3.4.22

There’s an excellent report by the work experience kid here:

This is the first EFC win for young Cannons Alana Barba and Felicity Theodore.

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Yep, definitely made the wrong decision that day!

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2021 ROUND 8

This is the start of the ANZAC Day tradition at VFLW level – this is on ANZAC Day itself, and we play the Pies in 2022 and 2023 on the nearest weekend.

This match provided my avatar.

ANZAC Day 2021 - cropped


We are without Nanscawen after her calf injury vs the Hawks two weeks ago. In the pre-game interview we are told she may be three weeks away (hint: she played the next game, and went on to win her first League B&F).

The Pies bring in Sophie Alexander, and she will do an excellent job of not being “ONE OF US” as she takes 7 marks up forward.

We’ve improved enough that I’m discussing finals, but the same old Pies are top of the ladder by a game and percentage.

We jump them 9-0 before Sophie sweet-talks an ump into gifting her a goal.

(At a later stage she takes out Aleisha Newman.)

The game is mostly being played between the two half-forward lines.

We trail 16-21 at the final break. We shake stuff up by swapping Barba to full-forward and Frew to inside mid.

After we kick the first goal, it’s 22-23.

Liz Snell (now at Footscray AFLW) is the Deputy Honey Badger today, and her game gets a big write-up later by Peter Williams.

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Who (singular or plural) gets the job?

Hey @Blummers32!

2022 ROUND 9

The setting for this game is very different to every game we’ve discussed so far: this time we are sitting up top of the ladder, and Collingwood have lost 4 of their last 5 games.

Spoiler: Gardner is never back from injury…

The Pies are playing 10 AFLW players from the most recent season, and we are playing 1: B. Abar – sorry, A. Barba. And she has a shocker first up. So surely we get rolled?

The Pies do score the first 8 points (the goal via a fifty) and are clearly the more efficient team. And then in the closing minutes of the quarter Clifford and Tierney go BANG-BANG, and we lead 12-8.

DeMatteo cops a Honey Badgering and is very slow to get up.

Sure, I write the below every game, but it never fails to amuse me.

By halftime it’s 32-14.

8.8.56 (brother!) we lead 2.2.14 at the final break.

Our social media team aren’t as “wholesome” as they want to portray.

G.L.O.R.I.A. !

This is our second-highest-ever score (behind the 98-0 destroyation of Footscray in round one).

Sim Nalder, after two weeks off, finally reaches 50 games as a Bomber. Jesse Davies (left) had reached 50 VFLW games 5 games earlier but apparently no one reads what I or Brendan Rhodes write, and hence no one at the club knew till this week.


In terms of selection, we almost certainly need to replace Wilson. The ideal replacement would be Lila Keck (another small forward, but actually fast and who actually scores) – choose us over Bendigo, please!

The Cannons have a bye, so Grunden is a credible alternative.

If neither is available, it will probably be Spargo.

The Western Jets are playing, but Morrow has grown on me in recent weeks so I don’t see Krystal Russell as an obviously better ruck in the immediate term.

Stats Leaders (leaders, us, Pies, other finals players).

Apart from goals, the numbers below are averages… but the rankings are sorted by totals.

1 - Jess Bates (Pies) 27.1
2 - Maddie Di Cosmo (FCFC) 21.1
5 - Ashley Thorneycroft (FCFC) 18.2
7 - Amelia Klingbeil (FCFC) 17.9

1 - Sarah Cameron (Willy) 19
2 - Monique Dematteeeeeeoooooo (Pies) 18
3 - Nyakoat Dojiok (Pies) 15 (plus 18 behinds and an unfathomable number of total misses)
7 - Christina Bernadi (FCFC) 11 (10 of these goals in her last three games!) & others including Jess Bates (Pies)

1 - Maddie Boyd (Hawks) 5.2
7 - Maggie McKellar (Port) 3.5

2 - Jess Bates (Pies) 10.1
4 - Kaitlyn O’Keefe (Port) 9.5
6 - Ashley Thorneycroft (FCFC) 8.2
7 - Caitlin Bunker (Pies) 8.6
9 - Maddie Di Cosmo (FCFC) 8.1
10 - Lauren Caruso (Port) 7.3

1 - Angelica Gogos (Darebin) 17.1
2 - Jess Bates (Pies) 15.5
7 - Ashley Thorneycroft (FCFC) 11.7
8 - Matilda Zander (Pies) 11.5
10 - Jessie Williams (Port) 11.7

1 - Jess Bates (Pies) 11.6
2 - Maddie Di Cosmo (FCFC) 11.6
3 - Amelia Klingbeil (FCFC) 7.7
9 - Lauren Caruso (Port) 7.1

1 - Leah Swain(Casey) 39.3
3 - Kate The Dudley (Port) 28.6
5 - Sarah King (Pies) 21.2
9 - Rene Caris (Pies) 18.4
10 - Emily Hurley (FCFC) 19.5

The above three Pies have scored 44.34.298 out of their total 570 points (52%). Add Sargent’s 9 goals in 10 weeks and it’s a rather pointy target we need to blunt (63% from four players; or slightly more once you remove rushed behinds).

Mia has scored 75 (at 80% accuracy!) of our 435 points (17%). Include Manfre’s 10 goals and it’s 32%.

Worth noting that our defence has conceded slightly fewer points this year than the Pies have.

EDIT: der, Sargent scored 3 of those 9 goals for us. Yeah, I’m not re-calculating.

Morrow averages 22 hitouts but with fewer games has not accumulated more than the two “top ten” Pies above. Ryan is on 13 but has spent well under half of her time as a ruck.

Curiously we got smashed in clearances (19-32) in round 5 but we obliterated them in inside fifties 47-12.

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I still can’t believe we didn’t kick 100 last year. In a year of highs, I’ll never stop reminding the coaches of this fact… just for funsies.

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