Fuck I hate Telstra.
Once I rang them pretending to be my dad. I made no effort to change my voice, but the guy still believed I was "John" born in 1948
Had to call up our internet provider a couple of months ago. Won't say who they are but their initials are TPG. Backstory was that my girlfriend (who is the account holder) was overseas, but the credit card details on the account (my card) had to be changed to update the expiry date and I couldn't remember the password.
Went the honest route on the first call. Here's the backstory, just want to update the card details and get on with the rest of my life. Nope, can't do it, you're not the account holder, sorry.
Hung up, called again. This time introduced myself as [girlfriend's definitely not gender-ambiguous name] and provided the correct address, DOB and secret question. Lots of lengthy pauses as the agent fights the urge to call bullsht as loud as possible, but clearly can't as I've jumped through the correct hoops without touching the edges. Details updated, account paid, happy days.