Bullshit Your Kids Believed


You know - I did this till about a few months ago, for the same reason - though I wasn’t ever told that, I just had it in my head for some reason.


I’m not certain she was wrong. Well, perhaps not so much the “no ignition source” aspect .

I’m still backing Hamlet on this particular anomaly. There are more things in heaven and earth, horatio…


A few years ago when the movie, ‘The Last Airbender’ came out l struck on an idea for a little ESL lesson. I told a class about how Queensland couldn’t export bananas, because they all grew straight. l then invented a guy who was known as the last banana bender, because his job had been replaced by machines. It was pretty convincing, so l used it a few times over.


Imagine I were my mother.

I told my son that if he went swimming within 30mins of having eaten, he would certainly drown.
That if he made funny faces and the wind changed, his face would freeze that way forever.
That if he drank orange juice straight after milk, it would combine in a ball in his throat and choke him.
That his pet lamb, which became a ram, which head-butted me, went away to be with its friends.
That ‘Botty’, his pet rabbit, was going to live with Uncle Joe to be with other rabbits because he missed them.


I told my grandchildren that the AFL bought the Docklands stadium to control football fans as well as clubs and players.


That’s why I didn’t hold it against her.

Well, I did, but that was later.


When my kids were toddlers, they were convinced that because I traveled on the train ( I work in the city) that I worked on the train. Not the driver, but somehow I worked on the train.

Then they proceeded to ask me who I saw on the train every day I got home. I don’t have the best imagination so it took a while but apparently I saw all types of animals on the train, ranging from elephants to giraffes to gorillas and they were all apparently going off to work.

Note: I didn’t substitute people I saw for the animals I made up, but in retrospect probably would have been easier.

Had them convinced for years, until my wife brought them by train to see me at work and the jig was up.


How else do they get to their job at the Zoo each day, you seen the parking out at Parkville?!?


I used to make up weird noises as animal noises. For a couple of years my son would see a snail and make the noise of a zipper.


l have a sister who is almost two years younger. When she was a little kid say 6, she would watch movies on TV, as we all did. In those days Westerns were popular, aka 'shoot ‘em ups.’ She could be watching a movie from the start, but l am not sure she understood the contet very well. I could walk in half an hour later, sit down and pick up the thread of the plot in a minute or so.

Almost invariably she would turn to me after five minutes and start asking me questions like,
“Where are they?”
'“Who is he?”
And the clincher,
“What’s happening?”
I started out explaining, but after this had happened a few times my 8 year old patience ran low and l got a bit annoyed. Afterall she had been watching the movie from the start, and if l could pick up what was happening, after missing the first 20 - 30 minutes or so, then sh should be able to follow it from the start.

As a result l grew a little perverse, so l started telling her things that l knew to be untrue, but which l knew would upset her, e.g. “You see that guy on the left? Well in about 5 minutes they are going to shoot him dead. Not just in the movie, but for real, they will kill him.”

From the worried look on her face, l must have been quite a convincing little story teller, for once or twice she ran crying from the room to complain to mum. Beauty, that meant l got to watch the rest of the movie in peace, alone. Even now, l am not convinced she fully gets the concept of contet. l haven’t checked to see if she has watched GOT, but l am sure Memento would be way beyond her.


Taking out the slug, eh?


Oh dear. I hadn’t thought of that.


Yeah - sorry.
You can always rely on me to find that little awkward element.


Don’t apologise. That’s usually me.


Whilst living for a while in Perth, told my little girl that the big concrete things …?gas…at each front gate was where the people put their dead cats.


Slightly off topic, but we convinced a girl at school that it was better to sunbath in the rain because it caught and held the UV from the sun.
So here we are, a bunch of 16/17 year olds ■■■■■■■ ourselves at Portsea beach while this girl sunbathes in the rain.


I convinced my sister that bird’s eye chillies taste like strawberries when they go red, but not for long.


That’s ok, son.


Don’t brush your teeth with warm/hot water. It will melt your teeth.


I remember these adds!!