A step brother used this one a lot: You lie like 50 pigs in mud.
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Ha ha ha I can’t wait to use this on my housemate.
Upon being asked “Are you alright?” my old man would often retort “Nah I’m half left”.
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My Grandfather was well known for telling my Mum and her siblings “Go and tell your mother she wants you”.
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When there’s something everywhere:
'from Ars*hole to Breakfast.
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He’s/she’s 2 sandwiches short of a picnic.
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“I’m not lost, I’m geographically embarrassed.”
“If you want to teach an old dog a new trick, you have to be smarter than the dog.”
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Its not always beer and skittles
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What’s good about Good Friday?
Ha ha that reminded me of one.
You’re as useless as a tit on a nun.
PS I’ve reached my quota of hearts I can give for a while. I am loving this thread.
A big 
to everyone!
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Flash as a rat with a gold tooth
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More recently my Old man has borrowed some off my younger brother, like Does the bear ■■■■ in the pope?
You’ve got the brains of a Russian rabbit . (Apologies to any Russians . This was not the age of political correctness. )
“f*ck me sideways with a spatula’”
hungrier than a Ethiopian at a buffet
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That’s no how you make porridge.
Actually that might have been an ad
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My father was Irish and the two I remember most are:
Stop acting the maggot
He’s a gombeen yoke
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Looks like 10 pounds of ■■■■ in a 5 pound bag.
uglier than a hat full of arseholes
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