(looking forward to July 17)
Let's say it all together now: Winter is coming!
Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then let's begin.
There's a brand spanking new trailer for the seventh season of Game of Thronesand it's epic. There's everything you could possibly want from this season: battle scenes, plotting and scheming, shadowy figures, sexy sex scenes and, oh yeah, dragons!
Now let's talk about our thoughts. (Warning: spoiler alert if you've not watched season six yet.)
Just quietly, I've completely forgotten what happened last series
Don't worry! So have we! It was literally a year ago and we've cast it from our mind to make room for more important things, like how many panes of glass were used to make that marquee at Pippa's wedding. Here's a precis: Yara hitched her ship-wagon to Daenery's dragons and the lot of them - Tyrion, Varys, the Dothraki and all the Unsullied but not Daario, sorry, he's gotta stay behind all by himself in boring Mereen - are setting sail for Westeros to ■■■■ ■■■■ up.
Jon Snow and his Wildling bros made peace with the Night's Watch after the Battle of the Bastards and are now facing impending White Walker doom. Littlefinger is still creeping around the edges of Sansa, who has claimed the title of badass Queen of the North after exacting brutal revenge on Ramsay Snow. Oh and Cersei killed everyone - literally everyone - with Wildfire in King's Landing.
Great! I remember now. Let's talk about those dragons
They're HUGE. Dragons grow up so fast, hey? It's taken them seven seasons and some teething problems to become fully fledged fire-fighting machines and just look at the state of them now. It almost makes one proud.
Littlefinger is still creepy though
Some things never change. And one of those thing is Littlefinger's love of lurking in shadows and spying on Sansa. When will he realise this it is never. gonna. happen. Sansa's just not that into you, mate! Let it go!
Where you heading, Arya?
Whenever someone is on the road in Game of Thrones it never ends well.They never make it to the person they're actually looking for, and they always end up running into the people they least want to see. (See: Any time Brienne of Tarth gets on a horse). Which is why we're worried about Arya. We know she's heading for Winterfell after getting out of her training in Bravos. But if we were Westerosians right now, the last place we'd want to be is on the road to Winterfell when there's White Walkers on the loose.
We know. When Cersei said "We're the last Lannisters" to Jamie, it broke our hearts. Tyrion is just as much a Lannister as those two crazy, incenstuous siblings. Anyway, we're worried about Tyrion. He's getting caught up in this 'great war' and we need him to survive, for the witticisms alone. We couldn't care less about Cersei, whose craft and cunning is wearing increasingly thin as the seasons go on. We liked her better when she was in prison.
And do you think this season will be all about the sexy sex?
There are two sexy sex moments in the trailer, one involving Missandei and Grey Worm - finally! - and the other involving someone who looks a lot like Yara and woman-scorned Ellaria Sand getting up close and personal. Which we are 100% here for, and we do hate to be the bearer of bad news but this season is likely to be concerned with something other than sexy sex.
It's gonna be about war isn't it.
Yep. The great war. Which is coming. Like winter. We hope you like battle scenes!
Game of Thrones will be released on Foxtel's Showcase on July 17.