My fame knows few bounds!
I was thinking not so much about fame, moreso about pedantry.
Which I don’t regard negatively by the way.
People should have standards.
English is not my wife’s first language and the other day she asked me what was the difference between ignorance and apathy.
I told her that I didn’t know and didn’t care.
Seismologists have discovered a new volcano under London. Its name?
Kill A Man For His Giro.
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The crucial question was, ‘Where do women mostly have curly hair?’
Apparently, the correct answer is ‘Africa’.
I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed.
In my last relationship I was tired of being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and wouldn’t touch me.
Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay earlier. I couldn’t help but wonder what his handicap was …
Would have made a good name for The Hanger, …
A Caaarlton player was seriously concussed on Saturday following a nasty clash of heads.
No other player was involved.
I’m having a party in a marquee tonight with a disco and a bar; the guy running the bar is my mate Noel.
So I suppose you could say that Noel is the vintner of our disco tent.
It only costs 10 cents to get into our local aquarium, as long as you’re camping, or dressed as a dolphin. So, to all in tents and porpoises, it’s free!
Went fishing yesterday and used licorice as bait for the first time. I caught all sorts.
Great jokes, Dad.
So, soooo bad.
I tried this and got arrested for loitering within tent.
Inmate in a Turkish prison goes to borrow a book in the prison library.
The librarian says “sorry, we don’t have that book but the author is in here”
A dingo eats a shark while two snakes have a root. Welcome to Australia.
This should be in the celebrity deaths bit but Willie Nelson is dead.
Q: what do Sigmund Freud and Bill Cosby have in common?
A:they both explored the unconscious