Year 5 business studies lesson at Kaitaia Primary School, Far North, New Zealand
Miss Smith: Awright class, what d’you need ta do ta get ahead in business?
Sophie: Rolls Royce, Muss
Miss Smith: Whaddya mean, Sophie?
Sophie: If ya perform like a Rolls Royce, ya get ahead.
Miss Smith: Good on ya. What about you, Jono?
Jono: I reckon it’s Lexus, Muss.
Miss Smith: Another car brand! We seem to have an automotive theme this morning. Whaddya mean by that, Jono?
Jono: Yeah, Mum reckons Dad’s only gotten inta management ’cause he always Lexus, Muss.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie.
That’s the thread stopper right there.
“Kids, we have a new student — Ichiro Suzuki from Japan. Hope you will be good friends to him. Now, let’s start the lesson and see how well you know American history. Who said, ‘Give me liberty or give me death’?”
Dead silence in the classroom. Suzuki raises his hand: “Patrick Henry, 1775, Philadelphia.” “Very good. And who said, ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’?” Suzuki’s hand rising up again: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863, Washington.”
The teacher glares at the class: “Shame on you, kids! Suzuki is Japanese but knows American history better than most of you!”
A quiet voice from the back of the room: “■■■■■■■ Japs!” The teacher spins around: “Who said that?!”
Suzuki jumps up: “General MacArthur, Guadalcanal, 1942.” The class freezes. Another shout from the back: “Suck it!”
The teacher, red-faced, demands: “Who was that?!” Suzuki leaps up: “Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, Oval Office, Washington, 1997.”
An outraged yell: “Suzuki’s a piece of ■■■■!” Suzuki, without missing a beat: “Valentino Rossi, Brazil Grand Prix motorcycle race, Rio de Janeiro, 2002!”. The class erupts in chaos, the teacher faints, the door bursts open, and the furious principal storms in: “What the ■■■■ is going on here?!” Suzuki, still standing: “Julius Caesar, Rome, 44BC!”
This one has been around for a while, but some Blitzers might not have seen this juxtaposition before.
That Debbie Harry story is so wrong.
You can see in the flesh that she’s reached the soap powder and is in rapture.
Who was the reporter? If I was the editor, I’d rip her to shreds and tell her she’s dreaming.
If you don’t have the time to phone the editor
Call me
Just don’t leave me Hanging on the Telephone
I thought it was a good joke, one way or another.